Why does the mind fool us into thinking "things were better back then"? (girlfriend, college)

[Wordsmith12]

Why does the mind trick us into thinking times were better in the past when that may not necessarily be so?

Sometimes I find myself thinking, "Man, why can't things be as good as they were back in 2005?"

2005 has probably been the most consequential year of my life for several reasons:

- Hooked up with my now-wife (someone I sat next to on the first day of 6th grade and reconnected with on MySpace 9 years later). She was my first real girlfriend (before her I had only short flings) and we are going 13 years strong.

- Took my first paid job

- Opened my first bank account

- Lost my virginity

- Transferred to a university from my community college

- Changed major from accounting to marketing, the field I work in today

It was a year of firsts to say the least, and in my view it ushered in the future.

Sometimes this causes me to think that no year will ever match up with 2005. Even the movies and music from back then seem far superior.

But if I were to look at things differently, I could say that in 2005:

- I was broke while today I am financially stable

- I had never been on a plane, traveled outside my state, or seen snow. Now we have the means to take trips a few times a year.

- I didn't own a home while I do today. Back then I had to fight with people over parking spaces and bathrooms when I still lived in my mom's house. Now we have privacy and two bathrooms for ourselves.

- I had no work experience and no clue as to what I wanted to do with my life. For a while I was studying accounting only because my dad pushed me into it.

- My wife and I were both sexually and financially immature/inexperienced.

- I didn't know a global recession was right around the corner -- something that hit me hard for a while but that I managed to bounce back from.

- While I enjoyed college, there were aspects I wasn't crazy about (financial aid problems, shortage of parking spaces, bad professors, overcrowded classrooms)

The only answer I can come up with to my own question is "ignorance is bliss." When you're in college/in your early 20s, you can enjoy the freedoms of adulthood without the accompanying responsibilities. They felt like simpler times. All I had to worry about was passing my classes and thinking about where I'd take my then-girlfriend on Friday night.

For me, these freedoms coincided with a serendipitous relationship that ended my dry spell in the love department once and for all. A movie date night seemed like a big deal then; now it's something we do with our eyes closed.

While we have the means now to travel and buy more toys, such flexibility comes with more responsibility. As 33-year-olds, we have to deal with the 9-5 routine (as opposed to studying all day, which I loved), toxic bosses and coworkers, bills, getting stuck in traffic, planning occasions, doctor's visits, health issues, dwindling relationships with family and friends, etc. The carefree element is long gone.

What's more, there just isn't as much left to experience. We can try to go on as many vacations to new destinations as we like, not to mention new restaurants and so forth, but at our age we feel like we've "been there, done that."

My wife and I are aiming to start a family soon. Maybe I'm ready for something new and life-changing -- another 2005, so to speak.

Why do you think the mind fools us into thinking things were better when we were younger when they were actually worse in some ways? Do you agree the fact we were more carefree and had less responsibility had a lot to do with it?

[Sonic_Spork]

I think you have to look at the human animal as a creature that is specialized in intelligence (as opposed to being fast, strong, tall like a giraffe or having sharp claws and fangs for instance)...the only thing that allows us to thrive and even dominate the planet, is our complex brainpower. It's really all we've got going for us. We're pretty squishy, otherwise.

So we have to constantly be learning from our experiences, as the most successful humans are those who do that the best. (We can argue about how society allows unsuccessful humans to thrive and reproduce, too, in some other thread lol) Reflecting on our past, is a huge way of learning from our experiences. I think that the nostalgia is just a sort of psychological lure do to so. My own thought process for instance might be...

- Man, things sure were good back when I was 18. I was carefree and beautiful. Life was xyz.
- Man, I didn't appreciate how good I had it. I was all stressed about this and that. I was doing that and this.
- If I could only go back knowing what I do now, I'd cherish that time. It sure was good then.
- Maybe I'd do this one thing differently, so that things wouldn't have gone in this other direction...

And so on. What you did right, what you did wrong, what was good and what wasn't. It's encoding instruction into your mind on how to live and have positive results and experiences, and reinforcing that programming to inform your future decision making.

[Spuggy]

I don’t. I think it may have to do with the fact they were young and not burdened with the responsibilities of being a self sufficient adult . They were not aware or exposed to all the horrors or realities other people faced.

[greatblueheron]

Originally Posted by Spuggy

I don’t. I think it may have to do with the fact they were young and not burdened with the responsibilities of being a self sufficient adult . They were not aware or exposed to all the horrors or realities other people faced.

Agree....adulthood is horrors and realities, you are right.

[Spuggy]

Originally Posted by greatblueheron

Agree....adulthood is horrors and realities, you are right.

I would say that some can’t handle some of the realities, especially when there is fearful awareness of the worst of humanity in the news . wearing rose coloured glasses could make them pine for when things seemed much simpler and not have to be overwhelmed or emotionally taxed.
That’s just my humble guess though.

[Left-handed]

The past is distant, therefore, the issues we faced, in hindsight, seem minuscule in scope compared to what stands before us now.

[silibran]

When I was much, much younger I had no patience with older folks talking about the good old days. I felt that the present was undoubtedly better, in almost every way, in spite of the civil unrest we were experiencing then. I hated the war in Vietnam, and felt discouraged after Nixon was elected, but tended to look forward.

As someone who has attained some age, I still tend to look forward, though not with much optimism.

But I do not wish for, or romanticize my “good old days.” I still have no patience for those Boomers who do. Now is really all we have, and change always comes even if we resist it.

So, I don’t look back with longing, except to wish I had been more wise when I was young.

And, I don’t know why others do, unless it is because they have forgotten that life was hard then too.

[tottsieanna]

Originally Posted by Spuggy

I don’t. I think it may have to do with the fact they were young and not burdened with the responsibilities of being a self sufficient adult . They were not aware or exposed to all the horrors or realities other people faced.

Life is at times hard and while we are going through it we don’t appreciate the good things that are happening at the same time, so when we looke back we wish we appreciated what was good. Growing up we would deal all the ups and downs but not appreciate coming home to a meal we didn’t have to cook, home, utilities and groceries we didn’t have to pay and the freedom to hang out with our friends. Same as when my children were little I wish that I didn’t focus on issues I thought were important at the time and spent more time enjoying my children. They say hindsight is more clearer.

I know some will have different experiences.

[kukumjacka]

There are times when I look back and think how I could have done things differently. And of course there are times when I look back fondly at certain periods of my life.

I think it's all consequential. Times you wish to change led up to the times you don't wish to change which led up to times you wish to change.

I am not the ideal of who I thought I was going to be. Nor do I think I will ever become that because life has gone through its thing and me along for the ride.

Ignorance is indeed bliss...

So, if there is anything I'd change... less access to information. We're overloaded and bombarded thus tend to think that all the bad things that are happening must be a recent phenomenon. They aren't. Now we know of all of them instead of 1-2 isolated incidents.

[RcHydro]

No cell phones, no computers, no idiot rap music, TV went off at 1:00 am, gas was 50 cent a gallon. We died at 60 of a massive coronary and we loved it!