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There is a friend who I have had an off and on romance with. We care deeply for each other. All the years throughout our friendship, he has barely met any of my friends due to being shy and introverted. It's always been 1-1 when we hang out. With that being said there are strong romantic feelings on both ends even though we aren't a couple. He is VERY shy and socially anxious.
Lately he has taken the initiative to meet my friends. A year ago, he would have never wanted to. Now though he is willing and able to meet my friends on his own accord, even though he's still a nervous person in social situations. Be it in small groups or large groups.
The first two times I made sure to keep the outings small. On the first outing it was with just one of my best friends. Then the second outing was with just one friend as well. Both went well. With the first outing though he was rather shy and nervous but did okay. Second outing he seemed to handle it much better.
Then after that it was my birthday party. 25 friends and family were gathering, a couple of those being some guys I dated in the past which he knew about. I figured this was going to be a lot for him.
When we hung out a few days before the party, I thanked him for willing to go to my bday party and told him I appreciate it as I know big groups aren't his thing. Then the day of the party when he was asking me what time he should be there at I told him, but then I also texted him letting him know that I know big groups aren't his thing, so if at any point he feels uncomfortable or overwhelmed to just let me know. He responded in a playful manner to give him more credit. I responded saying okay, I would drop it, was only saying because I care.
Do you think that was condescending of me to do? I am so extroverted that I don't know if to someone who is introverted and shy that would be comforting or agitate them?
There is a friend who I have had an off and on romance with. We care deeply for each other. All the years throughout our friendship, he has barely met any of my friends due to being shy and introverted. It's always been 1-1 when we hang out. With that being said there are strong romantic feelings on both ends even though we aren't a couple. He is VERY shy and socially anxious.
Lately he has taken the initiative to meet my friends. A year ago, he would have never wanted to. Now though he is willing and able to meet my friends on his own accord, even though he's still a nervous person in social situations. Be it in small groups or large groups.
The first two times I made sure to keep the outings small. On the first outing it was with just one of my best friends. Then the second outing was with just one friend as well. Both went well. With the first outing though he was rather shy and nervous but did okay. Second outing he seemed to handle it much better.
Then after that it was my birthday party. 25 friends and family were gathering, a couple of those being some guys I dated in the past which he knew about. I figured this was going to be a lot for him.
When we hung out a few days before the party, I thanked him for willing to go to my bday party and told him I appreciate it as I know big groups aren't his thing. Then the day of the party when he was asking me what time he should be there at I told him, but then I also texted him letting him know that I know big groups aren't his thing, so if at any point he feels uncomfortable or overwhelmed to just let me know. He responded in a playful manner to give him more credit. I responded saying okay, I would drop it, was only saying because I care.
Do you think that was condescending of me to do? I am so extroverted that I don't know if to someone who is introverted and shy that would be comforting or agitate them?
No, you were fine. You were just trying to be considerate. And I think he was just letting YOU know that he can handle this social interaction. :-)
I have a friend who's very extroverted. She makes friends everywhere she goes. If there's a band playing somewhere, she makes friends with the band members without ever having met them.
She makes friends with restaurant staff, the people sitting the next table over, and on and on. Truthfully, it makes me a little jealous. Well...it used to. Until one day she told me that she always feels coldness from introverts, and feels like introverts just plain don't like her, and that she does everything wrong.
Wow. I never had thought about it from her perspective before, and I felt a little ashamed of myself, even though I don't think that was her intention.
We're just all wired differently...and I think we forget that sometimes. Now, I just say "Extroverts are door openers, and we should go through when they go through."
There is a friend who I have had an off and on romance with. We care deeply for each other. All the years throughout our friendship, he has barely met any of my friends due to being shy and introverted. It's always been 1-1 when we hang out. With that being said there are strong romantic feelings on both ends even though we aren't a couple. He is VERY shy and socially anxious.
Lately he has taken the initiative to meet my friends. A year ago, he would have never wanted to. Now though he is willing and able to meet my friends on his own accord, even though he's still a nervous person in social situations. Be it in small groups or large groups.
The first two times I made sure to keep the outings small. On the first outing it was with just one of my best friends. Then the second outing was with just one friend as well. Both went well. With the first outing though he was rather shy and nervous but did okay. Second outing he seemed to handle it much better.
Then after that it was my birthday party. 25 friends and family were gathering, a couple of those being some guys I dated in the past which he knew about. I figured this was going to be a lot for him.
When we hung out a few days before the party, I thanked him for willing to go to my bday party and told him I appreciate it as I know big groups aren't his thing. Then the day of the party when he was asking me what time he should be there at I told him, but then I also texted him letting him know that I know big groups aren't his thing, so if at any point he feels uncomfortable or overwhelmed to just let me know. He responded in a playful manner to give him more credit. I responded saying okay, I would drop it, was only saying because I care.
Do you think that was condescending of me to do? I am so extroverted that I don't know if to someone who is introverted and shy that would be comforting or agitate them?
I'm an introvert, and I'm also very sensitive to real and sometimes imaginary slights, and I think it was very kind of you to be so considerate.
I'm a super introvert. Wish my wife was as sensitive as you. You are doing fine. However, it would probably irk me as a guy that you are inviting old flames. (No matter how innocent your intentions )
What are you doing inviting ex-boy friends to your party,this is insensitive.
Never said they were ex’s. One is a guy who I dated for three weeks, and then we decided to be friends. Out of the three years I have known him and we’ve been friends we only dated for three weeks at the very beginning. It’s just my introvert friend knows about that history, so I know he gets nervous about that particular friend (also because that friend looks like a freaking model). The other guy I went on a few dates, most we did was make out once and we’ve been only friends since.
So technically I “dated” these guys, but they were never anything serious nor did they go far at all. They in the end became friends. My introvert friend was asking about them though prior to the party.
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