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Not entirely sure how accurate this is, but I remember reading somewhere that there are primarily two sorts of mental illnesses, neurotic and personally disorder. The personality disordered feel that everything is other peoples' fault while the neurotic feels that everything is their fault.
That's very Freudian, and was a popular belief up until around the 1970s.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraZetterberg153
I did not know that fear of abandonment was an important element in BPD
Fear of abandonment is the hallmark of Borderline Personality Disorder. Personality disorders are formed in very early childhood, as a result of trauma. With those with BPD, it is usually a result of emotional abandonment.
I too want to recommend DBT therapy, sheesh, makes me ill there are still people out there who don't even bother to research or understand effective mental health treatment. Yeah, me too Great Blue Heron, I too was diagnosed with that personality disorder and the more of us who stand up and are not afraid to publicize our own successful battles with mental illness will do more to change the outcomes for people resistant to get help until they reach age 60 and are about to lose family, friends and even their lives. WAKE UP AMERICA. Mental illness is not a life sentence. It is not shameful. It is not OUR FAULT. IT IS A DISEASE, LIKE ANY OTHER THAT IS TREATABLE.
One more thought. Those diagnosed with BPD are often a lot of fun in the beginning. Emotionally engaging. Full of energy. ...
But over the years, they just wear people out.
There's a different dynamic going on with those diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but they tend to wear out folks as well.
The odds of changing such lifelong patterns at 60 are fairly low.
I agree with you.
I can be quite charming but then I'll revert back to reclusiveness and/or sarcasm....however, I've been able to moderate some responses over the years.
That's very Freudian, and was a popular belief up until around the 1970s.
Fear of abandonment is the hallmark of Borderline Personality Disorder. Personality disorders are formed in very early childhood, as a result of trauma. With those with BPD, it is usually a result of emotional abandonment.
My mother was never able to establish a bond with me, nor my father. It's very hard to change the behavior that comes from feelings of abandonment. I had a difficult time with divorce after 23 years, as you can imagine...took me years and still occasionally those feelings can crop up.
I too want to recommend DBT therapy, sheesh, makes me ill there are still people out there who don't even bother to research or understand effective mental health treatment. Yeah, me too Great Blue Heron, I too was diagnosed with that personality disorder and the more of us who stand up and are not afraid to publicize our own successful battles with mental illness will do more to change the outcomes for people resistant to get help until they reach age 60 and are about to lose family, friends and even their lives. WAKE UP AMERICA. Mental illness is not a life sentence. It is not shameful. It is not OUR FAULT. IT IS A DISEASE, LIKE ANY OTHER THAT IS TREATABLE.
Thank you. I never miss an opportunity to share my diagnoses and issues surrounding them. They must be out in the open for the general population to even begin to have a clear understanding.
"It's not your fault" was likely one of the most helpful comments to me from my psychologist, though simplistic. All of the growing up years it WAS my fault according to my mother...when instead it was hers, the physical abuse and emotional abuse as well. To this day I don't understand why no one tried to help me as an abused child.
Last edited by greatblueheron; 08-27-2018 at 10:02 AM..
That's very Freudian, and was a popular belief up until around the 1970s.
Fear of abandonment is the hallmark of Borderline Personality Disorder. Personality disorders are formed in very early childhood, as a result of trauma. With those with BPD, it is usually a result of emotional abandonment.
Not always - there are inherited issues in play as well, in many cases that may make a child more vulnerable to issues which a more resilient child might experience without lasting issues of this kind.
BPD, depression, and schizophrenia can all run in families - sometimes all three can show up in a family over the years, in different individuals, indicating a probable genetic propensity for emotional/mental illness. Family dysfunction can play a role, of course - but in families of this kind, I have to wonder how much dysfunction is a direct result of the illnesses themselves rather than emotional abandonment or other trauma? Healthy family members may have tried their best, unsuccessfully, and may be heartbroken at the sorrow of having loved ones who are so disturbed and unhappy.
Children who are neglected and/or lack a consistent caregiver can develop RAD - radical attachment disorder. They are said to mature into adults with BPD, if the RAD is not addressed effectively (which can be extremely difficult to do). Depression often pairs itself with BPD, and bipolar can go along with or be part of schizoaffective disorders. There are also some emotional/mental illnesses that just don't fit neatly into the current diagnoses, making treatment plans difficult.
Childhood emotional trauma is not always due to abusive or negligent parenting - its sources can be the loss of a parent to death or serious illness or disability of a parent or other close family member, certainly nothing a parent or anyone else should be blamed for. Children experiencing such tragedies deserve understanding and support, of course, and some children are naturally more resilient than others - again, genetics are a likely factor.
