Do you think positive frame of mind, will really change anything ? (husband, everything)
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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Originally Posted by Purplecow
The Bible is the only positive-thinking that works and lasts a lifetime. Having peace with the idea that no matter how bad things are--that if life ended today--you did your best to love all creatures great and small, and be kind: this is the only positive-thinking that is not self-centered and that works.
The religion forum is three forums down. I prefer nonfiction books more anyway.
I think positivity beats out negativity any day. No one wants to be around negative people, but no one wants to be around someone overly cheery either. Happy medium is best. I was reading somewhere that being negative and worrying suppresses your immune system. Worrying won't change any outcome in the end.
Totally think letting go of the old baggage that is holding you back is mandatory. I love the AA big book approach of listing out all your character flaws. Write a letter to each person who has harmed you in a significant or long lasting way to let it go and forgive yourself. You cannot necessarily deliver these letters. If you are abusing substances or gambling/sex/compulsive eating, I highly recommend you seek out the 12 steps and get a sponsor. A sponsor will be able to look at all your existing relationships and help you decide who to talk to about the old baggage in order to try to turn the situation around. But, left to my own opinion here, we all have to choose when a relationship is really just negative, troublesome, damaging or worse and decide to allow these people to quietly pass out of our lives most of the time with lies and excuses of too busy, never returning calls, hide your Facebook feed. Reason for lies? Can be harmful to tell some the truth, especially wealthy, passive aggressive, or type A...Have to protect yourself with silence and just get lost if not demanded you serve them....Family relationships you want to keep can be handled according to great book, 'Toxic Family'. The coping section totally changed my life and lightened the yoke of all the old baggage. It's helpful to have someone else's advice to determine who are parasites in your life or co-dependencies and how to rid yourself of it. Sometimes, therapy isn't a big help as social worker training is so poor, therapy is no use...Rest is no longer discussing the baggage much. If you are still having to take some harassment or negativity by some, do not acknowledge much of it and just accept it as personality flaw of friend and it's his/her problem.
I can HIGHLY recommend reading on 'Happiness Theory' readers. Is the BEST, BEST, BEST functioning improvement I've found second only to Toxic Family...This was SO, SO HELPFUL on how to make bad moments pass and feel good by being productive, plus some relationship coping advice that would serve most. However, I disagree in keeping the 'interesting/quirky' people around sometimes. Some just suck the life energy out of people when you just feel bad when that one walks into the room...Quietly ditching these makes best sense to me, especially as a female. Keeping any male around is like an invitation so better to never give wrong idea. Just better not to keep any contact with troubled, substance abusers or psychopathic/passive aggressives...just quietly get lost.
The old Toxic People book is excellent help for some...but change of work can be totally liberating. Can study to work in something new with overlapping skills if you want. Simple as reading blogs by influencers and doing some software studies on Lynda.com can get you new work. Can also see if helping others through some volunteer use of your talents would feed you.
Once you let go of all the other people's baggage, you can decide what you want. Set some goals, definitely. Spend some time on you...healthier you. Happier with some targeted spending on travel which is a thrill for many.
In a relationship, plan some time together doing what you both enjoy. Ask your SO what he/she wants first...If you are handling a family with kids time, it's harder.
Yeah, I think while in a negative frame of mind people subconsciously make bad choices to "support" their belief (that life is bad). It really isn't woo or anything, it really is us doing it.
And while in a positive frame of mind we grab for the good that floats in and out as we go through our day.
Yes. It was clear as day in the different ways my ex and I lived, all along and still today. In the beginning, being a negative person, he would focus on any area of possible challenge or conflict and obsess over it. Never stop talking about it. A saying he liked was, "pray for peace, prepare for war." He spent his time constantly preparing for crisis and bad things.
Meanwhile, I thought about the ways in which I'd like for life to get better, but with an eye towards gratitude for anything I had at the time. For a time we were very poor, to the point that I really didn't have enough to eat, and we were going to lose our apartment, which we did, and we had to leave everything behind and take a Greyhound with our 4 month old baby to the town where his family lived, and they put us up in a nasty, cheap little hotel, until we could get "on our own feet" (which entailed us moving into a roach infested apartment building for 2 years.) A lot of that sucked. But I was not dying, even if I was hungry. I had clothes. Shoes on my feet. My baby was healthy. There were things to be grateful for. It could be worse. Always, it could be worse.
