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You may have noticed that every so often I post threads regarding my tendency to reminisce about my early 20s.
I do this every 3 or 4 months, and I'm starting to wonder if it suggests I may have occasional bouts of depression.
Thing is, I have no reason to feel depressed.
- Relationship: My wife and I have been together for 13 years, four as a married couple. We live in a condo we bought three years ago. The relationship has been better than I could ever ask for, even though we have had occasional fights and disagreements over the years. She's not perfect, but neither am I. At times we've hit rough patches, but we've gotten through them. We've begun talking about starting a family.
- Career: I've worked in the same job for almost seven years. Good pay and benefits. Solid company. Nice people. I have hit a ceiling in my current role, though, and have applied/interviewed for a couple of positions at other companies over the last year or two -- none of which have panned out.
My boss is at retirement age, but I don't know when she'll leave and whether that would put me in a position to get promoted. In the meantime, I'm enjoying the tremendous flexibility the job affords me (leave at 5:30 on the dot, flexible with lunch breaks and appointments, not stressful, etc.). Still, sometimes I feel bored and unchallenged. I'm not learning much, and my skills aren't being put to use as I'd like them to be. My boss and her boss are stuck in their ways. They've each been here 20+ years, as have 3 others in the department. I'm 33 but most of the others are in their 50s and 60s.
While part of me wants a new challenge, the other part is comfortable staying. I'm afraid to rock the boat because of previous experiences where certain jobs didn't work out. I don't have the flexibility to leave jobs like I did, say, 10 years ago, because I have a mortgage to pay and a wife that depends on me now. My hope is that I can find something in a different dept within this very company, which is large and established in the industry.
Health: While a few issues have cropped up in recent years, none are very serious (thank God). As I've gotten older, I've become more diligent about going regularly to the doctor and leading a healthier lifestyle.
Finances: Very stable, thanks to the fact I started saving up in my early 20s.
My life isn't perfect, but I don't think there's any reason to be depressed.
Sometimes, though, my mind loves to wander back to 2005 -- what I like to call the most consequential and exciting year of my life.
My wife and I were friends back in middle school. After not having seen each other for 9 years, we reconnected on MySpace that year and hooked up shortly thereafter. It was magical and unexpected. I'd only had a couple of short-lived flings prior to this, and just a few days after turning 20 in 2005, I suddenly had a girlfriend-- one I sensed was a keeper. And I was right.
It was also an amazing time because of college, even though I was a commuter student. I transferred from a community college to a university for my upper level courses. The question of which career I'd pursue was also settled that year. I wound up changing my major from accounting (which my dad pushed on me since high school) to marketing, a better fit given my love of writing. I loved being a student and always excelled at school. I felt in my element in college, and once I graduated, it took me a while to get used to the 9-5 grind. To this day, I don't feel I've gotten entirely used to it.
I also had my first paid job in 2005, and I loved pop culture (music, movies, etc.).
Let's come back to the present. The only thing I can think of is:
- My life has largely settled into something of a routine/pattern. I'm comfortable in my job and relationship, but both are showing their age.
- I don't feel I have as many opportunities ahead of me as I did then.
- I miss being more carefree.
- I miss the novelty of 2005 -- so many things were fresh and exciting, from starting a new job and relationship to beginning a new college journey.
- I was busier then and didn't have time to wallow.
Yes, I do many things on the side to try to inject variety into my life, from reading books and blogging to traveling to new cities with my wife. I want to keep trying new things, like learning how to play the guitar, getting a master's, etc.
Perhaps 2005 really was an exceptional, once-in-a-lifetime kind of year given everything I experienced. Maybe sometimes I yearn to recapture some of that magic now, but I know it isn't feasible.
Maybe it's time for something life-changing that will keep me busier and prevent me from going down memory lane so often, like getting a pet, having a baby, getting a master's, getting a new job, etc. Traveling has certainly enhanced my life, but it's not enough.
I may just need to take a risk and do something to shake things up -- but I haven't quite put my finger on what that is. My gut tells me the job may play a role because of the ample downtime it gives me, which leads me to reminisce so much. I see many around my age leaving my company after 2 or 3 years, while I've remained for 7 and have yet to receive a promotion of any kind.
And what better year to look back on to summon exciting memories than 2005?
When I got married and moved to our condo, my ultimate goal was having a simple life, which is why we bought a condo instead of a house (less upkeep) and, at one point, I contemplated not having kids.
I succeeded in that my life is pretty simple and relaxed, but maybe that's the problem. I've noticed I don't reminisce as much when I'm busier, either at work or in my personal life. It could also be due to my contemplative nature; I tend to overthink things.
Any thoughts/suggestions?
Last edited by Wordsmith12; 04-18-2018 at 11:26 AM..
I see many around my age leaving my company after 2 or 3 years, while I've remained for 7 and have yet to receive a promotion of any kind.
I think the above could cause some "depression" in most people.
I reminisce a fair bit myself, but I don't see that it has any thing to do with being depressed.
I think you should rule out your job being the cause of this. Try harder to get a new one!
Also, it might be helpful to start a gratitude journal. Write about the things that you are currently pleased with and grateful for. After a while, more things will start coming to mind seemingly out of nowhere. You'll feel much happier.
