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I'm in my early 30s and I'm really struggling to come to terms with the idea of "adulting", or living in life as an adult and maintaining traditional adult responsibilities like work, paying bills, family and domestic responsibilities, and everything else. It's especially ironic for me because I had a great childhood with many close friends, but I was always so excited to grow up. Since my twenties though I've been miserable! Every year that goes by I hope I'll come more to terms with my current situation as a grown-up in this world, but instead I tend to just miss my childhood and the freedom that came with it all the more!
Perhaps it's just me. Lack of free time is the biggest issue for me. More than anything I can't stand that I simply have no time to do anything these days, and haven't since my teens. It's a constant rush of my work, family, chores/errands, cleaning, cooking, maintaining the house/yard, appointments, etc etc etc. On any given day I usually only have about 2 hours truly to myself, the other 14 or so are literally all taken up with adult responsibilities.
Any thoughts on this? Have you all reached an age where things seemed to get better/easier as an adult. What steps could I take to stop longing for my past and childhood and start enjoying the present?
If you have children, I've heard it said you generally do not have hardly any free time. That's the sacrifice it takes, unfortunately. If you don't, you may want to see where you can consolidate your time, cut out some things that are not as important to you as your free time. For me, I used to love to have a clean house. I'd clean it once a week or once every other week (to me that was clean. I guess some people clean theirs every day. Never have done that). With work taking up so much of my time now, I've resigned to having a neat house not necessarily a clean one. The one room I'll clean on a more frequent basis is the kitchen. The rest, it looks neat, but I'm not showing it off to anyone and if someone is scheduled to come over I'll clean it then.
I don't have family or friends, so that saves me a lot of time there. Well, I have my husband, but he doesn't take up much of my time. My parents and siblings live in different states, so no visiting going on that takes up time. I don't have too, too many appointments. The doctor twice a year, then eye doctor and dentist; the yearly tax appointment. The other appointments are for recreation.
For cooking, I wouldn't have any time if I cooked dinner once a day. What's nice with me is that my husband sometimes does the cooking, so I can get away with not having to do that at times. Generally we will cook a lot and then have a day or two of left overs. When I do crock-pot dinners, it's at least a week of leftovers (half of it gets frozen). You may want to see if you're devoting too much time to cooking. Unless of course, you prefer that over your free time. Again, as with cleaning, I love cooking. If I had the time I'd cook a dinner every night. But you just can't have it all if you work a 40 hour full-time job. At least, I haven't found a way. It's a give and take of what do you really want to do with your time. For me, I relish the couple of hours I generally get to myself on work days and the days I'm off, it's at least half the day I can do what I want.
I've never had a time when I had to "adjust" to responsibilities as an adult, at least that I can remember. I was always doing stuff like budgeting and taking care of things from when I had a paper route at 9 years old. My parents taught me a lot about hard work and responsibility. I guess that just carried over to a smooth transition when I got out on my own in college. Up to two years ago, I worked a lot less (one job had a killer schedule that was the absolute best, the other was less hours), so until that time I've had an immense amount of free time to enjoy. This job schedule is not that great, but there are more things I like to do now that I live on the east coast instead of the west (like hiking, gardening. Gardening takes up a huge amount of my time). It's a give and take I've learned. Overall, I love being an adult and on my own. It's by far the best time of my life so far.
Hi all. OP here. Just wanted to say quick I'm super thankful for some of the great responses in this thread. There have been some truly constructive and helpful posts, but also some posts that have just been ignorant and short sighted. It's unfortunate some people feel that way, I feel sympathy for their narrow outlook. To not be able to open their minds to how situations may differ from individual to individual and always try to apply a blanket solution will not help much for anyone. For example, I laughed at the few people in here who act like a high energy toddler is a walk in the park! "Just put him in a play pen or stick him in front of a TV!" Aside from that being developmentally bad for them when used too much, it is something we already use here or there in smaller amounts to help get things done around the house, or when baby's safety might be of concern, like if we need to use the bathroom for 5 minutes and can't watch them. Otherwise, it's great to let them run around and explore. It's good for them.
But overall, it's disappointing that many people will jump on the bandwagon to criticize or make claims I "am spoiled" As if nearly going homeless while working a full-time min. wage job in a high cost of living city was some type of fun experience or something.... Like I somehow had everything I ever needed handed to me, even though that was never true, and still isn't. Remember I said I grew up in a lower/middle class family, we didn't have much! Sure I had food and shelter, but we lived on one small income and could only afford the most basic of necessities. And since when did asking for help become a bad thing?! People will not hesitate to complain about us "millennials" but god forbid we express some unhappiness, discord, or desire to improve ourselves because everyone jumps down our throats to tell us how" easy we have it" and "we have no right to complain".
