Help me understand what was wrong with this interaction (viral video of Tony Robbins supposedly disrespecting the MeToo (marriage, relationship)
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In my 16 yrs of pro work experience, I've witnessed 2 separate so called harassment. They are just a male's direct innocent compliment to a female co-worker and taken as a sexual harassment. The women are just way overly sensitive and I think in the long run it will backfire. Guys especially bosses will stop having casual conversation in front of females and also they won't even get to know you anymore and promotions no longer given to women since male bosses are filtering out women from collaborating on team projects. I just can't see managers taking any risk these days. Once you put women in co-ed groups for projects, it is like swimming with sharks. The minute a guy opens his mouth about off-work topic it becomes harassment. Yet, when a woman asks a guy about his outside work stuff you'll never hear a man complain about harassment.
In my 16 yrs of pro work experience, I've witnessed 2 separate so called harassment. They are just a male's direct innocent compliment to a female co-worker and taken as a sexual harassment. The women are just way overly sensitive and I think in the long run it will backfire.
You don't get it.
When my Supervisor compliments me about my work, that is appropriate. When my Supervisor tells me I have nice legs, that makes me uncomfortable. Innocent compliment? It is an inappropriate compliment. Am I being overly sensitive--no. It is not appropriate in the work place to tell me I have nice legs.
Can we get back to the original topic? Or at least have some answers to a follow up question:
Why spend so much effort picking on someone like Tony when there are bigger fish to fry? Sure, he may have said and done some controversial things in that video but there still are countless people like Weinstein or Bill Cosby out there. This video has come out for a month and so far, no woman has come forward about unwanted sexual advances fron Tony and it's even more unlikely with each passing day. If it's more productive to take attention and anger away from actual abusers like them and focus on people like Tony (who IMO merely sparked controversy), please let enlighten me on the reasons why.
Why spend so much effort picking on someone like Tony when there are bigger fish to fry?
When one put themselves in the spotlight they also set themselves up for public comment and such. In the words of Don Miguel Ruiz, "Be impeccable with your word".
Not sure he will ever recover from saying such dumb things. Pushing that woman--that was the power of bullying.
In my 16 yrs of pro work experience, I've witnessed 2 separate so called harassment. They are just a male's direct innocent compliment to a female co-worker and taken as a sexual harassment. The women are just way overly sensitive and I think in the long run it will backfire. Guys especially bosses will stop having casual conversation in front of females and also they won't even get to know you anymore and promotions no longer given to women since male bosses are filtering out women from collaborating on team projects. I just can't see managers taking any risk these days. Once you put women in co-ed groups for projects, it is like swimming with sharks. The minute a guy opens his mouth about off-work topic it becomes harassment. Yet, when a woman asks a guy about his outside work stuff you'll never hear a man complain about harassment.
^^This
I never go to lunch with or socialize with female business associates. I strictly conduct my business with them and I'm gone. I shoot the bull and go have drinks with the guys all the time though.
This thread actually made me start thinking about how this "me too" movement and sexual harassment complaints/lawsuits are actually hindering women from advancing in the workplace rather than helping.
Why spend so much effort picking on someone like Tony when there are bigger fish to fry? Sure, he may have said and done some controversial things in that video but there still are countless people like Weinstein or Bill Cosby out there. This video has come out for a month and so far, no woman has come forward about unwanted sexual advances fron Tony and it's even more unlikely with each passing day. If it's more productive to take attention and anger away from actual abusers like them and focus on people like Tony (who IMO merely sparked controversy), please let enlighten me on the reasons why.
I wasn't aware that anyone was "picking on" Tony. He should justifiably held to account for his behavior. That video was appalling, especially from someone who has made millions coaching people on how to live their lives
The fact that there are others - e.g. Weinstein, Cosby and their ilk- who are "bigger fish" should not detract from TR's utter lack of self-awareness and ignorance.
His attitude- the nasty bullying and verbal flogging- reflect the attitude of too many men who just don't get it; look at some of the other comments here on this thread. I would hope that nobody here would support that type of behavior whether in a friend or a colleague, and I certainly hope that nobody would excuse wanting women to back down, sit down and shut up, or just go away as per this video.
He may or may not have committed any acts of abuse or harassment. He is a nasty piece of work, and if how he "handled" the woman in this video is emblematic of how he treats women in real life, then I too might hesitate to come forward.
