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I'm trying to understand where the toxic part comes in. Is it because he called you and idiot? Yeah, that's not nice. I would think of it as more abrasive then toxic. His fascination with serial killers? Okay it's a little odd. The bottom line though is that he's always been there for you, and that's super important.
I think if I had my choice between an ex friend that was very sweet, but basically told me that her husband's Christmas party was more important than my 60th birthday party, well, I'd take quirky but always there for you. There's nothing worse then thinking someone is you best friend and working for free for a week on a new house project only to hear that a Christmas party with strangers is more important because it's not every day she gets to sit down to a nice steak dinner with her husband. I like bottom lines, and the bottom line is that your friend is a true friend in spite of his lack of candor. My ex friend was not a true friend despite her pretension.
Hard to believe but I've had this toxic friend from way back in 1971 and we still go on excursions every week.
What makes him toxic is his sarcasm and insults and obsession with serial killers and cannibals. He likes to graphically describe how the body parts are dismembered and eaten. He actually defends them but he says he just likes to push my buttons. So I guess I have to tolerate.
He's sarcastic and his insults are quite straightforward. Many times, he comes out directly and calls me an Idiot. On the other hand, there are many times where he realized the insult was totally uncalled for and he apologizes. So he has a good side too.
Actually,he has a very good side because many times when I needed a favor, he was the only one that would drop everything to come help me out. He's made quite a number of sacrifices for me.
During the 1970s we used to meet only once a month. But nowadays we meet every week and on the same day each time. He's always there waiting for me at the designated location. In fact, I don't even have to phone him the day before to remind him because our weekly meetings are so ingrained.
So despite his cannibalistic obsession and his general toxicity, I greatly value his friendship. In fact, I would say without hesitation that he's the best friend I've ever had. Certainly the longest lasting one because it began in 1971.
So do you have any toxic friends that you keep and even appreciate? And what makes you keep them?
I have developed a resistance to using the word "toxic" to describe people. There are people with toxic behaviors but that doesn't discount their entire humanity. We are all trying to find our way and some of us have picked up harmful coping mechanisms. Calling people toxic is a really dehumanizing trend, I think.
It could even be the lazy way to avoid learning some of your own healthy coping tools. If someone is "toxic" you can justify avoidance.
I'm not advocating seeking out people who are harmful to you to get experience but there are certainly levels of unpleasantness that it serves us all well to learn to deal with. It's a healthy thing to learn to set emotional boundaries with people and who better to practice that with than your closest "toxic" person?
I have a couple of old friends whom some would call "emotional vampires." I love both of these needy women and do schedule lunch a time or two a year with each of them. It takes some energy on my part and I also appreciate the practice. LOL.
I retired from working in a State Hospital and learned there a lot about setting boundaries and emotional detachment. When you are able to exercise those social tools and become an observer, rather than a participant, you'd be surprised at the number of different personality types you can tolerate or even possibly help.
Hard to believe but I've had this toxic friend from way back in 1971 and we still go on excursions every week.
What makes him toxic is his sarcasm and insults and obsession with serial killers and cannibals. He likes to graphically describe how the body parts are dismembered and eaten. He actually defends them but he says he just likes to push my buttons. So I guess I have to tolerate.
He's sarcastic and his insults are quite straightforward. Many times, he comes out directly and calls me an Idiot. On the other hand, there are many times where he realized the insult was totally uncalled for and he apologizes. So he has a good side too.
Actually,he has a very good side because many times when I needed a favor, he was the only one that would drop everything to come help me out. He's made quite a number of sacrifices for me.
During the 1970s we used to meet only once a month. But nowadays we meet every week and on the same day each time. He's always there waiting for me at the designated location. In fact, I don't even have to phone him the day before to remind him because our weekly meetings are so ingrained.
So despite his cannibalistic obsession and his general toxicity, I greatly value his friendship. In fact, I would say without hesitation that he's the best friend I've ever had. Certainly the longest lasting one because it began in 1971.
So do you have any toxic friends that you keep and even appreciate? And what makes you keep them?
No. And I think something is wrong with you for letting him insult you over and over. This is pretty sick. But I guess you like be put down and insulted.
I don't know if this would be considered toxic, but a friend of mine from childhood (we've been friends for around 45 years now) is a person I've found to be increasingly difficult to remain friends with.
The thing that makes it so difficult with this relationship is that she can be highly judgemental of others. When we were kids growing up together, there was always someone (and often many someones) who she did not like. And once she formed a negative opinion about them, they seemed to be in her bad books forever, no matter how unjustified her judgment may have been. For instance, she decided when we were around 14 or so to not like a girl who lived down the street from us (she was actually my younger sister's friend, but we often all wound up hanging out together)...what she based the dislike on I'm not sure, but I suspect it had to do with the girl's mother, who was a bit *odd*. My friend would call this girl stuck-up or spoiled, wouldn't come to my house if she was there, etc. Anyway, I hadn't seen my sister's friend in many, many years, but about 5 years ago I reconnected with her, and she is one of the sweetest women I've met, very caring, very nice. When I told my friend that I'd seen her and explained what a sweet person she was, I could almost feel the iciness in my friend's voice, even though she tried to hide it...and again, she wants nothing to do with her.
Yet on the other end of the scale, for people she does like, my friend would go out of her way and do absolutely anything for them. She can be one of the kindest, most caring persons in the world with anyone she likes, but again, extremely judgemental toward anyone she's decided not to like. It makes it very difficult to remain friends with a person like this, especially if she happens to not like someone that I do care for.
Anyway, contact with my friend has been rather sporadic in the past few years, given the distance we live apart...but in the past year or so I've found that I've become more uncomfortable with her, and it feels like the friendship has pretty much ended. I haven't heard from her almost a year now and have decided to no longer make that effort to stay in touch. I find it sad, but her judgemental opinions toward those who I do care for are just too difficult to be around.
My answer is yes. I have a few friends (not close ones, just regular ones) I would describe as toxic. Gossips, superficial socialites, mean girls, crazypants ladies, moochers, whiners, rageaholics, etc. I keep them at far enough length to enjoy the diversity they bring to my life. They tend to like me so they don't bother me with their antics. I'm entertained.
how come no one adressed the fact that this person calls the OP an "IDIOT" repeatedly? All of you would just put up with that as a quirk? Really? Hmmm. Friends don't call each other idiot more than once.
Wow, so good to see some people understanding what friendship is.
I would be happy if any of my friends called me an idiot - no, IDIOT! - trying to dissuade me from something stupid. I take it as a sign that they care about my well-being more than about having me as a friend - ant it's what friendship is. Go read a neighboring topic - a girl don't want to go celebrate another year of life of a friend with incurable cancer just because she is uncomfortable with people she doesn't know well. Oh yes, she is so freaking polite I can throw up.
Words don't matter when actions matter. Besides, it's now a trend to call friends "biRches," so what?
I call my friends idiots when we argue, and they call me an idiot back. Nobody gets offended because each have 1-2-3 degrees (up to PhD) under our belts. We have each other back. We tease, we fight, we help, we laugh at each other. We gossip about each other with those who gossip about us and we all know that all secrets will be shared, but not with the outside world.
OP, you have a really good, not boring friend, do me a favor, don't call him "toxic" because he isn't
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