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A group? Going to a group is not going to a therapist. A group was helpful to me at one point in my life. It sounds like you have a good handle on things, and you can explain your experiences in a way that others can process. I'm sort of in a similar pickle, although I do think therapy works and I do believe in therapists. I'm not able to discuss my life experience with a therapist either for legal reasons (not allowed to reveal, literally, for legal reasons, the role other people played in my life, including people very close to me, and no, it's not what you think) or because I immediately get gaslighted by the therapist and steered to something which is not the issue (which is sort of a subset of the first problem, and closely related). Therapists are just people. They are limited in their ability to process information by their life experience, which may not be broad, the politics of the society around them, and their agendas. If you get a good one, you're good. But a group is a great substitute, although there can be issues there too. Best.
Last edited by unwillingphoenician; 08-22-2018 at 08:08 AM..
Another element to look at is diet; sometimes it's that. If you stop SAD ( "Standard American Diet") with the emphasis on salt, sugar and fat (the three big enemies), and don't get vitamins and exercise, that could cause issues. Diet can make a big difference.
Yes. My diet is "clean" (organic), but not "good." It can use a lot of improvement.
"EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences. Repeated studies show that by using EMDR therapy people can experience the benefits of psychotherapy that once took years to make a difference. It is widely assumed that severe emotional pain requires a long time to heal. EMDR therapy shows that the mind can in fact heal from psychological trauma much as the body recovers from physical trauma. "
It is psychotherapy, and I realize the OP doesn't want that.
But it is a form that deals with exactly what the OP describes and has been shown to be rather successful and in a relatively short amount of time.
I first heard about it being successful with those struggle with battle-related PTSD. It works when nothing else appears to.
I had an appointment with an EMDR therapist, actually - I had seen one in the past who wasn't good, but this person had good reviews so I made an appointment. I cancelled it, though, cuz when I asked her some questions about the EMDR technique via email, she said she would have to address those in a session, and I didn't want to eat up a session with a basic question about the modality (the question came from some research I had reviewed - this therapist wanted you to make a list of every trauma in your life from day one - which I did) and she wanted to do EMDR on each issue to the current time. Since my problem stems from more current times, and she had said that it could take multiple sessions to erase one issue, I became concerned about the time commitment and the cost - she was very expensive. She said she had to do it in that linear way and wanted a commitment to come for "x" months.
I also do EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), which is free and similar to EMDR. I would like to try the EMDR on this issue though.
I had the garden variety abuses as a child, which I have processed. I have forgiven the parent and don't feel like the abuse affects me at this point.
I have studied psychology. I have taken many, many classes (have advanced degree). I have done many workshops, intensives, etc.
I have gone to therapy for years and years and have tried many alternative healing forms.
I am still alive - AND - my moods are, if not always positive, usually even.
I am mostly introverted, though can be extraverted at times. Myers-Briggs = INTJ.
I cry when I'm sad.
Here are the problems:
1) I don't like most people (don't hate them - just don't find most people to my taste).
2) I let go of a lot of friends (made friends easily, mostly through jobs) and don't have any close friendships at the moment.
3) I have a relative in my life whom I have been very involved with and worried about for years and years. This has taken a toll on my health, and I am now "recovering" (i.e., mostly resting, but also getting various treatments). I continue to WORRY about this person - they turn to me when in trouble, and I have a hard time turning the person away because they come to me in bad shape and need assistance.
4) I feel I have developed a strong defense of my true feelings - I feel I have deep, deep grief caused by the person above and the ongoing situation - I don't feel it can ever be healed, because I don't know if/when the problem will end. I feel I have defended against this problem and so my affect is kind of flat, but if poked, I can cry from the depths of my soul - so there is something very unhealed in me (again, this is from the last several years, not my childhood - but it COULD be triggering some issues that were caused in childhood).
5) I don't believe in talk therapy - I think it intensifies the problem. I am a student of Law of Attraction, and I firmly believe that you get what you focus on and I have in the past focused on problems and saw the result of that, and now I focus on good - and I see that at least I am functional!
6) I don't believe in traditional psychotherapy or psychiatry and am against taking toxic chemicals. I pursue alternative treatments (mostly various forms of body work, but also aromatherapy, etc.)
Do you have any insights that don't involve "going to a therapist" or pumping myself full of drugs? The problem is that there is deep pain within me caused by this person I care deeply about and their problems in life and the fact they come to me - I can't change what this person might do or might not do - I can't control them, so therefore, I feel like a victim that can't heal and can get injured again and again. A solution will not be to not have this person in my life. I love this person and they are important to me.
I am INTJ also! There aren't very many of us, so maybe we have trouble feeling understood.
I agree about talk therapy -- if a therapist is non-directive (and many are), they can let you focus on the negative stuff, which can just make it worse.
And of course I agree you can't see a psychiatrist because all they have is toxic drugs.
I was going to say body work, but others already said it and you already are.
