Are we all liars?

[E-Twist]

Some people believe their own lies.

[reneeh63]

Eh...this is no surprise at all. However, some people are much more literal in their definition of what a lie is. There are a great many ways to say the same thing, from crushingly blunt to diplomatically veiled. What and which exactly is a lie? Perceptions of reality are completely subjective as are interpretations of what others say. We can clutch our pearls about everyone being liars or we can accept that there is a lot of subjectivity we need to take into account when evaluating what people say...that's life.

[homina12]

Originally Posted by AnthonyJ34

But what about simply adjusting one's persona to fit a specific social need or social situation? I'm an introvert, and I am often hyper-aware of whenever I am intentionally acting in a way that feels inauthentic or does not mirror my internal state.

I think an issue that I have is believing that my outward expressions (my public face, if you will) must align perfectly with my inner thoughts and feelings and motives in a given situation; and if it doesn't, then I feel as if I am lying or being deceptive. But in order to be socially appropriate or polite, I must often refrain from saying what I think or feel. In other instances I must often fabricate something or feign something that I don't genuinely feel but which is socially expected, e.g, feigning laughter or some positive emotion, or pretending not to be annoyed by something or someone, or appearing attentive or interested when I really am not.

From my perspective, much of my social success stems from my ability to be a good actor. And the "acting" part necessitates that I be deceptive or phony at times in order to make the act believable. I assume that most other people are doing the same thing, but maybe not?

Also, I believe that deception in and of itself is not inherently bad, so maybe these forms of social deceptions are simply social necessities that are harmless.

I just know that if I acted on every impulse or broadcasted every thought or shared every opinion or belief that I would come across as a social deviant and would probably find myself alone and ostracized in a hurry. Being deceptive at times and simply "playing the part" enable me to act normally.

Social dynamics and social psychology are very fascinating subjects.

I could have written the part in bold. I not only feel inauthentic, but I feel vaguely guilty about it. Rationally I know I'm being social, something that doesn't really come naturally to me but which I believe is good for me and for those around me, but on some level it feels like a lie of sorts.

[AnthonyJ34]

Originally Posted by homina12

I could have written the part in bold. I not only feel inauthentic, but I feel vaguely guilty about it. Rationally I know I'm being social, something that doesn't really come naturally to me but which I believe is good for me and for those around me, but on some level it feels like a lie of sorts.

I think I have to resign myself to the fact that, as a lifelong introvert who is very perceptive and analytical, that I will probably always feel somewhat disingenuous and phony when socializing. Like you, I often have pangs of guilt for being inauthentic while socializing. But I do realize that almost every single person wears some variety of a "social mask" while socializing, so I'm not the only one who is "acting" per se; it's just that I seem to be very much aware of the whole process and subsequently feeling bad about it. Lying simply feels wrong, and I am a very honest, trustworthy person overall, but in social settings, I feel as if I have to wear a face that is not altogether honest or authentic -- and that just feels sort of sneaky.

But maybe the social need to act appropriately and to mind social convention and to comport oneself in an acceptable way trumps being absolutely honesty in certain situations. Maybe a bit of phoniness is ok simply because it's part of what greases the wheels of social interaction. My social life would be a lot easier and much more enjoyable if I could simply give myself permission to go out and play the game like so many other people seem to be able to do, without constantly criticizing myself internally for not being real or for being inauthentic.

[jaminhealth]

I tell little fibs as to not hurt ones I care about, but lies in general, no. One who lies so much as to be on their toes and keep their lying stories in line.