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I have always wondered this. It seems that from many aspects of society (parenting, criminal justice system, schools) that the solution to a young person/adult who is either doing petty things like stealing, cheating academically, doing hard drugs, being disrespectful/using threatening language is to give them an authority figure that will dish out "tough love" i.e. emphasize manners and respect till they get sick of it or send them to an institution (bootcamp, prison) where they have to live harsh. Even with long time drug dealers and murderers, you see them becoming religious and whatnot. From anecdotals, it seems that many do turn themselves around, even the most hardcore rebels. I've even seen online the most 'liberal' parents/families take that suggestion
When it comes to sexual violence however, that doesn't seem to be the case. No one ever suggests for example "discipline your kid for drugging and assaulting that woman". I know there is a special f*cked up perversion when it comes to sexual crimes but still even in prison, I don't think I've ever heard of someone being given tough love except only revenge by inmates and even that doesn't seem to change rapists and pedophiles.
Why is this? Does it have to do with a mental disturbance in those involved in sexual crimes? I heard one reason for this may be because those who engage in sexual violence are 'lone wolf/self inspired' type criminals and that means that they are unlikely to be deterred or learned by discipline of any kind. Calling some kid a 'coward' for hitting a woman might make him think twice but doing that to a sexually perverted person would have no effect.
Have you never read the comments on news articles about the arrests of pedophiles? Maybe it's just here in the south, but folks around here have a whole list of "tough love" acts they hope sex offenders are subjected to when they are caught.
Maybe because the word "love" seems inappropriate in the context of sexual crimes. Also, some sexual behaviors don't lend themselves well to reform, at least according to a documentary years ago. The perpetrator can't change, so tough love won't work. But mainly, it's the language, I think.
Have you never read the comments on news articles about the arrests of pedophiles? Maybe it's just here in the south, but folks around here have a whole list of "tough love" acts they hope sex offenders are subjected to when they are caught.
Those are violent acts though, when people talk about tough love they usually mean "harsh discipline" that's supposed to benefit them in the long term as opposed having a complete assault on someone like usually happens with pedophiles.
Tough love is for people we think we can salvaged and it's an informal sort of consequence meted out by a parent or school official. Sexual predators often can't be salvaged, and their consequences are typically meted out by the criminal justice system, where love isn't part of the formula.
Those are violent acts though, when people talk about tough love they usually mean "harsh discipline" that's supposed to benefit them in the long term as opposed having a complete assault on someone like usually happens with pedophiles.
That's an easy answer.
As the others have said, "tough love" implies reform. The absence of tough love in the case of sex crimes or pedophilia shows that those crimes are seen as beyond help and often beyond forgiveness.
That's why you get the "throw the book at them" (or worse) kinds of replies.
Have you never read the comments on news articles about the arrests of pedophiles? Maybe it's just here in the south, but folks around here have a whole list of "tough love" acts they hope sex offenders are subjected to when they are caught.
This kind of reminds me...
Many years ago, I was dating a guy from the south. He was telling me one time, about a guy he knew, that had slapped and hit his wife around. My friend, and some of his buddies took the abuser out in the woods and pretty much beat the crap out of him, with the instructions to NEVER treat his wife like that again.
And then my friend says "I wish people did that kind of thing more often."
Now, this guy...he wasn't violent. He never ever gave any kind of indication that I should fear him, or that he was in the habit of beating people up if anyone crossed him. It seemed more like some kind of gentleman's code or something.
Hm. I think part of the issue is that sexual violence is in fact a nuanced subject with a ton of grey area, and a lot of people HATE subjects being nuanced and want things to be black & white.
I'll set aside the incel nutjobs who think that actual rape should be fine. There aren't enough of them to factor in, even though it's disgusting that they exist.
Most people on the normal spectrum of normal morality, believe that rape is bad. But in black and white thinking, it is either rape or no rape. Period. And they have a mental image of what rape is, and if conditions are not met to qualify, then it is NOT. And further, they would rather believe that it's very rare, because their mental image of it is monstrous, so everything from "I don't want to think it could easily happen, to me or my loved ones, so only people who put themselves at risk get raped" just world fallacy is in there, along with distancing themselves from the notion that otherwise ordinary men could be capable of it. Actual rape is like actual serial killing...the stuff of horror, and not part of the world they want to live in and see around them. A thing you hear about on the news maybe.
This thinking leads people to try every possible tactic to deny that a rape happened, in every case they hear about. So first you have to break through the rather convoluted gauntlet of convincing people that "Yes, this was rape." Now if somehow you get through the maze of deniers who are just sure that the victim(s) are lying and there was a misunderstanding and etc etc to some sort of a consensus that, "Yeah...ok...I guess this was rape." (And some will inevitably NEVER be convinced.) Then you get into the privilege issues of money and power that can still get predators off the hook. A poor person of color who is convicted of rape, is going away for a long time. Someone on the opposite end of privilege may not. America is like that, at least. Also, rape is usually really hard to prove, because most rapists don't do it where there will be witnesses, try to make sure they aren't seen, and try not to leave evidence, but even if there is evidence...that only proves sex. It does not establish non-consent. So most of the time, establishing non-consent, requires trusting the word of the victim, and people don't wanna.
