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Here is a woman who covers herself in tattoos, and then complains that people want to look at them and talk to her about them.
Isn't this mentally counter productive? She may have a point about men using it as an "opening to try to pickup," but isn't this like putting up a billboard and then suing the public for looking at it? Men are going to use whatever opening they can find if they are attracted to a woman. Isn't that just part of being human and separate from the tattoo issue?
She's not obligated to talk with anyone about them. If some of the tats are very personal she likely would not want to share info. Seems people have different reasons for having them. And it varies in who might be willing to talk about them.
She does need to expect that people will look at the tats, but still, no obligation to enter into a conversation unless both parties are interested.
I know from experience...once asked a guy at a festival about his tats (not interested in him, just unusual tatoos)....
if looks could kill, I'd be dead.
Last edited by greatblueheron; 07-30-2018 at 10:38 AM..
Some people have a nasty attitude towards other people. They don't want to be talked to, and if you try, they act like you have done something horrible to them. Those people...well, if you want to live in that mindset, that is your prerogative I figure. Another thing, too, is I know women who assume (vocally and annoyingly) that every guy who says something casually friendly to them or tries to chat a bit, is some kind of a creeper-stalker out to get them or something. Like men can't just be friendly and bored and want to talk? And even if they do have somewhere in mind that it would be super neat if you ended up dating them or something, that doesn't mean that you can't be nice and chat but say "no thanks" to the rest.
Too many people in the world seem to forget how to just be nice.
Or that it isn't about what you "owe" other people it's more about what kind of a person you are choosing to BE.
That said, there are ways and ways to look at a tattooed person, and some can be rude. People should not be rude to someone just because they've got tattoos. The most common rude thing is when strangers touch a tattooed person or their clothing, to inspect the art. Look with your eyes, not with your hands. If a sleeve is hiding part of the design, you could politely say, "Wow,excuse me, that tattoo looks really cool, may I see the top part please?" and the person will likely move the sleeve themselves. You do NOT reach out and touch them.
And what I found to be an interesting parallel, is how when I was pregnant, strangers seemed to believe that suddenly my body was there for them to put hands on. Do not walk up to a woman you don't know, in line at the store or something, and put your damn hands on her belly. It's INTRUSIVE and uncomfortable and weird.
So--looking, compliments, and polite conversation? Fine. Anyone who acts like it's not fine, is being dramatic and oversensitive IMO. Touching, is not cool. Don't go there.
Here is a woman who covers herself in tattoos, and then complains that people want to look at them and talk to her about them.
Isn't this mentally counter productive? She may have a point about men using it as an "opening to try to pickup," but isn't this like putting up a billboard and then suing the public for looking at it? Men are going to use whatever opening they can find if they are attracted to a woman. Isn't that just part of being human and separate from the tattoo issue?
So glad the article had a picture!
Tats are attention getters, you installed the billboards so naturally people will be drawn to them!
If you don't want to talk about them, cover them up with long pants/shirts.....issue over.
I have talked to people with tattoos specifically because of what they had. Great ink can be seen as great art. Some people just litter their body with bad art (sticker tats, random theme/location) and I never waste my time talking with them.......I really expect to hear, "well I was drunk and I got tweety bird on my neck"
Here is a woman who covers herself in tattoos, and then complains that people want to look at them and talk to her about them.
Isn't this mentally counter productive? She may have a point about men using it as an "opening to try to pickup," but isn't this like putting up a billboard and then suing the public for looking at it? Men are going to use whatever opening they can find if they are attracted to a woman. Isn't that just part of being human and separate from the tattoo issue?
She said they try to touch them, too. I wouldn't want strange men to come up and start touching my arm.
I have a belly button ring, but it isn't an open invitation for men to come over and stroke it and ask me questions about it. She said she has no problems with people she knows or is getting to know doing this, just not total strangers on the street.
I also have breast implants. Since I got them to feel and look more attractive, does that mean I have to allow strangers to ask me about them or touch them or stare at them?
Sometimes I see men with gorgeous hair, that I would love to touch. But I don't.
Also she said some are intimate, not so much the tattoo, but the story behind it (all hers have meaning). If a tattoo is a symbol of something, say having survived a rough patch, or in memoriam for someone, she doesn't want to share that intimacy with strangers.
