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This seems a clear case of Social Anxiety. I am usually not one to suggest medications, but it may work in this case. Cognitive therapy also works - in combo with the meds or without. But it probably should be done with a pro...unless the OP has the smarts to look it all up and do it in steps.
There are many various phobias and anxieties which are related to this. To the OP - please know that you are not alone. A pretty large percentage of the population has one or more of these types of phobias. Fear of public speaking, I think, is the single largest thing people are afraid of. Many are afraid of crowds - often for good reason (I could tell you stories).
There is a social anxiety based around public restrooms - obviously this has to do with people watching. A fairly large percentage of people are uncomfortable doing their business with others watching or listening. I knew a guy who couldn't stand to hear or watch people eat! Turns out that is fairly common also.
I think the first thing you need to do is to outline what is real and what is not. Example: Perhaps you live in a relatively bad neighborhood. If that is the case, it may be that you do have to "watch your back" and "act confident" in a way you would not have to if you lived in a safe area. My wife is from the poor side of the tracks and she developed a "street sense" very young....because if she did not, she would have been a target! That's not a disorder...that's knowing your surroundings.
It sounds to me like you need some "safe spaces". For example, a group of friends or a GF where you can just be yourself and laid back. You may be able to play a sport, do some volunteer work, etc. which allows you this type of relaxation.
Chances are that you are good at doing something - or can be with some training and/or education. At your age you definitely need some direction and discipline (self or otherwise) in order to handle what is coming (adulthood).
OP, you never stopped in at the counseling center on campus, did you?
This is all a continuation of what we have discussed before.
You want help but you haven't been able to make yourself make even that effort yet. Am I right?
Hi CatzPaw,
I did stop in once. I spoke with the counselor to briefly talk about me possibly having ADHD. She basically told me it will be a good idea to speak to my doctor. I didn't talk to her about my anxiety. Like I've said with my social anxiety, I've been trying to rely on self-help methods to try to start overcoming it. I have thought about speaking to a therapist about this, which will probably be helpful, but I don't really want my parents to know about that. My parents are pretty dismissive towards my issues. I've talked about social anxiety with my parents in the past, and they just told me, "There's nothing to be afraid of." I know my fears are pretty irrational, but it's hard for my brain to convince me of that. I'll probably seek therapy in the future once I'm living on my own if I still struggle with this, but right now I've been trying to rely on self-help.
With the ADHD, I have talked to my General Practice Physician about it, and he told me I probably have it, but I would have to speak to a Psychiatrist for further testing and to get medication. I told my mother about this, and she does not want me to speak to a Psychiatrist and possibly go on medication for ADHD. My mother doesn't want me to be labeled. My mother has bad misconceptions about medication. She told me she has known people who were on medication and it screwed them up and she believes doctors give out medication like it's candy. She believes the doctors mostly care about the money and not the health of their patients. I tried to tell her the benefits ADHD meds can have and that not all medications are the same and how they are very helpful for many people, but she doesn't want to hear it. She told me I should just try to cope with it the best I can.
This is why I'm trying to get the courage to get a job so I can talk to a Psych and possibly get the meds myself.
Whenever my father observes me doing something he always judges or makes fun of the way I walk. He tells me I walk very stiff.
My father always tells me, "You have to always watch your surroundings when you're out. You have to walk with your head up and your chest out. You have to man up and toughen up. You have to appear strong. You can't appear weak or scared, because people will try to harm you if you appear vulnerable." This is why I'm always a little paranoid when I'm out of my house or being watched by people, because I don't want them to think I'm weak and I don't want them to treat me like I'm nothing because of it or try to harm me.
IMO, all your problems stem from your father's poor parenting skills. I suggest you remove yourself more from him to be honest and just start being yourself and not worry about what others think. I doubt anyone will really notice what the heck you are doing especially these days with everyone glued to their phones.
You don't need to stick your chest out or really walk a certain way. People walk all kinds of different ways and some slouch, some drag their feet and some do whatever. No one cares. Really, people just don't have time to think about how someone is walking.
Be yourself and forget all the crap your father says. I know the type. Parents should be more supportive, but some aren't. Some are always telling you how horrible you do everything. That is unlikely. If you have some good friends, they should help you get out of your shell. If not, you can just be yourself on your own. If you feel things are too much then just say, "sometimes you need to just not give a f___."
When I think about life with my father, nothing really positive came from life with him. I got to know him somewhat better in the last 3 months of his life...he drank all his life. Your dad?
There are a lot of supplements that can help with your anxiety and I am not a fan of all the drugs that make pharma richer and richer. Some are: Inositol, Gaba, L Theanine...all otc and one or the other could help calm your mind.