I think the information we would need is missing, so we can only guess. Is the relative a brother or sister? Do they have mental illness? Are you afraid they will try suicide if you aren't always there for them? Do you spend a lot of time, and maybe money, on them?
Having too much responsibility for another person can drain your energy. I felt that way when my mother was mentally disabled for 10 years before she died. There was seldom a moment when I had any peace of mind. I always felt guilty and worried.
I know you said you don't like most people and don't want friends. I feel that way sometimes also -- maybe related to being INTJ. However, not having friends can cause the numbness or emptiness you describe.
Even being around people you don't have much in common with, for a limited amount of time, can improve your emotional state.
My advice would be to get a hobby if you don't already have one, and associate with others who have the same hobby. Don't spend all your time either alone or with the problematic relative.
Also, keep in mind that your relative has his/her own higher power. You can be there for them, but you can't fix them.
Sometimes people fail to recover from their mental illness, addiction, whatever, because someone is taking care of them. They don't want to lose the caretaking and the attention, so they stay sick.
A group? Going to a group is not going to a therapist. A group was helpful to me at one point in my life. It sounds like you have a good handle on things, and you can explain your experiences in a way that others can process. I'm sort of in a similar pickle, although I do think therapy works and I do believe in therapists. I'm not able to discuss my life experience with a therapist either for legal reasons (not allowed to reveal, literally, for legal reasons, the role other people played in my life, including people very close to me, and no, it's not what you think) or because I immediately get gaslighted by the therapist and steered to something which is not the issue (which is sort of a subset of the first problem, and closely related). Therapists are just people. They are limited in their ability to process information by their life experience, which may not be broad, the politics of the society around them, and their agendas. If you get a good one, you're good. But a group is a great substitute, although there can be issues there too. Best.
Yes. I have recently tried two different groups - neither worked for me (for different reasons).
I am curious what legal situation could prevent you from talking to a therapist (I know you're not going to reveal it, but I had never heard of such a thing). That must be very challenging.
Yes. My diet is "clean" (organic), but not "good." It can use a lot of improvement.
What works for me might not work for you, of course, but I've been depressed lately which for me is unusual. I won't go into the reasons, but it's situational (empty nest) and I've done two things that seem to be helping: (1) CBD oil; and (2) Intermittent Fasting (IF). Also, a change in exercise routine.
I always feel if I'm unhappy I need to change my behaviour, if nothing else to distract myself.
What works for me might not work for you, of course, but I've been depressed lately which for me is unusual. I won't go into the reasons, but it's situational (empty nest) and I've done two things that seem to be helping: (1) CBD oil; and (2) Intermittent Fasting (IF). Also, a change in exercise routine.
I always feel if I'm unhappy I need to change my behaviour, if nothing else to distract myself.
I do IF, but less than 20 hours. How often or how much do you fast? I think it's great. Exercise also.
I am INTJ also! There aren't very many of us, so maybe we have trouble feeling understood.
I agree about talk therapy -- if a therapist is non-directive (and many are), they can let you focus on the negative stuff, which can just make it worse.
And of course I agree you can't see a psychiatrist because all they have is toxic drugs.
I was going to say body work, but others already said it and you already are.
I think the information we would need is missing, so we can only guess. Is the relative a brother or sister? Do they have mental illness? Are you afraid they will try suicide if you aren't always there for them? Do you spend a lot of time, and maybe money, on them?
Having too much responsibility for another person can drain your energy. I felt that way when my mother was mentally disabled for 10 years before she died. There was seldom a moment when I had any peace of mind. I always felt guilty and worried.
I know you said you don't like most people and don't want friends. I feel that way sometimes also -- maybe related to being INTJ. However, not having friends can cause the numbness or emptiness you describe.
Even being around people you don't have much in common with, for a limited amount of time, can improve your emotional state.
My advice would be to get a hobby if you don't already have one, and associate with others who have the same hobby. Don't spend all your time either alone or with the problematic relative.
Also, keep in mind that your relative has his/her own higher power. You can be there for them, but you can't fix them.
Sometimes people fail to recover from their mental illness, addiction, whatever, because someone is taking care of them. They don't want to lose the caretaking and the attention, so they stay sick.
Just guessing.
Thank you. I don't want to get into personal details, but your insights are helpful and I thank you for them.
One correction: I DO want friends with whom I resonate - I just don't have a way to easily find them. In prior years, I made friends through work. I am no longer in the working environment.
I do not like to hang out with "regular" people at social events - I was just at an occasion and it was hard - I hate chit-chat and superficial glad-handing and that is all this was, with bad food thrown in. It was uncomfortable, but I dealt with it for several hours. I was exhausted afterwards. The problem is that I am an INTJ and also an empath, so I take in everyone's energy (if not careful), and I think I must appear awkward because I am scanning people and reading them and thinking about things I would like to know about them but would never ask. It's very intense being around a lot of people in social situations!
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