Moving on, and setting aside an awful lot of grey areas like drugged victims with hazy testimony, date rape, and a ton of other junk, which muddy the waters on most cases, the ones who are in fact monstrous rapists, rather like your monstrous serial killers, really can't be reformed. They might get a lot of "tough love" of the not really legal kind, from vigilante justice to prison assault, but they are not likely to be reformed unless they receive chemical castration, which I understand has been tried with mixed results. If one is a "pervert" and it's a sex thing, which often rape isn't, it could be effective. The ones on a hateful power trip though...it won't do a thing for them.
Then there is the fact that really, what many Americans understand about consent, is tragically flawed. So an awful lot of "rape" falls more under what I prefer to call "consent violation." Because fortunately, not understanding consent very well, is a form of ignorance, and ignorance is curable. But not if you come out the gate with an attack, such as calling an ignorant person a "rapist." Normal people commit consent violations, fairly often. Hell, I (a woman) have done so, and it was a very long time ago, and it was a matter of ignorance, and now I know better. But see, it's safe for me to admit that. If you are a man and you admit that...well, different story. I can only hope that over time, we evolve a better understanding of the subject in its entirety, but I don't think that will happen so long as people insist on viewing it in a black & white manner.
Hm. I think part of the issue is that sexual violence is in fact a nuanced subject with a ton of grey area, and a lot of people HATE subjects being nuanced and want things to be black & white.
I'll set aside the incel nutjobs who think that actual rape should be fine. There aren't enough of them to factor in, even though it's disgusting that they exist.
Most people on the normal spectrum of normal morality, believe that rape is bad. But in black and white thinking, it is either rape or no rape. Period. And they have a mental image of what rape is, and if conditions are not met to qualify, then it is NOT. And further, they would rather believe that it's very rare, because their mental image of it is monstrous, so everything from "I don't want to think it could easily happen, to me or my loved ones, so only people who put themselves at risk get raped" just world fallacy is in there, along with distancing themselves from the notion that otherwise ordinary men could be capable of it. Actual rape is like actual serial killing...the stuff of horror, and not part of the world they want to live in and see around them. A thing you hear about on the news maybe.
This thinking leads people to try every possible tactic to deny that a rape happened, in every case they hear about. So first you have to break through the rather convoluted gauntlet of convincing people that "Yes, this was rape." Now if somehow you get through the maze of deniers who are just sure that the victim(s) are lying and there was a misunderstanding and etc etc to some sort of a consensus that, "Yeah...ok...I guess this was rape." (And some will inevitably NEVER be convinced.) Then you get into the privilege issues of money and power that can still get predators off the hook. A poor person of color who is convicted of rape, is going away for a long time. Someone on the opposite end of privilege may not. America is like that, at least. Also, rape is usually really hard to prove, because most rapists don't do it where there will be witnesses, try to make sure they aren't seen, and try not to leave evidence, but even if there is evidence...that only proves sex. It does not establish non-consent. So most of the time, establishing non-consent, requires trusting the word of the victim, and people don't wanna.
Moving on, and setting aside an awful lot of grey areas like drugged victims with hazy testimony, date rape, and a ton of other junk, which muddy the waters on most cases, the ones who are in fact monstrous rapists, rather like your monstrous serial killers, really can't be reformed. They might get a lot of "tough love" of the not really legal kind, from vigilante justice to prison assault, but they are not likely to be reformed unless they receive chemical castration, which I understand has been tried with mixed results. If one is a "pervert" and it's a sex thing, which often rape isn't, it could be effective. The ones on a hateful power trip though...it won't do a thing for them.
Then there is the fact that really, what many Americans understand about consent, is tragically flawed. So an awful lot of "rape" falls more under what I prefer to call "consent violation." Because fortunately, not understanding consent very well, is a form of ignorance, and ignorance is curable. But not if you come out the gate with an attack, such as calling an ignorant person a "rapist." Normal people commit consent violations, fairly often. Hell, I (a woman) have done so, and it was a very long time ago, and it was a matter of ignorance, and now I know better. But see, it's safe for me to admit that. If you are a man and you admit that...well, different story. I can only hope that over time, we evolve a better understanding of the subject in its entirety, but I don't think that will happen so long as people insist on viewing it in a black & white manner.
Good post. Sexual crimes are seen as "beyond the pale". The two categories of rape that are generally seen as unforgivable, are assaults on prepubescent children, and what is seen as the stereotypical rape, a guy jumping out of the bushes, or an alley with a weapon, and forcing himself on some stranger. Out side of those examples, people's reactions begin to get murky. Date rape, incidents where drugs and alcohol are involved (especially with young people), and of course the most murky, which in my opinion, is statutory rape, involving two people relatively close in age. Robberies, and assaults are seen as "bad boy" crimes, and most of us know guys who were out of control as teens and young adults, who subsequently became solid citizens, so I think, unless someone was very seriously injured, or killed, there a thought that these guys will grow up, and stop their nonsense. No one feels that way about people they see as perverts.
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