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You do get that people embark upon second and third careers much older than you, right?
Yes. And nothing against them doing so. I just prefer not to be lingering around that far down the road myself. As I mentioned earlier, apart from the extended family, I've got no one of my own to really look out for or take care of. So the last thing I want to do is have something ugly happen to me at an older age and no one there to notice. It's also probably easier to live a long life when you're more sociable and actually have people that care about you. I could see myself making friends and keeping them for a few years at a time. But a spouse like some have mentioned having in here? I don't share beds, sorry. ick.
On to the original topic, the phrasing not only affects me with potential jobs, but also with random conversation in general. If anything has affected me, it's mainly due to the few jobs I've held throughout my working history. Working security and driving semi's at odd hours of the day and night don't really allow for much in the way of complex conversation.
If anything, the few people we do talk to tend to be of the same academic background as I am. Shipping clerks, groundskeepers and maintenance, state troopers/highway patrol officer's on commercial vehicle enforcement duty. Some of them may have had some college involved. But for the most part, a high school education is all that is needed for mine and many other jobs of the late night, non-medical variety.
While all the suggestions have settled into my head, I'm thinking it's back to the speech and debate classes in addition to whatever, non-religious therapy I could find. Yes, skills need to be brushed up on. But at the same time I've got to find a way to stay on top of them so any acquired skills don't turn back into mush within the brain.
The bolded is the root of your issue. Being triggered by a phrase isn't it. Your generalized anger at yourself is making you lash out about the "rat race" and "wearing masks" and walking out the door in disgust when someone asks you about a period of time when you admit you were an eff-up. Maybe just admitting that you had a period of time like that to the right person will get you somewhere – if you couple it with ways that you are trying to seize hold of your life and desiring to move forward and do better for yourself.
But you're not showing us a desire to do better. In fact, now you're telling us you'll check out before "old age" – 50?! – sets in. C'mon, man.
You're not the first to have effed-up and you won't be the last. You can recover from that time without waiting for it to "drop off your resume."
Everybody else your age is not living large with extensive education and desirable jobs. And the ones that are doing well – are not just capitulating to being rats in the rat race. That's just an excuse for you to continue to keep swirling down the drain.
34 is still young. You've got time to pull this out. You don't need to set the world on fire with some big impressive job.
You *can* be happier. You really can go through the world without being pissed off at it or despairing of it all the time.
But you do need some help to get yourself on track before all *is* lost. You need to get some help to start getting your mind "right" so you can find the key to ... no, not happiness. But "contentment" can be pretty fine and it doesn't require fancy jobs and riches. You need help to find a way to stop sabotaging yourself.
You still want to. Otherwise, you wouldn't have started this thread.
By "check out", I'm in no way referring to suicide or any other disturbing act. Anything could happen at any age. Accident, incurable cancer, some bug bite. I'm not going to stop working, but at the same time I'm not in the business of preventing or fighting against some natural act either.
As far as getting help goes, I will as soon as I find the right therapist or group again. They got to be of the right demographic though as I'm finding that I'm a little more comfortable taking charges from someone of my background/ethnicity.(I'm Asian by the way.)
Nothing tears apart therapy quicker than feeling like you're being talked down to.
Nothing tears apart therapy quicker than feeling like you're being talked down to.
... which is why the phrase bothers you so much. You feel like it's someone trying to pin you down and hold you to something that you don't necessarily want to be accountable for. Of course they may only be trying to get clarity. A job interview is a very vulnerable position, and you are very clearly reacting to being made to feel vulnerable.
It does sound like you have a great fear of not having the upper hand in a situation. You are very good at writing a lot of words to explain how you feel about all kinds of things, but that fear of being vulnerable is very present in all of them.
I have a few phrases that trigger me and I have learned to bite my tongue or done something else to alleviate the anger boiling up inside. Still hate the phrases though and if someone uses them a lot, I tend to stop talking to them, LOL. It's just easier that way.
When you are told, "I'm not following", do you ask "where did I lose you?" or do you just try to start explaining, but in a different way in hopes they understand? I'm thinking, take a breath, bite your tongue and ask, "where did I lose you?" or "what part aren't you understanding?" I think this will give you more of a direct answer to what you need to reword/repeat. If you hear "all of it" then yeah, okay, maybe just walk away. LOL.