I've said what I want to say though. Like I said, very thankful for the more constructive and open minded comments and suggestions in the thread. Thank you for your consideration, I appreciate it.
I would just chalk it up to reading comprehension problems.
Also, all toddlers are different. Mine were both pretty low energy kids who were happy to just sit and play with whatever toys they were given. However, your high-energy toddler will be ahead of the game when he is older. I hope he doesn't suffer too much in a classroom environment. If I had kids like that, I would probably homeschool them. Sitting in a chair for hours at a time would be torture.
Hi all. OP here. Just wanted to say quick I'm super thankful for some of the great responses in this thread. There have been some truly constructive and helpful posts, but also some posts that have just been ignorant and short sighted. It's unfortunate some people feel that way, I feel sympathy for their narrow outlook. To not be able to open their minds to how situations may differ from individual to individual and always try to apply a blanket solution will not help much for anyone. For example, I laughed at the few people in here who act like a high energy toddler is a walk in the park! "Just put him in a play pen or stick him in front of a TV!" Aside from that being developmentally bad for them when used too much, it is something we already use here or there in smaller amounts to help get things done around the house, or when baby's safety might be of concern, like if we need to use the bathroom for 5 minutes and can't watch them. Otherwise, it's great to let them run around and explore. It's good for them.
But overall, it's disappointing that many people will jump on the bandwagon to criticize or make claims I "am spoiled" As if nearly going homeless while working a full-time min. wage job in a high cost of living city was some type of fun experience or something.... Like I somehow had everything I ever needed handed to me, even though that was never true, and still isn't. Remember I said I grew up in a lower/middle class family, we didn't have much! Sure I had food and shelter, but we lived on one small income and could only afford the most basic of necessities. And since when did asking for help become a bad thing?! People will not hesitate to complain about us "millennials" but god forbid we express some unhappiness, discord, or desire to improve ourselves because everyone jumps down our throats to tell us how" easy we have it" and "we have no right to complain".
I've said what I want to say though. Like I said, very thankful for the more constructive and open minded comments and suggestions in the thread. Thank you for your consideration, I appreciate it.
It sounds like your parenting game is strong. I wouldn't sweat it on that front.
And, honestly, speaking for myself, as a parent of two small children, as long as I'm kicking ass and taking names on the parenting front, everything else is garnish. It's by far the most important task before me at the moment.
But overall, it's disappointing that many people will jump on the bandwagon to criticize or make claims I "am spoiled" As if nearly going homeless while working a full-time min. wage job in a high cost of living city was some type of fun experience or something.... Like I somehow had everything I ever needed handed to me, even though that was never true, and still isn't. Remember I said I grew up in a lower/middle class family, we didn't have much! Sure I had food and shelter, but we lived on one small income and could only afford the most basic of necessities. And since when did asking for help become a bad thing?! People will not hesitate to complain about us "millennials" but god forbid we express some unhappiness, discord, or desire to improve ourselves because everyone jumps down our throats to tell us how" easy we have it" and "we have no right to complain".
I've said what I want to say though. Like I said, very thankful for the more constructive and open minded comments and suggestions in the thread. Thank you for your consideration, I appreciate it.
LOL. Followed your saga across a couple passionate posts some years back, dunno why I remember. Hope it has since worked out well-enough.
People today dig their own graves with encumbrances. In a sense, it's a shame: one cannot get married and have kid(s) relative early, seems-like, if you're not a whiz kid with high income early on. This was not the case for OP, so he struggled. Neither was I, come to think of it, so for that and other reasons I chose to *not* get married or have kids because that's a path to complete ruin for people in their 20s, back in the 1990s when I made that decision too.
The complaining about adulting and having no time, yeah. Considering the enormous time and expense necessary to raise a child these days, thinking on cost of day care here in Seattle anyway, I'd take a hard-pass on that under any circumstances. OP chose not to. There are ramifications to decisions, and for that I have zero sympathy. There are upsides and satisfactions, too, I guess if you're into that sort of torment that never ends. Ever. Same for some wife and her problems.
You do have every right to complain, no more or less than I do. You do have every right to express discord or desire to improve. I don't think it's "fair" that Millennials can't really find steady work like my dad did in the 1950s and 1960s to raise a family: my dad was above-average intelligence but no brain trust, but bought a home in a solidly Middle Class neighborhood (then, and now) and managed to provide a solidly-same lifestyle for my mom and me growing up, plus saved money to retire well alone since my mom passed at age 61. They'd have done OK had she not, too. He was never rich nor wanted to be. He died content.