He on the other hand was always focused on how terrible it all was. And he made things worse, while I worked to make them better. He did drugs, drank alcohol, started fights, complained endlessly. Getting him to lift a finger to do anything helpful or useful was always a huge argument. And I, with my positive attitude and my grateful approach, built good networks and relationships with other people, climbed the professional ladder gradually, and tried to keep my outlook pretty positive despite everything. I used to think, "When things get better, he will get better." He didn't. He couldn't hold a job because something about every job he ever had was the worst thing ever, if he didn't just quit, he'd complain and carry on until he got fired. Eventually he joined the military, which was the best thing that ever happened for him even if it ruined his physical health. Eventually he got out. He was getting so much disability money he didn't have to work anymore, and we lived in a really nice house that we could afford, and things should have been pretty good. We had good times with good friends.
It was then, with no pressure to work or provide, and a pretty luxurious life, that he lost it and went on a campaign of torment against everyone in the household...things were better, but he only got worse. We broke up. He got the house. I took all the debt, the responsibility for the kids, he didn't have to pay alimony, or child support. He trashed the house and then rented it out, abandoned all our stuff, and now says he "lost everything" because I "took everything away." I didn't take anything. He is so attached to negativity, he destroyed every possible positive thing he had in front of him. Well, he never appreciated it anyways.
I look to me, to make me happy, no matter what. He expects others to make him happy and is angry when no one can.
An overwhelmingly positive or negative mindset can alter the entire trajectory of your life, every part of it.
Yaknow, atm l feel like l have to be careful mentally that l don't get too negative right now.
Do you think or has it been proven maybe , a positive frame of mind, positive thinking, keeping negativity out, really changes anything ?
Does it really matter if we just be miserable until things start to turn ?
Or, if we wanna get right down into the nitty gritty, down into the guts of life, the mind, how things work and happen, do you think the will, the frame of mind, can make things happen or bring on what we desire ?
Back when I was in the mire of negativity, I had a friend tell me I needed to write down three good things every day, and they can’t be the same things. At first it was hard, but as it got easier, my attitude got better. And as my attitude got better, everything got better.
You know that saying misery loves company? It can be true. Being stuck in negativity has a tendency to make me not take care of other things. Become miserable all around.
As for that law of attraction? Well, being in a better frame of mind does allow you to see opportunities around you that you can take advantage of. But it’s also just as easy to be in a place where there are no opportunities. But I don’t believe there is one to one correlation that the universe will get you a raise if you smile at a stranger.
I know that looking at the glass as half full is a prerequisite for happiness. You can just as easily look at it as half empty and be miserable in the exact same situation and circumstances. I don't believe in making things happen through positive thinking. You can't change outcomes by thinking about them. But you can change outcomes by being receptive to opportunities that come your way, being fully committed, working hard and making the best you can of them. You may only get a half dozen or so opportunities in your lifetime, but that can be all you need.
Also, a lot of positive opportunities come of having positive interactions with other people. I'm not saying run around smiling like a ninny and acting like everything is perpetually perfect. But if you show that you can handle negative life events with a generally positive (hopeful, not mired in despair) sort of mindset, and you can listen and offer positive energy and feedback and sometimes advice...people like that, and will like you more easily. When they are the right people, that can matter.
I became friends through a social group with a local lawyer. He got a negotiated payment for services in the form of 8 days in a mountain lodge, from the owners, who needed his representation, but balked at the cost. So he had this amazing, huge place, sleeps 23, the kind you'd rent for a wedding or something, with Jacuzzi tubs in the rooms, a huge hot tub outside, a fire pit, game room, the works, and he just put out an invite to various friends in our group to come spend whatever time we could. Bring food and firewood, that's it. I was able to enjoy 3 days and 2 nights up there with my boyfriend, and our friends, and it was a blast.
No one was demanding anything in return for this. It was free to me. Just because my lawyer friend likes us and our company. Had I been a miserable drag to be around, he'd not have wanted me there.
I know that looking at the glass as half full is a prerequisite for happiness. You can just as easily look at it as half empty and be miserable in the exact same situation and circumstances. I don't believe in making things happen through positive thinking. You can't change outcomes by thinking about them. But you can change outcomes by being receptive to opportunities that come your way, being fully committed, working hard and making the best you can of them. You may only get a half dozen or so opportunities in your lifetime, but that can be all you need.
Then there are those who simply view the glass as a container that holds liquid until you drink it. Whether it's half full or half empty doesn't matter if you are thirsty. Sometimes I envy people like that.
The Bible is the only positive-thinking that works and lasts a lifetime. Having peace with the idea that no matter how bad things are--that if life ended today--you did your best to love all creatures great and small, and be kind: this is the only positive-thinking that is not self-centered and that works.
With respect....in your opinion. Rock it if it works for you.
It for sure makes life more pleasant for you and those around you.
That and my sense of humor gets me through a lot of ****e.
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It hsn't been taxed, yet