Maybe you should not give half truths which lead to communication confusion with the listener and frustration by you . If someone isn’t getting something then either you need to figure out why you are not explaining something clearly, or don’t wish to be honest, or leave it alone.
Bingo. This is an easy one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
You have no right to be angry, that is normal for a job interview. Have you had any professional help to deal with your anger?
Fershur.
Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran
Well, if I am trying to evade or obscure the truth, and my half baked explanation has the person I need to impress “not following†my explanatiom, I guess I’d feel thwarted and angry.
No, to answer your question. At least not normally. If someone is not following what I say, I tend to want to explain further.
Indeed. "I'm not following you" means you need to 'splain it further.
Good luck, OP, if you have such a hair trigger temper that being questioned about some bad stories you gave during a job interview that you get cranked and walk out, you won't be getting a lot of job offers.
I've been trying to get my anger issues under control. And just when I feel I've found a way to counter or supreme any ill feelings, the phrase mentioned could turn a civil conversation into a full blown, storming off and leaving the other party in the dust indefinitely.
I don't know how much more of a length I've got to go to get others to understand something I'm trying to explain. But that phrase alone just irritates me to no end.
A recent example of this would be a job interview I walked out on a couple of weeks ago. The terminal manager was almost done, but began to question me about multiple jobs I held between 2008 and 2012. He was going on about "Why I left a large number of jobs after only 6-12 months?".
I could've just declined to answer, but instead, I gave some half truths that led to him "not following me".
After feeling like I was being grilled over old issues (I've been more stable with employment since 2012), I feigned a nausea fit, left and burned that bridge.
Advice on how to handle it is cool. But not really seeking any. Just trying to, again, see if there's anyone else that gets irritated by what's supposed to be a harmless phrase.
I'm not following you. Just ignore it. You'll feel better.
How can one expect to have stable employment if they can't get past the interview without getting angry?
As already stated, simply google things you can use to "get your story/alibi straight" for the time you didn't have a job. "I was self-employed" or "taking online college course" may work.
If you're telling half truths and they're confused, that's when the anxiety/nervous/anger kicks in and now you feel you're being interrogated.
How can one expect to have stable employment if they can't get past the interview without getting angry?
As already stated, simply google things you can use to "get your story/alibi straight" for the time you didn't have a job. "I was self-employed" or "taking online college course" may work.
If you're telling half truths and they're confused, that's when the anxiety/nervous/anger kicks in and now you feel you're being interrogated.
So far, the only jobs I've managed to obtain and hold were the ones that were in desperate need of people. Security guard positions on graveyard shifts, the trucking positions in the middle of nowhere,.etc These were positions that actually offered bonuses and the interviews were usually quick and to the point.
Typical questions being things like; "Are you comfortable with the details of the position?", or "Are you willing to put in at least six months?", and my personal favorite, "You ready to start tonight?"
Of course, as I look at my responses on this thread, I'm beginning to notice that as I tend to want to advance beyond my mundane positions, the interviews are going to become increasingly more focused and directed. The easy, on-the-spot, "get out there and get things done" interviews are pretty much over if I want to move on to some other career or position.
I should've seen this sort of thing coming during my failed attempts at becoming a law enforcement officer ten years ago. The psych and background orals were pretty much similar to the interview where I got grilled. Some of you may call it anger, I just call it personal fear and being a ----y.
Apart from rejoining therapy and reading up on things, perhaps it's also time to focus on different careers that require more human interaction altogether. Driving in the middle of the night down country roads and dropping/hooking trailers at remote farms doesn't offer a whole lot in the way of brushing up on interaction skills. Time to start looking at moving up and out, as opposed to these lateral career moves that seem to get me more of the same in the way of pay, benefits, and days off.
A recent example of this would be a job interview I walked out on a couple of weeks ago. The terminal manager was almost done, but began to question me about multiple jobs I held between 2008 and 2012. He was going on about "Why I left a large number of jobs after only 6-12 months?".
.
Didn't he see your resume before you came into the interview? If so, he should have not asked you for an interview if he had a problem with the multiple jobs. He was wasting your time, essentially, so I would have been upset, too. There is nothing wrong with ending a job interview that isn't going in a positive direction.
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