The only way I, Gen X, will retire well is being pretty high income and squirreling dough where I can on top of what I inherited. Other Gen X are out of luck. I think Millennials are really out of luck, by and large. SS will potentially go bust or have reduced benefits...no easy answers here. I do believe life is tougher these days for ....you guys, so to speak. But that also means you must decide to travel light, and you *chose* not to. Okay, then. Reap the whirlwind.
OP, I feel ya. I've been there, feeling like my best days (most fun, at least) were behind me and it was an exhausting slog ahead with no light at the end of the tunnel...but I was wrong about that.
The kid(s) get older. Less dependent. To a point where they will eventually make it far too easy to neglect them, as they become more interested in their own pursuits. You will have to pester them to spend time together, where once it was "Mom, Mom, Mom" or "Dad, Dad, Dad" all day long. By the time mine were 10, they were more and more, wanting to go into our neighborhood to ride bikes and play with friends...I still had to be aware of them, but suddenly began having more time on my hands than before. And eventually they reach an age where you no longer have to get a sitter, to go out for a few hours in the evening. That's nice.
Also, I have come to believe that the American Dream of the house in the burbs might just be highly overrated. It's a lot of work. I had that, for a while...I'm not in a rush to do it again. If I ever own another house, I swear I'm gonna xeriscape the yard, skip the mowing and watering. Right now we live in a townhome, with an HOA that takes care of all the yardwork and snow removal and man, it is WONDERFUL.
I'm in my early 30s and I'm really struggling to come to terms with the idea of "adulting", or living in life as an adult and maintaining traditional adult responsibilities like work, paying bills, family and domestic responsibilities, and everything else. It's especially ironic for me because I had a great childhood with many close friends, but I was always so excited to grow up. Since my twenties though I've been miserable! Every year that goes by I hope I'll come more to terms with my current situation as a grown-up in this world, but instead I tend to just miss my childhood and the freedom that came with it all the more!
Perhaps it's just me. Lack of free time is the biggest issue for me. More than anything I can't stand that I simply have no time to do anything these days, and haven't since my teens. It's a constant rush of my work, family, chores/errands, cleaning, cooking, maintaining the house/yard, appointments, etc etc etc. On any given day I usually only have about 2 hours truly to myself, the other 14 or so are literally all taken up with adult responsibilities.
Any thoughts on this? Have you all reached an age where things seemed to get better/easier as an adult. What steps could I take to stop longing for my past and childhood and start enjoying the present?
I'm your age. This is not an uncommon phase to go through. I went through it in my mid twenties and messed up my life quite extensively because of it. I ended up moving back to my hometown, thinking I could recreate and relive my younger years but quickly realized that time (and everyone else) had moved on. These days I mostly long for my early twenties, when my life seemed like it was moving forward and I still had my best years ahead of me. At 32 I feel behind where I was at 22 yet it's much more difficult from this point to make my life what I really want it to be than it once was.
The bottom line is that every stage in life has its pluses and minuses. It's fun and enjoyable to reminisce about earlier days but it's best we don't get consumed with it.
I'm in my early 30s and I'm really struggling to come to terms with the idea of "adulting", or living in life as an adult and maintaining traditional adult responsibilities like work, paying bills, family and domestic responsibilities, and everything else. It's especially ironic for me because I had a great childhood with many close friends, but I was always so excited to grow up. Since my twenties though I've been miserable! Every year that goes by I hope I'll come more to terms with my current situation as a grown-up in this world, but instead I tend to just miss my childhood and the freedom that came with it all the more!
Perhaps it's just me. Lack of free time is the biggest issue for me. More than anything I can't stand that I simply have no time to do anything these days, and haven't since my teens. It's a constant rush of my work, family, chores/errands, cleaning, cooking, maintaining the house/yard, appointments, etc etc etc. On any given day I usually only have about 2 hours truly to myself, the other 14 or so are literally all taken up with adult responsibilities.
Any thoughts on this? Have you all reached an age where things seemed to get better/easier as an adult. What steps could I take to stop longing for my past and childhood and start enjoying the present?
I enjoyed my 30's a lot more than my 20's mostly bc I am stable in a career and I have $$. I was a mess in my 20's. 20's is still very young and most people don't have a whole hell of a lot figured out.
by one's thirties, it is really time to grow up. With growing up comes responsibilities, that's life. Someone on another thread posted how she is 41 and she has the same routine day in & day out. Most people with full-time jobs will, that's just how it goes.
The benefits to being an adult is well doing whatever you want when you want without a parents permission.
My 30's have been a lot easier for me than my 20's mostly b/c now (I'm 36) I don't ever have to worry about money. In my 20's I struggled a bit with money so it's nice to be financially secure.
I think a lot it boils down to the misconception that everyone else is out having a great time while you're stuck at home mowing the lawn. It's not true. What you're describing is typical for a 30-something with a young family. And just like others have told you, it does get easier.
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