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Don't get me wrong. On the surface, I get along well with most people.
My personality is one that is very loyal, genuine, and generous to the important people in my life, and I'm generally very kind and thoughtful to those whom are relative strangers to me. But on an intimate level, I find it difficult to really connect with the vast majority of people. As you get to know people on a more intimate level, there arises too many conflicts in opinions, values, beliefs, goals, interests, etc. I can build a relationship with them at arms length, but anything closer than that would shed too much light on everything that we're not mutually compatible on, and that's a recipe for an imminent falling out.
As I've gotten older, and I view my platonic and romantic relationships from a more serious and earnest lens, I've realized more and more that I simply don't like most people beyond a superficial relationship. And I'm okay with that.
Yeah. Me too.
I don't need or want to be friends with everyone. I have few fairly close friends, but the rest are just acquaintances, and I am fine with that. I guess, you are right - it comes with the age: the older you get, the more selective you are about most everything, and less willing to put up with other people BS. You also care less about what others think about you.
Most people are boring and self absorbed anyway.
Don't get me wrong. On the surface, I get along well with most people.
My personality is one that is very loyal, genuine, and generous to the important people in my life, and I'm generally very kind and thoughtful to those whom are relative strangers to me. But on an intimate level, I find it difficult to really connect with the vast majority of people. As you get to know people on a more intimate level, there arises too many conflicts in opinions, values, beliefs, goals, interests, etc. I can build a relationship with them at arms length, but anything closer than that would shed too much light on everything that we're not mutually compatible on, and that's a recipe for an imminent falling out.
As I've gotten older, and I view my platonic and romantic relationships from a more serious and earnest lens, I've realized more and more that I simply don't like most people beyond a superficial relationship. And I'm okay with that.
Do you feel similarly, or the complete opposite?
I'm the same way and have been for quite awhile.
A lot of decent people out there but very few who actually inspire me to desire to spend time with them.
I'm not the sort of people who needs to have someone around to do things with. I would rather go alone than listen to someone prattle on who I have no real connection with.
People wiil always disappoint you if you know them long emough. But I do like a lot if people. I think you have to forgive them for being flawed. We tend to forgive ourselves, or cut ourselves a lot of slack. I think we want people we know to do the same for us. So, it stands to reason that we should be able to do the same for friends. No one is perfect, after all. And, it would be a boring world if we all had similar personalities and opinions.
However there is no law that says we have to like everyone equally, or at all.
Don't get me wrong. On the surface, I get along well with most people.
My personality is one that is very loyal, genuine, and generous to the important people in my life, and I'm generally very kind and thoughtful to those whom are relative strangers to me. But on an intimate level, I find it difficult to really connect with the vast majority of people. As you get to know people on a more intimate level, there arises too many conflicts in opinions, values, beliefs, goals, interests, etc. I can build a relationship with them at arms length, but anything closer than that would shed too much light on everything that we're not mutually compatible on, and that's a recipe for an imminent falling out.
As I've gotten older, and I view my platonic and romantic relationships from a more serious and earnest lens, I've realized more and more that I simply don't like most people beyond a superficial relationship. And I'm okay with that.
People wiil always disappoint you if you know them long emough. But I do like a lot if people. I think you have to forgive them for being flawed. We tend to forgive ourselves, or cut ourselves a lot of slack. I think we want people we know to do the same for us. So, it stands to reason that we should be able to do the same for friends. No one is perfect, after all. And, it would be a boring world if we all had similar personalities and opinions.
However there is no law that says we have to like everyone equally, or at all.
Agreed with you for the most part. I am very empathetic and forgiving, perhaps to a fault. My sentiments are more of a reflection of how willing I am to become deeply intimate with more people as opposed to being casually pleasant with them and not expecting much more. The reasons being, as I outlined in the OP, is that we'd just never overcome all of our deeply seeded opinions, beliefs, interests, goals, etc. In other words, "I'd have a beer with you once in awhile, when it is convenient, but that's about as far as this is gonna go".
This feeds into the idea that most friendships are shallow, perhaps even a facade, and only a handful of them are true, deep, meaningful relationships. Can't say that I disagree.
Agreed with you for the most part. I am very empathetic and forgiving, perhaps to a fault. My sentiments are more of a reflection of how willing I am to become deeply intimate with more people as opposed to being casually pleasant with them and not expecting much more. The reasons being, as I outlined in the OP, is that we'd just never overcome all of our deeply seeded opinions, beliefs, interests, goals, etc. In other words, "I'd have a beer with you once in awhile, when it is convenient, but that's about as far as this is gonna go".
You don’t have to be intimate with people you do not like or trust. I think this is normal.
Completely the same. I dislike most people if I get to know them and it’s for the same reasons - I don’t have anything in common with them and their values / opinions. I’m also the same in that people think I have a friendly face and always want to talk to me, so I’m very social in large gatherings and friendly, able to converse about just about anything. On the surface I think most people are totally fine, I get along well, and I treat everyone with the respect I want no matter whether they work at McDonalds or are a multimillionaire.
But when it comes down to it the candidates for close friendship are very few and far between. It’s tough making close friends, and tougher still to force it, because I don’t meet that many people since I work from home and have zero interest in meeting anyone new until I move.
I don't "dislike" people in general, but definitely subscribe to the "small tribe" mindset. I find it mentally exhausting having numerous close friendships to manage, at least in this stage of life (40s family/career).
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