I don't think the billboard analogy is the right one, because billboards are meant to be looked at, and this woman does not mind people looking at hers, either. She just wishes it stopped there.
I can never get over the "pat the belly" actions of people that pregnant women don't know...
When my wife was pregnant with our twins, she looked unusual. She carried them entirely in the front, from the back you could not tells she was pregnant. She was tiny (5'3" and about 110) when she got pregnant and did not gain a lot of weight other than the belly/babies. Her belly stuck out so far at the end, she could not drive, because she could not reach the pedals or steering wheel with the seat back far enough to accommodate the babies.
People were absolutely horrible to her. More than once a group of ladies, surrounded her discussing her with each other and touching her belly without even including her in the conversation. She got a lot of nasty comments and some just weird. One day when we were standing in line at Home Depot, a gal told her boyfriend loudly "Don't worry honey, no matter what happens, I will never allow myself to get that big." To which I promptly and equally loudly responded "Don't worry honey, I know no matter how big these twins get, you will never be that ugly!" ( I meant ugly on the inside, but the gal was not particularly pretty, especially compared to my wife). One guy saw us out on a walk when driving by and screeched to a halt. In a panic, he said he had just gotten his girlfriend pregnant and wanted to know if she was going to get that big. It was innocent on his part, but left my wife in tears after he left. It went on and on. Some culture believed that touching the belly of a woman pregnant with twins was good luck. At Costco she had to stay in the car. If she went in, they lined up to touch her belly, often without asking. They were desperate to touch her once they realized she was carrying twins (and it was pretty impossible not to realize this). Her last month or so (6 weeks maybe), the Dr. put her on bed rest and told her to avoid going out and stay in bed as much as possible so they woudl grow faster in case they were born early. She was much relived to have a reason and motivation to not go out into public.
After she got close to the due date, the Dr. took her off bed rest. She looked really extreme the last week or two. Oddly some people came up and asked if she was having twins, or multiples. "No genius, she is having a 25 pound toddler, it is a new experiment in pregnancy." (Thought it never said it). Many people asked, justifiably if she was having quads or quints. They were pretty large (7 and 7/12 - add the placenta and that is a lot of added material for a tiny woman).
Not everyone was awful. Many people were very compassionate and respectful. However the awful ones tend to stand out. One thing she learned a lot form was being a a wheelchair for a day at the San Diego zoo. She said in a wheelchair, everyone either acts like you are not there at all, or they stare incessantly. We learned to try to treat people in wheelchairs with more compassion. Don't ignore them, and do not stare.
Some people have a nasty attitude towards other people. They don't want to be talked to, and if you try, they act like you have done something horrible to them. Those people...well, if you want to live in that mindset, that is your prerogative I figure. Another thing, too, is I know women who assume (vocally and annoyingly) that every guy who says something casually friendly to them or tries to chat a bit, is some kind of a creeper-stalker out to get them or something. Like men can't just be friendly and bored and want to talk? And even if they do have somewhere in mind that it would be super neat if you ended up dating them or something, that doesn't mean that you can't be nice and chat but say "no thanks" to the rest.
Too many people in the world seem to forget how to just be nice.
Or that it isn't about what you "owe" other people it's more about what kind of a person you are choosing to BE.
That said, there are ways and ways to look at a tattooed person, and some can be rude. People should not be rude to someone just because they've got tattoos. The most common rude thing is when strangers touch a tattooed person or their clothing, to inspect the art. Look with your eyes, not with your hands. If a sleeve is hiding part of the design, you could politely say, "Wow,excuse me, that tattoo looks really cool, may I see the top part please?" and the person will likely move the sleeve themselves. You do NOT reach out and touch them.
And what I found to be an interesting parallel, is how when I was pregnant, strangers seemed to believe that suddenly my body was there for them to put hands on. Do not walk up to a woman you don't know, in line at the store or something, and put your damn hands on her belly. It's INTRUSIVE and uncomfortable and weird.
So--looking, compliments, and polite conversation? Fine. Anyone who acts like it's not fine, is being dramatic and oversensitive IMO. Touching, is not cool. Don't go there.
I was thinking about that as well. Strangers just plain don't have the right to put their hands on other people without permission.
