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Going to the same shop and deal with the same clerk, interacting with a coworker, having breakfast in a bar with the same waiter everyday….that type of stuff kills me.
I need to feel that every second is new and different...every situation out from a movie, like if I had a script and knew that I am nailing this scene and there will be a different scene tomorrow and a new movie the next week.
I can´t stand small talk. Can´t stand sitting on a bench with a group of people and talk in a relaxed way about nothing in particular...I need everything to be special.
Deal great with short and quick interactions. I can be witty and sharp and sophisticated...but give me some forced regularity and I feel trapped and panic... feel my mask and my acing will be noticed, and people sooner or later will start talking on my back..."what's wrong with that guy?".
So...I have an extremely lonely life and avoid regular social interactions as much as I can. Thankfuly I live in a big city, its easy to be just a random stranger. Every now and again I obsess about somebody and force myself in the picture...which makes the situation collapse eventually and I flee once again.
I was told by a doctor I seemed to have a bit of autism, but was not diagnosed. Borderline personality is also an option.
Anyways...I was wondering is there's anyone out there in the same shoes with somethng useful to share...
Last edited by elmejor77; 07-04-2018 at 05:17 PM..
Going to the same shop and deal with the same clerk, interacting with a coworker, having breakfast in a bar with the same waiter everyday….that type of stuff kills me.
Go to a different shop or bar.
Quote:
Originally Posted by elmejor77
I can´t stand small talk. Can´t stand sitting on a bench with a group of people and talk in a relaxed way about nothing in particular...I need everything to be special.
But you're setting yourself up for a fail. Life is full of the mundane. You need mundane to for the special to be truly special. Otherwise, it's all mundane.
.I can´t stand small talk. Can´t stand sitting on a bench with a group of people and talk in a relaxed way about nothing in particular...I need everything to be special.
Deal great with short and quick interactions. I can be witty and sharp and sophisticated...but give me some forced regularity and I feel trapped and panic... feel my mask and my acing will be noticed, and people sooner or later will start talking on my back..."what's wrong with that guy?".
So what is it that you fear? People seeing you as boring, unintelligent, not special, strange, awkward? What is going on at the root of the trapped, panicked feeling?
Are you uncomfortable with the bench scenario because that means you are in a situation where people are just being themselves and you can't do this as well? Is it because you are more comfortable with wearing a mask or contrived identity and so the bench situation where people are just being their regular old selves threatens that?
So what is it that you fear? People seeing you as boring, unintelligent, not special, strange, awkward? What is going on at the root of the trapped, panicked feeling?
Are you uncomfortable with the bench scenario because that means you are in a situation where people are just being themselves and you can't do this as well? Is it because you are more comfortable with wearing a mask or contrived identity and so the bench situation where people are just being their regular old selves threatens that?
Yes, it's a fear of ankward silences, or some weird stares, or some negative energy going on that prevents the natural flow of things. I am good at "emotional hit and runs", make a charming comment here, a great joke there, create a nice and powerful impression and leave. The problem is when those interactions become a regular feature...it's like there was a little voice whispering in my head, "sooner or later they will see negative things inside of you…".
I need to feel that every second is new and different...every situation out from a movie, like if I had a script and knew that I am nailing this scene and there will be a different scene tomorrow and a new movie the next week.
I can´t stand small talk. Can´t stand sitting on a bench with a group of people and talk in a relaxed way about nothing in particular...I need everything to be special.
It sounds like you could be mostly operating from a place of ego with people. You may be interacting with others more as a performer needing to perform for them as your audience. In the case of narcissists, and I am not saying you are one, it's called getting narcissistic supply from others. If you need to perceive yourself as very special and need to project this often when with others then some degree of narcissistic personality disorder (which exists on a spectrum) could be a possibility.
It sounds like you could be mostly operating from a place of ego with people. You may be interacting with others more as a performer needing to perform for them as your audience. In the case of narcissists, and I am not saying you are one, it's called getting narcissistic supply from others. If you need to perceive yourself as very special and need to project this often when with others then some degree of narcissistic personality disorder (which exists on a spectrum) could be a possibility.
I guess, a little bit. Thanks for the comment, it's always interesting to hear opinions.
Some people get a lot of comfort from the mundane, the routine, the predictable. It may feel like a resting place in a river. Others don't. They want the thrill, the unexpected, the risky. I don't think they have an actual fear of the mundane however. If they feel fear, it's of something more subtle within themselves.
To me what your situation is about, is fear. You fear being known.
When you get tired of feeling fear about small interactions, seek out a talk therapist and see if there are ways to ease your fears.
This might be social anxiety. Look it up and see what you think.
I have a lesser but similar aversion. I put on a happy, positive front, but ultimately, reveal little about my inner thoughts. I’m not exactly a closed book, but I do have some of the same fears as you. When I trust someone though, I open up more. I get your feelings, but think you could probably learn to deal with them better than you do.
To me what your situation is about, is fear. You fear being known.
When you get tired of feeling fear about small interactions, seek out a talk therapist and see if there are ways to ease your fears.
This might be social anxiety. Look it up and see what you think.
I have a lesser but similar aversion. I put on a happy, positive front, but ultimately, reveal little about my inner thoughts. I’m not exactly a closed book, but I do have some of the same fears as you. When I trust someone though, I open up more. I get your feelings, but think you could probably learn to deal with them better than you do.
Yeah, see a therapist. As sil suggested, this really sounds like social anxiety to me. Which, as someone who has suffered from it, I can tell you is by and large overcome by just getting over yourself and out of your own way.
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