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What I have noticed on CD that people often start scariest ever topics, which begin with an open-end question about something important for their inner selves: “What do you think about…?”
A person should be strong enough, to ask for strangers’ opinions. They usually are not.
The horror part begins when they start receiving opinions they are not pleased with. Their world crumbles. They hoped for support, but they receive actual opinions from real people with opposite, to their, views. Sometimes they end up sending rude (and dumb, of course) personal messages and hurry to block the possibility of answer.
If they want support, it is better to start conversations like this: “Please, please tell me that people like I (orange, 7x8', covered with scale, wearing tortilla costume to banking job…) are beautiful! I need emotional support!” Good people will stop by and say – yes, you are OK, dude. "Not nice" ones will, in most cases, pass.
If people are directly asked for opinions, and they take time to explain their point of view, they are entitled to be heard, if their opinions are expressed with formal politeness. However, some "nice" people who open such topics, immediately start screaming in "pain" blaming the posters who did exactly what was asked. Then the hell breaks loose.
Well, I hope I’m not guilty of attacking posters. I have a very difficult time with communication, though & it seems like every time someone reacts negatively to something I’ve said, it was my fault for not stating it correctly.
That’s actually why I became a member here; was to work on communicating, because CD does get a lot of traffic. You should see me on a phone call ... I’m so awkward it’s painful. If I can’t watch someone’s face it makes me insecure. Even sitting across from someone with a glass window in between us throws me off, I guess because of the glare?
The other thing is that I know how atypical my perspective is. Yet I can’t seem to keep it to myself. The closer to my heart a post is to me, the less likely I am to even look to see if anyone’s commented. It’s ridiculous how much I’m afraid of criticism. Sometimes I’ll click on a thread & before it even loads I remember I’ve replied to it before & it’s like “OMG ...I can’t look!”
Hmm. I guess I’m still not communicating if I’m actively avoiding reciprocal conversations ...
But anyway, there has been one occasion where I know I’m guilty of being flippant & I’m not proud of it but I just got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. As bad as I am at expressing myself I’m actually pretty good at picking up on the flow & individual styles of writing & I swear; this poster was on their 4th user name but the issue was always the same & it was a resurrection of a reverse-brag that spawned 300-400 posts every time ...
So yeah; I was snarky. Not as bad as some people were but still; I sort of disappointed myself.
My rep point comments are almost always sincere & I'm grateful for that but there was one anonymous one where they called me the “Kookiest person on the Internet”. Given the amount of actual kooks on the internet, it was sort of profound but in a funny way.
Unless I am seriously deluding myself, I strive to be pleasant and polite to everyone*. However, here on C-D, it seems that SOME people will often look for hostility even when there is no hostility present, and they will become very hostile (and insulting). I have noticed this not only toward my own posts, but to many other posters, as well -- posters I can rely on being reasonable, nice and pleasant at least 99% of the time will often have very unkind things, imo, said to them in reply. The weird thing is that I don't think that most of the hostile people are trolls, necessarily, but they just seem to enjoy making others feel bad about themselves.
Do you agree or not? And if you do agree, why do you think those people do that?
(And, yes, it is easy to say "just ignore them", but I am the type that takes things to heart, and an unkind comment can spoil the rest of my day -- or at least an hour or so of it.)
*The exception is on Current Events and P&OC forums sometimes, in which I am very opinionated and often blunt, although I try very hard to never be actually insulting to other posters.
You might easily confuse nasty gossipy backstabbing vicious passive aggressive manipulative types as "nice".
I see them posting all the time.
So , no I don't agree at all.
What I have noticed on CD that people often start scariest ever topics, which begin with an open-end question about something important for their inner selves: “What do you think about…?”
A person should be strong enough, to ask for strangers’ opinions. They usually are not.
The horror part begins when they start receiving opinions they are not pleased with. Their world crumbles. They hoped for support, but they receive actual opinions from real people with opposite, to their, views. Sometimes they end up sending rude (and dumb, of course) personal messages and hurry to block the possibility of answer.