It is not ok to bully, harass, abuse, or intimidate women. It has been going on for too long, and if men now are feeling the heat, then maybe it would benefit them to examine how they conduct themselves both personally and professionally.
About behavior in the workplace- vis a vis inviting the "new girl/gal" to lunch, not being able to have a conversation with a fellow male colleague, or feeling that men and women must be segregated- all I can say is that if men are so incapable of controlling themselves that they are unable to conduct themselves professionally and appropriately for 8 hours a day, then there are serious issues that speak directly to the topic at hand.
I never go to lunch with or socialize with female business associates. I strictly conduct my business with them and I'm gone. I shoot the bull and go have drinks with the guys all the time though.
This thread actually made me start thinking about how this "me too" movement and sexual harassment complaints/lawsuits are actually hindering women from advancing in the workplace rather than helping.
Please explain how the "me too" movement would justifiably and legally "hinder" women in the workplace and how that would look different from the garden variety "hindering" that has been going on in the workplace. And please consider that such an issue would never arise for a male manager who treats all his colleagues (male and female) respectfully and equitably.
Am I supposed to feel sorry for men in positions of authority because they now have to watch their mouths and be careful not to say something untoward, and watch their eyes and be careful not to talk to my chest? I mean, that's rough, buddy, but I've spent my entire female life watching my mouth to make sure I didn't come off as emotional or assertive or critical or bossy or human. The effing LEAST you can do is check yourself that you're not habitually belittling or harassing your female and/or minority colleagues.
Quoted For Truth, as the kids used to say. (Couldn't rep you, but +++)
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 04-13-2018 at 08:12 AM..
Can we get back to the original topic? Or at least have some answers to a follow up question:
Why spend so much effort picking on someone like Tony when there are bigger fish to fry? Sure, he may have said and done some controversial things in that video but there still are countless people like Weinstein or Bill Cosby out there. This video has come out for a month and so far, no woman has come forward about unwanted sexual advances fron Tony and it's even more unlikely with each passing day. If it's more productive to take attention and anger away from actual abusers like them and focus on people like Tony (who IMO merely sparked controversy), please let enlighten me on the reasons why.
Certainly, I'd be happy to speak to the mindset that makes some of us want to point at this, and say something. Because it's not a zero sum game, that's why. Because taking the time to be here talking about this, I am not sacrificing time I would otherwise be using to yell at a rapist instead, necessarily. I have plenty of time and use it as I like. And in order to actually make ANY real difference in how we are treated, women DO have to enlighten men on the many things great and small that contribute to a mindset, which allows men to push and violate our boundaries and disrespect us as human beings. I don't know HOW many men, I have allowed a friendly hug, and they decided next time, they could go ahead and snatch a kiss, maybe on the side of my face. Then next time they are holding the hug longer, nuzzling my neck and saying, "mmm" then before ya know it, they're snuggling up next to me when I was just sitting there by myself. Then if I let that slide because hey, he's just really a sweet guy, then eventually his hands are on me, or he's trying to make a full on mouth kiss happen. Guys test boundaries like god-damn velociraptors. And men don't know, unless they DO this, because they don't see it...actually, they do, but guys who employ these tactics want to defend them, and other guys who don't do such things-- they might PRETEND ignorance, but how about how that man would talk to his daughter, about how she has to navigate a world with men in it?
If you don't think that men behave inappropriately, imagine yourself trying to tell your daughter that she doesn't need to worry about men with agendas. And no, I do not care if you don't have a daughter, so don't come back with that if that's the case, this is a hypothetical exercise. Men WARN women that they care about.
But making men's bad behavior OUR problem that we have to structure our clothing, body language, words, eye contact, where we go and what we do, in order to manage day to day... Man you go far enough down that spectrum and you have women swathed in black sheets and living in compounds, or locked away in convents until the day they marry and become their husband's property. We are not too many generations, from an evolutionary perspective, from a time when women were property, not people. Because there would appear to be some discomfort and confusion on the part of some men, in figuring out how to interact with suddenly sentient objects, we continue to speak up and say, "Here is a good example of how not to. Please pay attention. Thanks."
The POINT of MeToo, is to try and show men how ubiquitous it is, that women, practically EVERY woman, at least in the US, has dealt with some sort of inappropriate behavior from men. And I really wish that there were some way to get a bead on what percentage of men around us are genuinely trying to understand and adjust, and what percentage are defending the good ol' game and status quo, or denying it's even a problem. That would be a very interesting stat to have, IMO.
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You don't get it.