But regarding the looking...I find it a little exasperating, that she complains about the lookers. I mean, come on...you're wearing your art on your body, of COURSE people are going to look. I can understand that maybe you (you being the lady telling her experience) did not realize at the time, that this would be as constant as it seems to be...but that seems to be more a lack of YOUR understanding, whether than an issue that's everyone else's fault.
You don't want people to look? Then maybe don't put big, beautiful, colorful and bright tattoos up and down your arms.
Regarding guys using it for 'come on' reasons...again...seems to be a lack of YOUR understanding that guys will use ANYTHING as an opening line. Of course they will use your tattoos as a reason to strike up a conversation. And if it makes you uncomfortable to have guys looking at your body, maybe you shouldn't have put colorful pictures on your body for them to look at?
I like to think I'm evolving as a feminist...but I can't get behind this woman's outrage.
She said they try to touch them, too. I wouldn't want strange men to come up and start touching my arm.
I have a belly button ring, but it isn't an open invitation for men to come over and stroke it and ask me questions about it. She said she has no problems with people she knows or is getting to know doing this, just not total strangers on the street.
I also have breast implants. Since I got them to feel and look more attractive, does that mean I have to allow strangers to ask me about them or touch them or stare at them?
Sometimes I see men with gorgeous hair, that I would love to touch. But I don't.
Also she said some are intimate, not so much the tattoo, but the story behind it (all hers have meaning). If a tattoo is a symbol of something, say having survived a rough patch, or in memoriam for someone, she doesn't want to share that intimacy with strangers.
I don't think the billboard analogy is the right one, because billboards are meant to be looked at, and this woman does not mind people looking at hers, either. She just wishes it stopped there.
That's a very good point, asking personal questions of strangers should be avoided.
That's just the thing though, there is nice polite behavior, and there is rude behavior. It should not be wildly difficult to figure out which one you're doing. If you are looking to excuse your actions by saying "Well, the other person is wearing/showing/looking like XYZ, so they should expect..." NO. Stop right there.
You can compliment someone on purple hair, piercings, tattoos, clothing...ok probably NOT breast implants lol...but most things, in ways that are just nice and not obnoxious.
No one needs to be angry at someone for standing out. That whole "they just want attention" thing, I don't get it. So what? "I'm going to be rude to you for not blending in, because you just want attention! Don't complain when you get it!" Um, that just sounds to me like, "I take pleasure in being rude and making others uncomfortable and I feel you have given me an excuse by looking odd. TAKE IT! HA!" It's like being a real life troll. Not a good look folks.
But of course, I have that one lady friend who will say things like, "There was this guy today at the store, he was looking at me and I was like, uh...no." No what? What are you assuming about what he was thinking? Maybe you look just like his sister or remind him of someone. You don't know. Her persistent narrative that people (usually men) are all after her or something...it's weird.
That's a very good point, asking personal questions of strangers should be avoided.
That's just the thing though, there is nice polite behavior, and there is rude behavior. It should not be wildly difficult to figure out which one you're doing. If you are looking to excuse your actions by saying "Well, the other person is wearing/showing/looking like XYZ, so they should expect..." NO. Stop right there.
You can compliment someone on purple hair, piercings, tattoos, clothing...ok probably NOT breast implants lol...but most things, in ways that are just nice and not obnoxious.
No one needs to be angry at someone for standing out. That whole "they just want attention" thing, I don't get it. So what? "I'm going to be rude to you for not blending in, because you just want attention! Don't complain when you get it!" Um, that just sounds to me like, "I take pleasure in being rude and making others uncomfortable and I feel you have given me an excuse by looking odd. TAKE IT! HA!" It's like being a real life troll. Not a good look folks.
But of course, I have that one lady friend who will say things like, "There was this guy today at the store, he was looking at me and I was like, uh...no." No what? What are you assuming about what he was thinking? Maybe you look just like his sister or remind him of someone. You don't know. Her persistent narrative that people (usually men) are all after her or something...it's weird.
Or - maybe he was thinking hard about how he is going to get his transmission into the attic and you just happen to be located where his eyes landed when he stopped being aware of his surroundings - not looking at you at all. In fact, he may have been looking at that particular spot before you walked into his view.
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