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About 6 months after I first became a mom, there was an abduction/missing infant incident here where I live, where a 7-month-old baby boy was allegedly snatched out of his crib in the middle of the night.
It was wildly dramatic; the sobbing, pleading parents on TV, they drained all the lakes & ponds ... That was almost 32 years ago & it has never been solved.
I was just freaking out; I was a young mom & I was scared. I couldn't stand the thought of anything happening to my child. I remember thinking "I would rather die. I would die".
Fast forward about 8 years & the unthinkable happened when I lost a daughter. I remember being resentful when I'd open my eyes in the morning to find myself still here. People would ask me how I was "doing it" & I felt like saying "I don't know. The sun just keeps coming up".
Over time, the statements changed & sounded more like "How did you get through that? That would kill me." And I would think "Wait ... I'm through it?"
Last year I started some genealogy research & I was really having to invest a lot of time into this one particular "branch" of the family tree, involving a paternal great-great-grandmother, when a line in her very eloquent obituary jumped out at me: That this upstanding philanthropist & pillar of the community ... "was preceded in death by 5 of her 6 children ..."
And I thought "Good grief. The woman buried 5 kids & still led an exemplary life ..." I mean; I was not exemplary in any way, shape or form.
I lost everything & had to start all over. I have years that are still just a blur. She put me to shame!
My parents hardly helped me at all when it came to getting educated and making money. I never had a great income, but I lived on less than I made. Anyone can do that. You just can't buy every gadget and you can't have a lot of luxuries.
Exactly my point. Where would you be today if you had started out with an ivy league degree, car, house, etc all paid off? I would guess you would be better off!
This is not a criticism. I would be better off if I had had these things too!
You have to have boots for that whole bootstrap theory to work. Your parents have to have money for you to be successful. They have to buy you the boots. If you have none, you will work hard all your life and have little to show for it. Except maybe you can buy YOUR kids the boots.
Doesn't matter how hard you work. We will always have more poor people than anything else. There will always be exceptions but this is how it works for the vast majority. All we can do is slog on and make the best we can of it.
The thing is, many people learn how to ride barefeet.
Exactly my point. Where would you be today if you had started out with an ivy league degree, car, house, etc all paid off? I would guess you would be better off!
This is not a criticism. I would be better off if I had had these things too!
Just because parents has the money doesn't mean the kid is promised success in life. One of my daughter's friends was always jealous because she felt our daughter had it easier because we were able to afford sending her to college. Dd's friend was also able to go to college threw a scholarship for free, friend never showed up for any of the classes dropped out got pregnant and is struggling.
On the other hand I know two young sisters who had a horrible home life with two lousy parents who were druggies and very disfunctionoil who are now both in college and both worked hard to get there.
Exactly my point. Where would you be today if you had started out with an ivy league degree, car, house, etc all paid off? I would guess you would be better off!
This is not a criticism. I would be better off if I had had these things too!
So maybe I would have more money now if my parents had been willing and able to help me more? Does that mean I would be better off now, or just have more money?
I could choose to feel good about the fact that I did everything myself, without help.
I've been thinking about this. Yes I know life isn't fair and that there is no proof of 'karma' in this existence. Maybe another one but definitely not here. People get sh*t that they don't deserve (in before someone commits the fallacy of relative privation i.e. starving African children). There are inevitably winners and losers.
What I'm trying to get to is, given the fact the degree of our success or failure is largely contributed by factors outside our control (facial/bodily appearance, society, intelligence, wealth, and persistence), would you say that some people no matter how 'hard' they try, may "improve" but will always be the long time depressed, weird looking guy with a wife that likes him who has to exude overconfidence to try and keep him from killing himself?
People will say that I'm being shallow, superficial and need to know that with "hard work", you can get anywhere in life. I agree (to a certain extent, can't speak though since I'm the example above). But even then, wouldn't you agree that persistence/perseverance and hard work are to a degree "genetic qualities"?
I highly doubt for example that Mr Bill Gates or Steve Jobs were depressed to the point that they had homicidal/suicidal thoughts every day.
Someone will again say that there are LOADS of people with depression, ****ty families, bad looks, other health conditions that struggle and succeed but do they really have much "choice" in that. Would you not say again that they probably had an intrisnic "drive"? Would they really have had multi-dimensional problems that would have instead turned them from being just depressed to the next Ted Bundy, Adam Lanza, James Holmes, or Elliot Rogder?
Funnily enough, on Reddit where I see so many "pull yourself up bootsrap" posts are, people also talk about the confirmation bias of success. The ugly depressed virgin in his 20s that was bullied and had two suicide attempts who went on to start his own business is most likely the 1% after the 99% that just went on a mass shooting, killed themselves or got addicted to drugs.
What do you think?
Come back to the thread, or I'll ask that it be closed. Me? I don't know normal. I've been clinically depressed since childhood. I'm OK 80 to 90% of the the time. I grocery shop, wash clothes feed hummingbirds, but once in a while, I want to die. Yeah, bad gerania. There are are too many people in my life to do that.
I've been thinking about this. Yes I know life isn't fair and that there is no proof of 'karma' in this existence. Maybe another one but definitely not here. People get sh*t that they don't deserve (in before someone commits the fallacy of relative privation i.e. starving African children). There are inevitably winners and losers.
What I'm trying to get to is, given the fact the degree of our success or failure is largely contributed by factors outside our control (facial/bodily appearance, society, intelligence, wealth, and persistence), would you say that some people no matter how 'hard' they try, may "improve" but will always be the long time depressed, weird looking guy with a wife that likes him who has to exude overconfidence to try and keep him from killing himself?
People will say that I'm being shallow, superficial and need to know that with "hard work", you can get anywhere in life. I agree (to a certain extent, can't speak though since I'm the example above). But even then, wouldn't you agree that persistence/perseverance and hard work are to a degree "genetic qualities"?
I highly doubt for example that Mr Bill Gates or Steve Jobs were depressed to the point that they had homicidal/suicidal thoughts every day.
Someone will again say that there are LOADS of people with depression, ****ty families, bad looks, other health conditions that struggle and succeed but do they really have much "choice" in that. Would you not say again that they probably had an intrisnic "drive"? Would they really have had multi-dimensional problems that would have instead turned them from being just depressed to the next Ted Bundy, Adam Lanza, James Holmes, or Elliot Rogder?
Funnily enough, on Reddit where I see so many "pull yourself up bootsrap" posts are, people also talk about the confirmation bias of success. The ugly depressed virgin in his 20s that was bullied and had two suicide attempts who went on to start his own business is most likely the 1% after the 99% that just went on a mass shooting, killed themselves or got addicted to drugs.
He said he's depressed and weird looking, and there are starving children in Africa, so it's not karma, don't go there.
I'll have to agree with those who said one who is happy with what they have have learned what they need to know. So cliche, but money doesn't equal happiness.
What would help though, is if a guy is feeling suicidal or homicidal, to get to an ER for evaluation. Maybe it's something as simple as a medication adjustment, to prevent the misery from spreading.
He said he's depressed and weird looking, and there are starving children in Africa, so it's not karma, don't go there.
I'll have to agree with those who said one who is happy with what they have have learned what they need to know. So cliche, but money doesn't equal happiness.
What would help though, is if a guy is feeling suicidal or homicidal, to get to an ER for evaluation. Maybe it's something as simple as a medication adjustment, to prevent the misery from spreading.
Thank you, I don't think I'm qualified to comment on this complication.
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