I know this is going to sound cliche but instead of seeking satisfaction with the outside world(hobbies, traveling, work, etc...), try to focus on your inner world. Connect with your higher self. Ask yourself, "WHO AM I?". What truly matters to you?
Pining and reminiscing about the past too often can be a sign of depression, but does not necessarily mean you are depressed.
From what I read you could be suffering from one of the following:
A. Existential Angst... Questioning the meaning of life, your role in it, what is the purpose and what is it all about, etc.
B. Responsibility Creeping Up On You... How on earth did I wind up with this mortgage and my wife depending on me? What if something happens to me or my general health? Can I keep things going? etc...
C. Trapped In The Mundane Routine Of Everyday Life... Somehow I thought there would be more variety, excitement and adventure...
D. Somewhat Early Onset Of Mid-Life Crisis.... Don't panic, you are only in your 30's...
Consider examining these elements individually, or in various combinations of one or more to see if you might more accurately pinpoint what is going on.
I think you should rule out your job being the cause of this. Try harder to get a new one!
Thanks for your reply. The sentences above seem to contradict each other, though. You're saying it's probably not the source of my unhappiness, but I should still aim to get a new one?
Pining and reminiscing about the past too often can be a sign of depression, but does not necessarily mean you are depressed.
From what I read you could be suffering from one of the following:
A. Existential Angst... Questioning the meaning of life, your role in it, what is the purpose and what is it all about, etc.
B. Responsibility Creeping Up On You... How on earth did I wind up with this mortgage and my wife depending on me? What if something happens to me or my general health? Can I keep things going? etc...
C. Trapped In The Mundane Routine Of Everyday Life... Somehow I thought there would be more variety, excitement and adventure...
D. Somewhat Early Onset Of Mid-Life Crisis.... Don't panic, you are only in your 30's...
Consider examining these elements individually, or in various combinations of one or more to see if you might more accurately pinpoint what is going on.
Thanks for your reply. If I had to guess, I would probably say C.
Notice how I keep reflecting on an earlier time in my life when things were in fact more exciting. In 2005, life seemed full of possibilities.
That doesn't mean I can't make changes in my life to infuse it with more excitement. As I said earlier, we travel to new places, visit new restaurants, etc.
I suppose that it was just easier as a 20-year-old college student. That stage of your life lends itself to more variety.
I think in your 20's there is so much unknown about where life will take you that makes it so much more exciting. In your 30's and later you wonder if where you are is where you will always be. You start looking at your life and trying to see if it measures up to where you thought you would be and, even if it does, you wonder why it is not more exciting or you are more satisfied.
Try to figure out how to make your everyday life more exciting or else you will just be living for the trips and new places. Find a new hobby you can be excited about. Try to start dating your wife again and really get to know her again. It is highly unlikely you are the same people you were when you met. Sometimes in the everyday rush of things, you don't key in on that and can grow apart and your relationship just becomes routine.
I think in your 20's there is so much unknown about where life will take you that makes it so much more exciting. In your 30's and later you wonder if where you are is where you will always be. You start looking at your life and trying to see if it measures up to where you thought you would be and, even if it does, you wonder why it is not more exciting or you are more satisfied.
Try to figure out how to make your everyday life more exciting or else you will just be living for the trips and new places. Find a new hobby you can be excited about. Try to start dating your wife again and really get to know her again. It is highly unlikely you are the same people you were when you met. Sometimes in the everyday rush of things, you don't key in on that and can grow apart and your relationship just becomes routine.
Great post. I agree with everything you said.
I've realized I'm happier when I stay focused on my goals. I have to remind myself that there's so much I have yet to accomplish. Instead of ruminating about the past, I need to concentrate on all the things I still want to do -- get a pet, have a kid, get a master's, get another job down the road, write a book (my dream), learn how to play guitar, read several books I haven't gotten to, etc.
Many possibilities lie on the horizon, but sometimes I seem to forget that.
Well, it is hard to compete with your 20s. You have a huge amount of energy, fewer responsibilities, and lots of years in front of you. I lived in New York then and enjoyed all the city had to offer. Hung out with my still single college buddies, chased girls, and traveled to Europe at least once per year. Halcyon days of youth.
Do I miss that? Sure. But what brings me down to Earth is imagining being like that now at 52. And I try to appreciate what this age has to offer (family, stability, more money).
Try to inject more variety into your life (traveling, concerts, write that book). And never forget that History is a generous editor.
Well, it is hard to compete with your 20s. You have a huge amount of energy, fewer responsibilities, and lots of years in front of you. I lived in New York then and enjoyed all the city had to offer. Hung out with my still single college buddies, chased girls, and traveled to Europe at least once per year. Halcyon days of youth.
Do I miss that? Sure. But what brings me down to Earth is imagining being like that now at 52. And I try to appreciate what this age has to offer (family, stability, more money).
Try to inject more variety into your life (traveling, concerts, write that book). And never forget that History is a generous editor.
Agreed!
I also think that when you're in your early 20s, there is so much going on that you don't have much time to catch your breath or ruminate about the future. You're living in the moment, and each day seems to bring something new.
At that age, the future looks bright from where you're standing, and waiting to see how things will turn out is half the fun.
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