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I once dropped out of a well-respected college in my country due to social anxiety. 7 years ago i cant handle being in public, even going to shopping malls alone freaked me out. Its a long story, but basically i had a nervous breakdown after having misunderstanding with then supposed-best friends. Some online bullying happened yadda yadda yadda it broke me in regards to socializing and being in public.
After that, i tried doing a part time study at a private college specializing in part time/online degree. I picked it because the classes aren't frequent and there was no group presentation needed whatsoever. I messed it up again, lost motivation along the way and just focus in working.
I have a stable job now, been working at the company for 3 years. I've been promoted 3 times, started from being a clerk to sales executive/supervisor. Its a small company but it pays good enough.
Few months ago I started thinking about continuing where i left off. It has always been a dream i suppose. Plus years have passed so I thought I could handle it now (with plenty of antidepressant and shrink's appointment). Got myself accepted into another college, with another part time degree. The previous college was getting a bit too expensive as it was a private college but lets not talk about finance here, its not important.
Well, there i was thinking i could do it, but here i am asking for advise and contemplating about quitting again. There's group study and group presentations and i haven't even made much friends with anyone. During the first class, i cant even introduce myself properly and was so effing nervous. The first class stressed me out so bad. Not because the subjects are hard but just because i couldn't socialize properly.
I get super stressed when lecturer's called me out to answer questions. In group discussion, i could barely voice my opinion. Obviously being a weirdo shows, so they weren't very interested in getting to know me as well. I'm already stressing out big time on upcoming group presentation.
I motivate myself, and got through the second class even though the first scared the f out of me. Yay me, but not yet.
Recently they created a group chat, where we can interact since we're all part timers and don't get to meet up frequently for discussions etc. This is gonna sound so stupid but what happened that's causing my anxiety to flare up is because: i got ignored in the group chat. Some of them are already friends with each other (like normal human should) and then there's me, the quite weirdo. Yesterday someone asked a question, while in the heat of also gossiping about their life. Nobody answered him, so I did. And suddenly everyone was quiet. No replies, no nothing. It brought me down but well maybe they're just busy huh? Maybe they have other better things to do.
Today, again, some of them were in the heat of chatting about a test. Felt I should give it another try. I mean come on, for crying out loud its just virtual talk, I don't see them and they don't see me. Should be a walk in the park. So i asked a question too. And again, nobody was bothered to answer. Few hours later, someone else (among the well-known students) posted a question, and within 2 minutes she got a reply. WTF
So here I am, feeling so stupid for feeling so stressed over this, and contemplating about quitting again. I know its my fault. I know they don't really feel the need to socialize nor reply to someone who they don't even know. I know that when you're not confident about yourself, it shows and effects how other people sees you too. So i dont blame them at all, even though i do admit i hate some of them now. The favoritism is real and very obvious (someone posted a reminder, plenty of people wished their thanks. The poster only replied 'welcome' to the people she knows, and obviously im not included and my thanks was also ignored)
Social anxiety sucks. And being a weak whinny biatch sucks too.
Are you working with the college's disability/accessibility office to get some accommodations for your anxiety issues? If you explore your options more, you might find that they can develop an independent study program for you where you wouldn't have to have the group interactions that trigger your anxiety, and your professors and classmates wouldn't be pushing you to do things that you can't do. Or you might find that the university environment is just not the best for you, and you get your education and training elsewhere. This has nothing to do with you being weak or abnormal--it's asking for the assistance that you need to make the most of your education.
Go to an online college, there are reputable ones out there. You still have to do group work but people are all over the country, no one knows each other.
I went to Pennsylvania State University (online), it is a very good college, and this is how the interaction with others mostly looked like:
- There is a topic and everyone gives an online statement and then responds to someone else's statement - doable, right?
- There is an assignment and you have to sign up into a group or they will group you - just add your name to one group, no one will reject you. Then someone usually takes over initiative on day 1 or 2 of the assignment and breaks the assignment down in parts and everyone gets a part. Do your part asap. Don't do it last minute. If the assignmet is posted Mondays and lasts until Sunday, be done by Thursday the latest. Everyone will appreciate that. Someone may take over and put the parts of the assignment together into one piece.
I hate group work and social interactions during college also. But don't make this a reason to not get a degree. You will be SO PROUD once you are done, I promise you, it will be worth it. I graduated 1,5 years ago and I am still flabbergasted I made it.
Are you working with the college's disability/accessibility office to get some accommodations for your anxiety issues? If you explore your options more, you might find that they can develop an independent study program for you where you wouldn't have to have the group interactions that trigger your anxiety, and your professors and classmates wouldn't be pushing you to do things that you can't do. Or you might find that the university environment is just not the best for you, and you get your education and training elsewhere. This has nothing to do with you being weak or abnormal--it's asking for the assistance that you need to make the most of your education.
From where I am (Asian country), its not being taken seriously. At best, they would probably tell me to stop making excuses or just quit studying altogether. Before meeting my first shrink, I had to go to a general clinic for a referral letter. Believe it or not, the doctor made fun of my suicidal thoughts and plans. So yeah, I dont really want to reveal my mental health status if possible.
