Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I guarantee that women who don't want to talk to you, are not saying, "Oh, don't talk to me. You're not attractive."
I object to this on the grounds that a.) You are not a mind reader and b.) The world doesn't revolve around you.
If you try to talk to a person, and they rebuff you, you are ASSUMING that they've judged you. That is pretty much waving aside the fact that this other human has a whole life that you aren't part of and know nothing about. For instance, I said before, what if a pet or relative has just died, what if they are very sick or in pain, what if they just lost a job or they're dealing with some other intensely stressful stuff? What if they simply are not available? What if they are an introvert with really bad social anxiety?
There are 101 reasons a woman might not want to talk to a man (or rather, a person might not want to talk to a stranger.) It is really childish in my opinion to leap to "she just didn't find me attractive." But it does let you get all "who does she think she is" about it, if that's how you need to feel.
I answer with your question. How do you know?
Quote:
Originally Posted by blktoptrvl
Sometimes, I get the feeling that people who complain or act standoffish in these situations DO want the attention, but only from certain people.
For me, this is based on my experience, that is what I "feel" is happening. Am I wrong? Could be, but I don't think so.
Same back at ya.
Last edited by blktoptrvl; 07-30-2018 at 02:44 PM..
How do I know? Because countless experiments have been done showing this very behavior. A little googling and you should be able to turn up experiments, both scientific and non-scientific, which show how a woman can be approached by a man and react in an entirely different manner when a variable closely associated with attractiveness is changed (money, looks, etc).
For a non-scientific study, just go look at the box office receipts for the 50 Shades of Gray movie. Tens of millions of tickets sold... many (perhaps even most?) to millennial aged women... you know... the same demographic that thinks they are being victimized because someone complements their tattoo/hair/handbag/nail polish/clothing/piercing/career choice/etc. The only difference between 50 Shades of Grey and an episode of Criminal Minds is the central male figure is an attractive billionaire instead of an average looking guy in a studio apartment or trailer park.
And don't get it twisted. I'm not saying this is the case 100% of the time a woman rebuffs a man. And I am perfectly fine with women discriminating against men/perspective partners on whatever criteria they deem important to themselves. That is a totally normal narrative in the story of biology and sexual attraction. But you know what else is? "Strange" men starting conversations with women with whom they find attractive.
For me, this is based on my experience, that is what I "feel" is happening. Am I wrong? Could be, but I don't think so.
Same back at ya.
You are assuming what is in a woman's mind (that she would want the attention if only from more "attractive" men) just as much as the woman in the article is assuming that men only ever look at or comment on her tattoos because they want to sexually objectify her body. As opposed to giving anyone the benefit of the doubt.
Like I said, a man could be looking at me because I remind him of someone, or simply (as you pointed out) staring off into space. Why assume that there's something worth getting one's dander up, going on there?
A man talking to me could be simply being nice, friendly. As I am when I try to chat up strangers all over the place. Not everyone has a nefarious agenda.
Just like some men are in fact creeps, I'm sure that some women are very superficial and are unfriendly to men UNLESS they are attracted. I think it is a bit unkind to assume unpleasant motives of everyone though. I find life to be easier if I don't. The whole assumption that a woman found you unattractive, is also kind of beating yourself up over something some random stranger did...which doesn't make a ton of sense to me. I kinda think that mentally saying, "maybe her dog died, I dunno" is nicer to the self than "I'm just not good enough for her, she thinks I'm ugly" (or whatever.)
Obviously you will think and do whatever suits you. I'm just exploring the idea here.
I also have breast implants. Since I got them to feel and look more attractive, does that mean I have to allow strangers to ask me about them or touch them or stare at them?
Touch them? No. Depending on the context, that could be sexual assault.
Stare at them? That depends, but probably yeah... You can tell someone they can't look at you, but they can also laugh at you and continue to stare.
Ask you about them? Yeah, you have to let them ask you about them. You can choose to not answer, or answer with a lie, or roll your eyes, or go off on a feminist rant, but you don't get to decide what questions you get asked.
Last edited by steveklein; 07-30-2018 at 03:19 PM..
How do I know? Because countless experiments have been done showing this very behavior. A little googling and you should be able to turn up experiments, both scientific and non-scientific, which show how a woman can be approached by a man and react in an entirely different manner when a variable closely associated with attractiveness is changed (money, looks, etc).
For a non-scientific study, just go look at the box office receipts for the 50 Shades of Gray movie. Tens of millions of tickets sold... many (perhaps even most?) to millennial aged women... you know... the same demographic that thinks they are being victimized because someone complements their tattoo/hair/handbag/nail polish/clothing/piercing/career choice/etc. The only difference between 50 Shades of Grey and an episode of Criminal Minds is the central male figure is an attractive billionaire instead of an average looking guy in a studio apartment or trailer park.
And don't get it twisted. I'm not saying this is the case 100% of the time a woman rebuffs a man. And I am perfectly fine with women discriminating against men/perspective partners on whatever criteria they deem important to themselves. That is a totally normal narrative in the story of biology and sexual attraction. But you know what else is? "Strange" men starting conversations with women with whom they find attractive.
