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It seems that these kinds of discussions are always in reference to what WOMEN are doing or how WOMEN are looking. What they are wearing (or not wearing), their body size or type (bellies whether pregnant or otherwise), their tattoos, makeup, ad nauseum.
We don't spend nearly the time or energy being concerned about how men present themselves. So whether it is men caring more about how women present themselves than how other men look (men just won't admit to even recognizing the mere presence of other men, much less appearance!). Or is it that women really don't care that much about what men do or how they look but do care about women in the stereotypically catty female thing way women that at seem some women have?
I'm just saying - why is it soooo important what women do and how they appear and how they then react to other people's opinions?
Because you don't see men blogging about how horrible society is because some bartender called them sweetie, or because a young woman gives a sultry look at a chiseled man running in the local park shirtless.
Duh?
(And yes, these events and others very similar to them happen to men as well. As often as to women, almost certainly not... as that is the nature of how males/females have mostly evolved in the animal kingdom. But it does happen)
Why don't you go search up one of the threads where a good looking female teacher has a sexual relationship with an underage student and see how some of the responses compare with the reverse situation.
I love to look at other women, but I have never considered them competition. Maybe that's my bisexual (pansexual?) and poly-capable thing going on. If my boyfriend likes another woman I'll be like, "cool invite her over, maybe I'd like her, too." Interesting people is interesting people. Boring conformists is boring conformists. I find people to be eye catching or invisible, not much in between.
And if a male person is a walking fashion disaster, or dressed really sharp, I notice that just as much as I notice what women look like. And when this convo started, I actually remembered instances where I tried to strike up conversation with tattooed men (my idea of "hot" in certain times of my life) and got a serious cold shoulder, a very "cooler than thou" vibe.
Anyways it's really easy for me to frame this entire conversation as a "people interacting with people" thing, which I think that the article's author is failing to do in how she's interacting with the world. I find it kind of sad. I get the feeling that she is feeling harassed even in cases where people are just trying to be nice.
LOL, I look at EVERYONE! A lot. Male or female.
People are just fascinating, including the way they dress or express themselves through clothing, jewelry, tattoos etc. But I learned not to comment....I used to be positive in comments about something someone wore etc. but now just look and nod to myself.
People are just fascinating, including the way they dress or express themselves through clothing, jewelry, tattoos etc. But I learned not to comment....I used to be positive in comments about something someone wore etc. but now just look and nod to myself.
Me too! I just *love* people watching! Men, women, couples, young people, old people... Especially in malls almost everybody is having fun, spending money, getting new stuff, that tends to make people happy! One of my recent, best dating ideas is to meet at the mall for a first date, go shopping together, sit down and rest and talk a few times, maybe buy some stuff. Then meet at a restaurant for dinner after. That's better than meeting first time over dinner because you have already interacted with each other and seen the other interact with other people.
I tell dates that I would love to go shopping with them and there is a tendency for them to not believe the truth about me. I love watching my date interact, I love watching all the happy, diverse people!
Because you don't see men blogging about how horrible society is because some bartender called them sweetie, or because a young woman gives a sultry look at a chiseled man running in the local park shirtless.
Duh?
(And yes, these events and others very similar to them happen to men as well. As often as to women, almost certainly not... as that is the nature of how males/females have mostly evolved in the animal kingdom. But it does happen)
Why don't you go search up one of the threads where a good looking female teacher has a sexual relationship with an underage student and see how some of the responses compare with the reverse situation.
whether it's male or female the point and context is the same, looking and complimenting is one thing, but nobody has the right to go further and touch, or impose negatively, or get nasty about how you look or what your wear.
Me too! I just *love* people watching! Men, women, couples, young people, old people... Especially in malls almost everybody is having fun, spending money, getting new stuff, that tends to make people happy! One of my recent, best dating ideas is to meet at the mall for a first date, go shopping together, sit down and rest and talk a few times, maybe buy some stuff. Then meet at a restaurant for dinner after. That's better than meeting first time over dinner because you have already interacted with each other and seen the other interact with other people.
I tell dates that I would love to go shopping with them and there is a tendency for them to not believe the truth about me. I love watching my date interact, I love watching all the happy, diverse people!
