Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Your fiancee does seem to have a surprisingly healthy approach to her family dysfunction. If you really love your fiancee and see a long future with her, then you two should have a talk and make a pre-marriage pact that you two are going to be a team.
Together you will be like a fortress against all the "crazy" around you.
You will support each other when other family members make unreasonable demands on you.
I do not think you should pursue ANY relationship with this man beyond anything cordial and surface. I think you should support your fiancee's tendency to keep her dad at arm's length, and I think you should encourage her to explain to her mom that she is going to reinforce those emotional boundaries with her dad. She needs to let her mom know gently that she doesn't want her continued pressure to keep in touch with her dad.
Her parents have made their own choices. Now they need to back off and let their children make their own decisions about who they want in their own lives.
Your fiancee does seem to have a surprisingly healthy approach to her family dysfunction. If you really love your fiancee and see a long future with her, then you two should have a talk and make a pre-marriage pact that you two are going to be a team.
Together you will be like a fortress against all the "crazy" around you.
You will support each other when other family members make unreasonable demands on you.
I do not think you should pursue ANY relationship with this man beyond anything cordial and surface. I think you should support your fiancee's tendency to keep her dad at arm's length, and I think you should encourage her to explain to her mom that she is going to reinforce those emotional boundaries with her dad. She needs to let her mom know gently that she doesn't want her continued pressure to keep in touch with her dad.
Her parents have made their own choices. Now they need to back off and let their children make their own decisions about who they want in their own lives.
Your fiancee does seem to have a surprisingly healthy approach to her family dysfunction. If you really love your fiancee and see a long future with her, then you two should have a talk and make a pre-marriage pact that you two are going to be a team.
Together you will be like a fortress against all the "crazy" around you.
You will support each other when other family members make unreasonable demands on you.
I do not think you should pursue ANY relationship with this man beyond anything cordial and surface. I think you should support your fiancee's tendency to keep her dad at arm's length, and I think you should encourage her to explain to her mom that she is going to reinforce those emotional boundaries with her dad. She needs to let her mom know gently that she doesn't want her continued pressure to keep in touch with her dad.
Her parents have made their own choices. Now they need to back off and let their children make their own decisions about who they want in their own lives.
👍 and can’t add much more other than congratulations on your engagement.
Thanks You so much for the response - I agree, that calling him out would not be any sort of solution, as he is pretty stuck in his ways. It’s sheer frustration that makes me think otherwise. She does a great job at boundries and maintaining them, though she often feels she has to cross them when her mother begs her to call her father, she gives in and is left in tears after the call each time :\
Backstory - her father immigrated from Iran to New York in the mid 2000s, met her Guatmalean mother and BAM! The love of my life was made!
After moving from New York to Texas, her fathers health started to decline,mentally at first (Deprrssion, anxiety) followed by a botched back surgery and later being diagnosed with Diabeties and Fibromalogia.
He guilt trips anyone over lack of reaching out if he can, yet disregards his disprespectfulness he imposes on the people around him when they do show up. He is without a doubt over medicating which I believe to be a part of the problem. I’m no doctor but to be prescribed Ambien, Xanex, Ocycodon while taking antidepressants and Insulin cannot too healthy.
He’s already had one kidney removed due to cancer which feel may be in relation to the Illneses/medication he’s been cycling through the years. Though he can walk with the help of a Cain, or make it outside for a bite to eat, he has NO desire to eat better (McDonalds) or try to exercise, which I know could improve his situation some.
I’m not trying to be harsh on anyone with illness but complacency is surely at play in my opionion, and chemical intervention the only soltuion I’m being told. So, he now is trying to get to know Me (understandably) and my mother in law is egging it on.
Shes the sweetest woman I know and It burns me to see the toll it takes. As I try to navigate it all, I just want to ensure I’m doing right by her, and I don’t know weather thats calling this man out or appeasing him and her mother in the way the family has done thus far. Thoughts?
Thanks
Don't appease an abuser. I would keep boo coo distance, I would NOT get to know him, I would urge my fiance` to back off. I have numerous kin who I don't communicate with because I have no interest in their insane ways. Do not invite abuse, and the closer you get the more abuse you'll get IMHO.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