I did stop in once. I spoke with the counselor to briefly talk about me possibly having ADHD. She basically told me it will be a good idea to speak to my doctor. I didn't talk to her about my anxiety. Like I've said with my social anxiety, I've been trying to rely on self-help methods to try to start overcoming it. I have thought about speaking to a therapist about this, which will probably be helpful, but I don't really want my parents to know about that. My parents are pretty dismissive towards my issues. I've talked about social anxiety with my parents in the past, and they just told me, "There's nothing to be afraid of." I know my fears are pretty irrational, but it's hard for my brain to convince me of that. I'll probably seek therapy in the future once I'm living on my own if I still struggle with this, but right now I've been trying to rely on self-help.
DCT, I would encourage you to go back to the counseling center and broach the subject of your social anxiety this time. They may be able to send you to someone in health services on campus that can see you as a patient. You know Wayne has a medical school. There are psychiatrists right there on campus and you may be able to get access to one. At the least, you may be able to see a psychologist. But I think you need to disclose a little more about what's going on with you and also your family dynamic. They don't know you're out there. You're going to have to ASK them to help you.
The reason to start there is that these are free or reduced cost resources that may be available to you now as an enrolled student. Are you taking classes this summer? You can probably schedule appointments when you're scheduled to be on campus for classes so your parents don't have to know or have any involvement. I'm sorry that your mother is not more open to your getting help since you have said before that she's been pretty supportive of you.
I'm glad you walked in once. Please consider going back. You really need to make it plain that the social anxiety is crippling you. They can also help you with dealing with your dad because you know that he's not going to change. Don't count on doing it all alone. At least give it another shot.
I'm a 20 year old male. I decided that I'm going to try to get out of my comfort zone. I went out for a short walk around my neighborhood just now. I notice I have this intense fear of being watched or looked at. During my walk I had cars riding by. I hate when cars ride by me because I feel like the person driving or the people in the car are looking at me and judging me. I had to walk near an intersection to get back to my house. I don't like when cars are stopped at an intersection and I have to cross, because I feel like everyone in their vehicles are staring at me and judging me. Judging the way I walk. Them sensing or noticing that I'm nervous or uncomfortable, and judging me for it.
I also have a fear of catching my neighbors sitting on their porch. I didn't catch anyone sitting on their porch during my walk. However, I have these thoughts like "What if I see my neighbors sitting on their porch? Should I say hello to them? Should I wave? What if they ignore me? What if I don't speak and they think I'm ignorant or rude? What if they think I'm weird?" I don't like being observed by people. It makes me uncomfortable.
Whenever my father observes me doing something he always judges or makes fun of the way I walk. He tells me I walk very stiff. Because of that I'm self-conscious of the way I walk. I always feel like people are judging the way I walk. He gives me a hard time and gets angry with me for looking nervous or uncomfortable when we're out sometimes. This is why I always feel like people can sense that I'm nervous and are going to judge me negatively.
My father always tells me, "You have to always watch your surroundings when you're out. You have to walk with your head up and your chest out. You have to man up and toughen up. You have to appear strong. You can't appear weak or scared, because people will try to harm you if you appear vulnerable." This is why I'm always a little paranoid when I'm out of my house or being watched by people, because I don't want them to think I'm weak and I don't want them to treat me like I'm nothing because of it or try to harm me.
Sorry if this is all over the place, but all in all I hate being watched or observed by people. This stems from a lot of the things my father tells me.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Honestly.....you would benefit from seeking professional help. This sounds to me to be based totally on your childhood/adulthood relationship with your father.....who seems to be overly critical emotionally abusive and you have be conditioned from childhood to react this way because of your father.
Where was your mother during this? obviously no one put your dad's irrational behavior in check...your over sensitization imo was/is caused by your dad. You would benefit greatly by going to a professional counselor so that you can get some coping skills to diffuse this childhood tape that is running in your mind.....it is not your fault. And you can get control of this and get beyond this with help.
The first step is what you are doing, speaking about this....You can do this. Good luck to you....and don't be afraid to be speaking about this on this site. Tell your story 100 times!
OP, I also encourage seeking help again at your college's counseling center, where counseling/therapy is generally provided free of charge (sometimes with session limits). Psychologists and other clinicians adhere to a strict code of ethics that includes confidentiality for clients 18 and older (sometimes 17 and older), so your parents need not have any idea that you are seeking help.
Do you have your own health insurance? If so, then they would also not need to know if you use your insurance to cover a psychiatry consult and charges for medication, if those seem appropriate. Some counseling centers even provide a certain number of free psychiatry visits. Sometimes the clinical staff at the college's student health service can also prescribe and dispense medications for mental health conditions, if psychiatrists are not on staff. Most university counseling centers provide excellent services, so give them another shot. Social anxiety is one of the most common mental health issues therapists and physicians see, with many good treatments available, so good luck and know you're not alone!
You got issues son. Your 20 so they should have dropped by now
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