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I find the Integrity Tone Scale useful in evaluating my mood and attitudes. INTEGRITY TONE SCALE
"Victim" is down near the bottom, and is recognized as feeling like you are burdened, for which there is no solace.
The key to moving out of victimhood is to tell the truth about what's going on. Most people construct a story that has little to do with what actually happened. They are the wronged hero.
I've been down there in victimhood. It's a crappy place to be. Lately, I've been the the State of "Danger", which is a lot more fun.
That is great link. I especially liked how there were all these traits per group and apathy just had apathy. As in, we know you don't care so let's just get this over with.
That is great link. I especially liked how there were all these traits per group and apathy just had apathy. As in, we know you don't care so let's just get this over with.
Can't believe EST stuff is still around. What a racket. Nearly as bad as Scientology. Humans will fall for anything.
I think we have to bear in mind that everyone who perceives themselves as a victim is not necessarily deluded. People *are* victimized, and not just by thieves and psychopaths but by their family, by loved ones, by teachers, by the culture, by politicians, by ad agencies, you name it.
Not educating people so they can think independently is a form of victimization, particularly if they are not aware (and they're really not) that they're being controlled by outside influences.
Last edited by KaraZetterberg153; 03-15-2018 at 02:05 AM..
I didn't realize I grew up poor. Honestly, my kindof poor was awesome. The whole town was poor.
But I didn't realize that until I went away to college and saw how rich people were even as students.
Preaching to the choir my friend. I couldn’t afford a laptop in college while classmates were showing up to school with gifted and fully paid off mustangs and lifted trucks. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
Yes, folks start driving in high school but college is when it really hits you. No money from the parents while others are walking around with massive allowance and their own cars. I can’t imagine how good these folks had it growing up.
I know folks who have had their entire tuition paid for by their parents, what a life.
I know folks who have had their entire tuition paid for by their parents, what a life.
I had a friend in college whose parents paid his tuition, his rent, bought him furniture and a car, AND gave him a generous allowance. I was so jealous as I took the bus to work!
They learn it from one or both parents by about age 8. Then its effectively stuck in their nervous system as the primary path, unless they re-wire - which is very hard.
I asked this question more in reference to individuals dealing with the challenges we all face or can face, and not so much people who are members who groups who were and are discriminated against. That's a legitimate topic to be sure, but beyond what I think we can deal with here.
I see this issue as one of two perspectives, those being someone who feels or claims he is a victim, and the other being those who feel they can and then do determine who is or isn't a victim. For those who feel they're a victim, I think this can be a healthy step toward working through a difficult situation. I think naming things can be a first step to taking responsibility for them. Some people seem so fearful of admitting that they were a victim, probably because what feels more vulnerable than that, that they'll vehemently deny that label applies to them while lying in the hospital recovering from being hit by a drunk driver. On the other hand, there are those who will cling to victim status to an unhealthy extent, where it interferes with their emotional recovery from real trauma. And then there are those who claim victim status for reasons most of us can't really relate to. You may not be a victim if your neighbor who is otherwise OK has had 2 loud parties in the past year, for example.
On the other end of this discussion though are people who are quick to deny that others are victims. They may be thinking of people who cling to victimhood beyond any healthy point or those who claim it apparently without justification, but they seem to assume that no one is a victim, ever. Sometimes this stance serves to shut down legitimate discussion of real injustice, or real disadvantage. To be fair to people who think this way, in my experience they often are the same people who will never admit that they were victimized, so they're not hypocrites. But I suspect that they see the world as a place where people get what they deserve, and I'll admit that I can't find any evidence of that in the world I inhabit, and I see plenty of instances of people getting things they don't deserve, be those things good or bad.
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In my observation, people who are afraid of being victims are the ones who are constantly victimized, even by random strangers.
So the people I know who ALWAYS lock their car, hide their purses, park in brightly lit areas of the shopping center, have their keys in their hands as they walk to their car, get burglar alarms, are the very ones who keep being robbed/followed/broken into, etc.
I don't know how to explain it, but it seems so consistent. People who don't lock, don't make a big huge deal about avoiding "bad neighborhoods", are willing to hike alone, have never carried pepper spray, don't have their homes lit up bright at night, are the very ones who are seldom victims of crimes.
I don't know how to explain it, but it seems so consistent. People who don't lock, don't make a big huge deal about avoiding "bad neighborhoods", are willing to hike alone, have never carried pepper spray, don't have their homes lit up bright at night, are the very ones who are seldom victims of crimes.
I don't think that's true at all. There was a rash of burglaries from cars in my neighborhood over the winter--the common denominator? They were all unlocked.
Seems it more other people applying the “victim mentality “ label to anyone who tries to speak out about being victimized,a way to margilize rather than accept something needs to change and issue addressed.
Yeah, exactly. The greater issue is why some people seem unable to comprehend and tolerate the idea that there really do exist people who've been perpetually victimized throughout their lives, whether by random happenstance or by concerted, conscious effort.
Yeah, exactly. The greater issue is why some people seem unable to comprehend and tolerate the idea that there really do exist people who've been perpetually victimized throughout their lives, whether by random happenstance or by concerted, conscious effort.
I think the idea CAN be comprehended and tolerated, but still debated as to how prevalent that circumstance is vs. how often it's claimed.
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