If they want support, it is better to start conversations like this: “Please, please tell me that people like I (orange, 7x8', covered with scale, wearing tortilla costume to banking job…) are beautiful! I need emotional support!” Good people will stop by and say – yes, you are OK, dude. "Not nice" ones will, in most cases, pass.
If people are directly asked for opinions, and they take time to explain their point of view, they are entitled to be heard, if their opinions are expressed with formal politeness. However, some "nice" people who open such topics, immediately start screaming in "pain" blaming the posters who did exactly what was asked. Then the hell breaks loose.
The mistake those responders often make, however, is believing without a doubt that their advice is actually good or reasonable. The drama really starts to unfold when those people are questioned or called out. Not to say that either party is right or wrong. But in order for it to work well, all parties involved need to be flexible. Often, though, they are not.
FWIW, I liked your "dear one" comment and thought it was sweet.
It mystifies me how anyone could find fault with that.
Thank you for your kind remark. I think it has more to do with perception. Some people are just naturally negative and perceive it as something it's not intended to be. Here's an example. I'm not religious at all. When some says God bless you how, are you supposed to take it if you're not a believer? Does the other person giving you a message of kindness know that you're a non believer? Maybe, maybe not. Do I get offended when someone express a kindness in their style of communication? Absolutely not, I appreciate the sentiment and I thank them. Attacking the person seems to be popular vs attacking the problem. Most often the problem is intolerance and a hyper inflated feeling of self worth. So rather then working on the problem, it's easier to point a finger.
How many times has a waitress said sweetie to you when they bring you your meal? Do you bristle and tell them not to call you that? I just smile and say thank you. I'm certainly not going to try and ruin someone's day with a negative comment over something so trivial. Unfortunately people who hide behind fake names on the internet feel compelled to let the worst of their personalities shine through. I think the best way to handle it is to keep it in perspective and not let it monopolize your entire thought process. Heck I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday let alone what comment was made to whom on the internet yesterday. My life is much more then that.
We've all said hurtful things and have had bad days in our life. It's no different on an open forum. Turning a mole hill into a mountain over it is not a healthy approach.
In every group of chimpanzees there are different behaviors. Some chimps will go about things quietly and there will always be at least one "poop" thrower.
In every group of chimpanzees there are different behaviors. Some chimps will go about things quietly and there will always be at least one "poop" thrower.
I hope this helps.
On city-data forum, the **** throwing chimpanzees accuse their targets of **** throwing. Seemingly perfect alibi. Then they form a lynch mob and justify each other's behavior and accusations against the target.
On city-data forum, the **** throwing chimpanzees accuse their targets of **** throwing. Seemingly perfect alibi. Then they form a lynch mob and justify each other's behavior and accusations against the target.
On city-data forum, the **** throwing chimpanzees accuse their targets of **** throwing. Seemingly perfect alibi. Then they form a lynch mob and justify each other's behavior and accusations against the target.
I have gotten this effect too, I call it a snowball affect, they jump on and make a bigger snowball.
This is a perfect example of someone who thinks they are innocent and are "being attacked."
No one takes issue with the way you approach your own health care and advocacy. I actually applaud your efforts to take your health care into your own hands. No one knows their body better than each individual person, and we are not machines. We don't all work the same way or react to the same things the same way.
The issue starts when you start accusing entire professions of collusion, dishonesty, and ignorance. Then the accusations of conspiracy and malfeasance. I don't know if you even realize how a. misinformed you are or b. how insulting you are being.
So maybe all of us THINK we're being nice or helpful or even employing tough love, but we are blind to how we come across.
What I post is what I've come to believe over my lifetime. And I have lost a lot of trust in the Modern Medicine World. And I know I'm not alone in this thinking. And for those who don't want to read what I post why not just "add me to their ignore bar"...I've learned to ignore by just scrolling past what I know will not interest me.
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