Also, I wish I can be better myself. Its part of the reason Im back studying, I hope it can help me in being more socialized. So far, its only making me more depressed (and this i only after second class).
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
Go to an online college, there are reputable ones out there. You still have to do group work but people are all over the country, no one knows each other.
I went to Pennsylvania State University (online), it is a very good college, and this is how the interaction with others mostly looked like:
- There is a topic and everyone gives an online statement and then responds to someone else's statement - doable, right?
- There is an assignment and you have to sign up into a group or they will group you - just add your name to one group, no one will reject you. Then someone usually takes over initiative on day 1 or 2 of the assignment and breaks the assignment down in parts and everyone gets a part. Do your part asap. Don't do it last minute. If the assignmet is posted Mondays and lasts until Sunday, be done by Thursday the latest. Everyone will appreciate that. Someone may take over and put the parts of the assignment together into one piece.
I hate group work and social interactions during college also. But don't make this a reason to not get a degree. You will be SO PROUD once you are done, I promise you, it will be worth it. I graduated 1,5 years ago and I am still flabbergasted I made it.
I got you, in a way. Submitted my assignments (doing it while having all these annoying thoughts). It was quite challenging, trying to focus while all of the voices in your head is telling you to stop and f**k it. But i still managed them in the end, was even a bit proud of myself for producing quite a good paper (imo). I just really wish these thoughts arent so intrusive to my performance and wellbeings? Does that make sense? Idk
I once dropped out of a well-respected college in my country due to social anxiety. 7 years ago i cant handle being in public, even going to shopping malls alone freaked me out. Its a long story, but basically i had a nervous breakdown after having misunderstanding with then supposed-best friends. Some online bullying happened yadda yadda yadda it broke me in regards to socializing and being in public.
After that, i tried doing a part time study at a private college specializing in part time/online degree. I picked it because the classes aren't frequent and there was no group presentation needed whatsoever. I messed it up again, lost motivation along the way and just focus in working.
I have a stable job now, been working at the company for 3 years. I've been promoted 3 times, started from being a clerk to sales executive/supervisor. Its a small company but it pays good enough.
Few months ago I started thinking about continuing where i left off. It has always been a dream i suppose. Plus years have passed so I thought I could handle it now (with plenty of antidepressant and shrink's appointment). Got myself accepted into another college, with another part time degree. The previous college was getting a bit too expensive as it was a private college but lets not talk about finance here, its not important.
Well, there i was thinking i could do it, but here i am asking for advise and contemplating about quitting again. There's group study and group presentations and i haven't even made much friends with anyone. During the first class, i cant even introduce myself properly and was so effing nervous. The first class stressed me out so bad. Not because the subjects are hard but just because i couldn't socialize properly.
I get super stressed when lecturer's called me out to answer questions. In group discussion, i could barely voice my opinion. Obviously being a weirdo shows, so they weren't very interested in getting to know me as well. I'm already stressing out big time on upcoming group presentation.
I motivate myself, and got through the second class even though the first scared the f out of me. Yay me, but not yet.
Recently they created a group chat, where we can interact since we're all part timers and don't get to meet up frequently for discussions etc. This is gonna sound so stupid but what happened that's causing my anxiety to flare up is because: i got ignored in the group chat. Some of them are already friends with each other (like normal human should) and then there's me, the quite weirdo. Yesterday someone asked a question, while in the heat of also gossiping about their life. Nobody answered him, so I did. And suddenly everyone was quiet. No replies, no nothing. It brought me down but well maybe they're just busy huh? Maybe they have other better things to do.
Today, again, some of them were in the heat of chatting about a test. Felt I should give it another try. I mean come on, for crying out loud its just virtual talk, I don't see them and they don't see me. Should be a walk in the park. So i asked a question too. And again, nobody was bothered to answer. Few hours later, someone else (among the well-known students) posted a question, and within 2 minutes she got a reply. WTF
So here I am, feeling so stupid for feeling so stressed over this, and contemplating about quitting again. I know its my fault. I know they don't really feel the need to socialize nor reply to someone who they don't even know. I know that when you're not confident about yourself, it shows and effects how other people sees you too. So i dont blame them at all, even though i do admit i hate some of them now. The favoritism is real and very obvious (someone posted a reminder, plenty of people wished their thanks. The poster only replied 'welcome' to the people she knows, and obviously im not included and my thanks was also ignored)
Social anxiety sucks. And being a weak whinny biatch sucks too.
I can identify with your situation, although I am much older than you. I developed a social anxiety problem when I was around age 18-19, and it made it very difficult for me to go to college and, beyond that, to simply function normally. I became very isolated and hesitant as a person, and soon my social circle shrank, to the point of my feeling almost like a hermit at times. It was no fun. And I wasted many prime years because I was too socially anxious and fearful to put myself out there, so to speak. This problem can become very debilitating if left unchecked or unaddressed. And severe depression and loneliness can easily result.
I noticed OP that you had antidepressants and a therapist. Are you continuing these???
SA for me decreased when I finally found a regimen of ADs that worked well for me and my depression....
Perhaps you need to discuss with your psychiatrist further recommendations on how to address this debilitating issue.
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