Nothing wrong with people watching, it's when some random stranger walks up to you and decides they have a right to touch your baby bump or start trying to inspect and touch your tats, or thinks its okay to touch your hair because the braids are so cool. It's when someone thinks how you look invites their nasty opinions or judgements, or that you are inviting to be assaulted and groped just because of what you wear (and this applies to all genders and ages).
Nothing wrong with people watching, it's when some random stranger walks up to you and decides they have a right to touch your baby bump or start trying to inspect and touch your tats, or thinks its okay to touch your hair because the braids are so cool. It's when someone thinks how you look invites their nasty opinions or judgements, or that you are inviting to be assaulted and groped just because of what you wear (and this applies to all genders and ages).
The only time I recall touching strangers in public was shaking hands. In fact one lady whose tattoo I recently admired, we ended up exchanging names and shaking hands at the end of our discussion. It's a retail setting (very casual store) and I'm sure we'll meet again. But as I said she's too young for me to date, there's no expectation except friendly chat.
And no, I didn't touch or ask to touch her tattoo. That would be getting too personal.
I can't help what other people do. I'm responsible for only my own conduct. And if I don't like somebody's tattoo I keep it to myself thank you very much. I don't like gang banger tats, so obviously not discussing them is a survival tactic.
The stuff about touching a woman's pregnant belly, that's plain disgusting. In fact I recall some friend or relative who was pregnant, I was asked to touch it. I thought that was kind of yucky, but I went along with it out of friendship. I hope that doesn't happen often.
Actually, the author writes: "But honestly, when it comes to men I don’t know, I’d prefer not to have my physical appearance remarked upon at all. That doesn’t seem like too much to ask for my daily commute."
She obviously is not familiar with the 1st amendment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy
but nobody has the right to go further and touch, or impose negatively, or get nasty about how you look or what your wear.
Who is advocating it is okay to touch complete strangers without permission? This sounds a lot like the line I hear a lot about "She was wearing a [short skirt/low cut top/bra was showing/etc] so she was asking for it" that feminists seem to pedal when talking about victim blaming. Is anybody actually saying this? I don't know anyone who thinks that if a woman is wearing a short skirt, it means it is okay to rape her.
As for "getting nasty about how you look or what you wear", I disagree. If someone wants to tell a stranger that their tattoos look trashy, then they certainly can do so. They probably won't endear themselves to too many people by making a habit out of this, but it is an individual's prerogative.
So to the author of the article... I would say... if you want to get tattoos, then go for it. But if you want to prevent other people from discussing your tattoos (or your hair, or your piercings, or your clothes, or anything else) then go pound sand. We have rights too. And your feelings don't supersede the first amendment rights of other people.
As for "getting nasty about how you look or what you wear", I disagree. If someone wants to tell a stranger that their tattoos look trashy, then they certainly can do so. They probably won't endear themselves to too many people by making a habit out of this, but it is an individual's prerogative.
Anybody who makes such comments is surely boorish and probably low class too. There is such a thing as decorum, even if people have forgotten that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by steveklein
So to the author of the article... I would say... if you want to get tattoos, then go for it. But if you want to prevent other people from discussing your tattoos (or your hair, or your piercings, or your clothes, or anything else) then go pound sand. We have rights too. And your feelings don't supersede the first amendment rights of other people.
Ouch! I think that's a bit harsh, pounding sand. I'm thinking, maybe pounding tortillas or lamb chops?
People are just fascinating, including the way they dress or express themselves through clothing, jewelry, tattoos etc. But I learned not to comment....I used to be positive in comments about something someone wore etc. but now just look and nod to myself.
Everyone looks at everyone, it’s human nature. But as we know, some people look at certain folks more than others The more someone doesn’t conform to a certain traditional standard (tattoos, morbidly obese, homosexual couple, interracial couple, young man and older woman couple, crazy hairdo, crazy outfit, short man and tall woman couple, etc), the more they may be looked or stared at.
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I think that's a bit harsh, pounding sand. I'm thinking, maybe pounding tortillas or lamb chops? 
The more someone doesn’t conform to a certain traditional standard (tattoos, morbidly obese, homosexual couple, interracial couple, young man and older woman couple, crazy hairdo, crazy outfit, short man and tall woman couple, etc), the more they may be looked or stared at.
