How Fake Are You in Dealing with "Difficult People?" (parent, feelings)

[nobodysbusiness]

That does sound like a good strategy you have going there.

It is a fine line between displaying common courtesy and going the extra step and being fake and not expressing yourself.

[randomparent]

To be clear, though, I'm referring to interactions with challenging but not abusive people. When I re-read your posts, I see that there is someone in your life who is prone to explosive outbursts. That is a concerning statement. If this person is a threat, please remove yourself from further interaction with him or her. Choosing not to indulge a difficult person's desire for drama does not mean opening yourself up to being hurt, but for run-of-the-mill, crazy-making behavior, just say in a calm tone of voice, "I feel uncomfortable with this situation, discussion, etc. Let's move on." It works for me!

[nobodysbusiness]

Yeah. This person doesn't always respond to calmness or logic, but I hear ya.

[Spuggy]

Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness

Stuffing one's thoughts and feelings for years and years (or in some cases, modifying them to be more "presentable"), takes a toll.

If you don't have this problem, you are a rare individual. Most people modify their behavior to "fit in." If you won't admit it, you're probably lying to yourself.

I can’t imagine living like that What are you doing about it.

[Parnassia]

Originally Posted by zentropa

I don't think that not saying everything that goes through your mind is fake. I think it's sane and socially well-adjusted. I have different demeanors for different situations, but I'm not reading from a script or anything.

Fake to me is when one tries to make others believe something about them that isn't true. When I am being professional, that's me. When I'm keeping my temper in check, that's me. When I am being kind to someone, even though I'm having a bad day, that's me.

Good way to express it. What I consider "fake" is NOT how I would label my handling of a difficult person. What I choose to do or not do depends a lot on why they are being a pain. For some, it is simple dismissal. I am not faking. For others, it's a refusal to engage, not allowing them to get their feed. I am not faking. For others I know happen to be acting out because they have lost control of themselves, it's patience, or empathy. That's not fake either. If I choose to follow some tenet of etiquette in a certain situation, to follow a law or a custom, that's not fake. It means I realize it is not the right place or time to let it all hang loose. Another time the same action may be fine. All in all, very little to none of it is fakery. Leave that to paranoid politicians agonizing over approval ratings.

Somehow I doubt that my undiluted, "speak my truth" self is so abhorrent I have to fake something in order to be permitted into society. Think the last time I felt I actively had to shoehorn myself into someone else's expectation was in high school. Just because I choose not to wallop a snarky person over the head with a grain shovel every time they annoy me doesn't mean I am faking anything.

[saltwater_gypsy]

I don’t argue with grown people, difficult or not. I just see no see desire in being super nice or conforming to *******s. I do however, use the broken record strategy.

[dijkstra]

I just tell it like it is for the most part. I really don't care if someone likes me or not. I have to deal with a-holes in business on a regular basis and I have found that they tend to take it down a couple of notches and act more professionally once they find out you can be just as big of an asshat if provoked.

As far as people trying to be fake and patronizing to me, I hate it. I hate it with a passion and I can see right through it in just a few seconds. One thing I really can't stand is the corporate speak where they try to figure out what you want to hear and attempt to tell you that instead of just answering the question or discussing a problem to find a resolution. I usually just sort of write those people off and avoid them in the future as much as possible. I don't have time for some corporate jackass to be trying to blow smoke up my ass.

[don1945]

I've been in sales of one type or another most of my adult life, and I deal with difficult people all day long. My approach is that I listen to them, let them vent, ask my questions respectfully, and then try to make it better. I am there to win, to get them to calm down and buy something and be happy. When I turn around someone who was difficult, and they shake my hand at the end and thank me, I accomplished what I am paid to do.


People are just people, and you can't take everything they do personally..........otherwise, you will go nuts.

[Sassybluesy]

Originally Posted by zentropa

I don't think that not saying everything that goes through your mind is fake. I think it's sane and socially well-adjusted. I have different demeanors for different situations, but I'm not reading from a script or anything.

Fake to me is when one tries to make others believe something about them that isn't true. When I am being professional, that's me. When I'm keeping my temper in check, that's me. When I am being kind to someone, even though I'm having a bad day, that's me.

Kind of the same for me.


There are people at work who see an aspect of my true self. Polite and friendly. I'm genuine, in that moment. It IS an aspect of me.


There are a couple of friends at work, who see the smart mouth sassy side of me, because they return the sassy right back, and it's fun. THEY see a different, but genuine aspect of myself.


My husband sees other aspects of me, no less genuine. My kids see a different aspect, my siblings see a different aspect.


It's all good.


Truly, in this moment, I can only think of one person who I am 'fake' with. There is a difficult woman here at work, who I don't trust, and I think she'd stab me in the back, if she could. She gets my fake nice, cause I'm certainly not feeling it with her.

[Frihed89]

I walk away.