I do not understand why you would bring that modern-era bodice-ripper garbage into this conversation. (As someone in the actual BDSM community, like many who are, I hold it in utter and total contempt.) 50 Shades of Garbage was written as Twilight fan-fic. Lots of people went to see the last Transformers movie, too. Does that mean something? Oh, and I couldn't wait to see The Shape of Water (big Guillermo Del Toro fan)--does that mean I secretly desire some kind of freaky fish guy? I must say though, as BDSM films go, The Secretary was somewhat better, except for the part where James Spader's character was a total flake and drama queen about the whole thing. He challenged the wrong brat though. Maggie Gyllenhaal was a delight.
And by the by, it is not on ME to research your points, if you make a statement that needs citation, that would be for you to do, friend.
I am speaking only of my life, the people I know as a massively social individual (so, hundreds of perspectives) and even the concept of "attraction" is so massively subjective you really cannot pin it down for everyone. There is no working universal theory on How All This Works no matter how hard you want there to be one. Humans are messy and complex. Thank goodness. Because if we were as predictable and formulaic as guys on this site seem to want, we'd be horrifically boring.
And if those you associate with give you boring and superficial perspectives...well that either speaks to your preferences in company, or maybe you need to find a better social group.
You are assuming what is in a woman's mind (that she would want the attention if only from more "attractive" men) just as much as the woman in the article is assuming that men only ever look at or comment on her tattoos because they want to sexually objectify her body. As opposed to giving anyone the benefit of the doubt.
Like I said, a man could be looking at me because I remind him of someone, or simply (as you pointed out) staring off into space. Why assume that there's something worth getting one's dander up, going on there?
A man talking to me could be simply being nice, friendly. As I am when I try to chat up strangers all over the place. Not everyone has a nefarious agenda.
Just like some men are in fact creeps, I'm sure that some women are very superficial and are unfriendly to men UNLESS they are attracted. I think it is a bit unkind to assume unpleasant motives of everyone though. I find life to be easier if I don't. The whole assumption that a woman found you unattractive, is also kind of beating yourself up over something some random stranger did...which doesn't make a ton of sense to me. I kinda think that mentally saying, "maybe her dog died, I dunno" is nicer to the self than "I'm just not good enough for her, she thinks I'm ugly" (or whatever.)
Obviously you will think and do whatever suits you. I'm just exploring the idea here.
Aren't you in fact assuming what's in a woman's mind? Are you telling me that there are not women who want certain men to notice what they are wearing, but prefer that others don't?
And why are you assuming that anyone has "Their dander up" because they made an observation?
I do not understand why you would bring that modern-era bodice-ripper garbage into this conversation. (As someone in the actual BDSM community, like many who are, I hold it in utter and total contempt.) 50 Shades of Garbage was written as Twilight fan-fic. Lots of people went to see the last Transformers movie, too. Does that mean something? Oh, and I couldn't wait to see The Shape of Water (big Guillermo Del Toro fan)--does that mean I secretly desire some kind of freaky fish guy? I must say though, as BDSM films go, The Secretary was somewhat better, except for the part where James Spader's character was a total flake and drama queen about the whole thing. He challenged the wrong brat though. Maggie Gyllenhaal was a delight.
And by the by, it is not on ME to research your points, if you make a statement that needs citation, that would be for you to do, friend.
I am speaking only of my life, the people I know as a massively social individual (so, hundreds of perspectives) and even the concept of "attraction" is so massively subjective you really cannot pin it down for everyone. There is no working universal theory on How All This Works no matter how hard you want there to be one. Humans are messy and complex. Thank goodness. Because if we were as predictable and formulaic as guys on this site seem to want, we'd be horrifically boring.
And if those you associate with give you boring and superficial perspectives...well that either speaks to your preferences in company, or maybe you need to find a better social group.
I'm going to pretend you were kidding on why I brought up the 50 Shades of Grey example.
And I am perfectly aware that this is non-scientific, anecdeotal evidence. But as I said, plenty of scientific evidence backs this theory up. If you want to use the logical fallacy of "he didn't show me the proof so the proof doesn't exist" then so be it. But it doesn't make you look any less foolish, nor does it alter the results of the studies that have been performed on this topic.
You seem to be big on forcing other people to back up their claims yet you sure don't seem to hold that author to the same level of accountability.
Have I not repeatedly said that the author is being a bit ridiculous? Because I have.
And my point with saying what I did, is if you want to present some bit of human behavior that SOME PEOPLE do as "science" like it's some sort of an absolute thing, then I'm not the one who needs to go research it.
For some people, "looks" and other superficial qualities are everything. For many, that isn't the case. And for most people that I interact with, a friendly conversation doesn't need to be fraught with all of this weird tension of "approach" and "rejection" and one person assuming the guy is creeping on her and the other assuming she thought he was ugly and whatever. Most people I deal with every day are perfectly capable of having a decent bit of conversation with a stranger in a public place.
But ok, so here...if women ONLY act cold toward guys they are not attracted to, then you tell me why I, a woman, can try to initiate a friendly little bit of convo with another woman in a random public place and sometimes she's cold to me and doesn't want to talk? Because that happens sometimes, too. Did she somehow mistake me for an ugly man? You go ahead and judge for yourself, I've got public pics, if you need to. I'm betting she's not. I'm betting she has some reason I'm not privy to that she doesn't feel like talking to a stranger. And I respect it and let it go.
Hell, I have tried to, in a friendly and nice way, compliment men on their tattoos before, and had them give me that "why is this strange person talking to me" vibe. Sometimes people just don't feel like interacting with a stranger.
As for your videos...man, play superficial games with superficial people, win superficial prizes.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