Counseling is never a bad place to start in such situations, to help the child understand that it's not anyone's fault and that he or she has a right to grieve or be angry at fate, rather than at a non-abusive parent or other family member. And such a child should also be told convincingly and repeatedly that they will survive and things will get better, and that he or she is loved. If a parent or caregiver actually IS abusive, of course it's another matter and therapy should take a different path.
One scenario doesn't apply in all situations, making it essential that the individual be perceived accurately by counselors, therapists, doctors, other medical personnel, etc., and their treatment individually tailored to their background, current situation, and needs for a productive and happier future.
This might be worth very little, but the problem with psychological (if that's the right term) issues is that they are not easily or 100% accurately diagnosed like a physical disease such as diabetes or lymphoma is. My daughter, whom we adopted when she was six years old, had been very neglected by her teenage drug-addicted bio mother. Without going into details again, my daughter had a variety of very severe emotional and behavioral problems. In her life with us, she had three different long-term therapists at different times, and she had received about a half-dozen diagnoses, from mild depression all the way up to Reactive Attachment Disorder. Her bio-mom was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and as an adult it was suggested that my daughter might have BPD, also.
Anyway, my two cents' worth is that there is a lot to the theory that "fear of abandoment" is the root cause of BPD and similar/related disorders. When my daughter left our home, she said she hated us and never wanted to see us again, but she nevertheless called us like clockwork once a month until we reconciled after the birth of her first child about three years later. We are still not close, but she still will call or e-mail "for no reason" at least twice a month, usually. (And she STILL has problems, but she is working on them without therapy and seems to be getting her life together for the most part, although she still struggles and makes some bad choices, imo.)
Last edited by katharsis; 08-27-2018 at 02:28 PM..
This might be worth very little, but the problem with psychological (if that's the right term) issues is that they are not easily or 100% accurately diagnosed like a physical disease such as diabetes or lymphoma is.. My daughter, whom we adopted at the age of six, had been very neglected by her teenage drug-addicted bio mother. Without going into details again, my daughter had a variety of very severe emotional and behavioral problems. In her life with us, she had three different long-term therapists at different times, and she had received about a half-dozen diagnoses, from mild depression all the way up to Reactive Attachment Disorder. Her bio-mom was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and as an adult it was suggested that my daughter might have BPD, also.
Anyway, my two cents' worth is that there is a lot to theory that "fear of abandoment" is the root cause of BPD and similar/related disorders. When my daughter left our home, she said she hated us and never wanted to see us again, but she nevertheless called us like clockwork once a month until we reconciled after the birth of her first child about three years later. We are still not close, but she still will call or e-mail "for no reason" at least twice a month, usually. (And she STILL has problems, but she is working on them without therapy and seems to be getting her life together for the most part, although she still struggles and makes some bad choices, imo.)
I am active in the international adoption community and have heard stories similar to yours many times - so sad for all concerned. I am glad that your daughter is doing better - perhaps having a child of her own changed her perspective somewhat. Best wishes to her and you and your family.
(I should add that not every adoptive family experiences difficulties like the ones described, whether the children were adopted internationally or domestically. The common thread is early childhood abandonment and the child's resulting inability to trust subsequent caregivers. Most children adopted internationally come from orphanages where multiple caregivers work shifts, but there is lots of turnover and not enough caregivers to go around and provide more than physical care to the children. Life may be very regimented - not ideal for little children, even in showcase orphanages where children are well-cared for physically and are not cruelly treated. My own relatives, adopted in middle childhood years, came from such a "showcase" orphanage abroad, which they had entered when they were small due to bio. family dysfunction - they did not have RAD but did have a few other attachment issues initially, fortunately minor enough to be overcome. They are doing well now, as they enter young adulthood).
I can be quite charming but then I'll revert back to reclusiveness and/or sarcasm....however, I've been able to moderate some responses over the years.
Judging from your posts on this thread, I think you are quite charming. Engaging. Honest.
I've not seen, or at least not noticed, the sarcasm.
Kudos to you for figuring what thought processes and patterns of interaction were not working well and learning how to moderate them.
Also for speaking up.
I worked on Crisis Response Teams for a number of years, and rarely ran across those who had figured things out.
Not always - there are inherited issues in play as well, in many cases that may make a child more vulnerable to issues which a more resilient child might experience without lasting issues of this kind.
BPD, depression, and schizophrenia can all run in families -
One cannot lump a personality disorder with "depression" or with schizophrenia. While there is a genetic component to clinical depression and schizophrenia, the specific personality disorders are LEARNED. Individual personality disorders--there are 11 now recognized in the DSM-5--develop according to a child's temperament. They are a developed way of coping due to childhood trauma, and those coping mechanisms are what allowed the child to survive. The person will hold tenaciously to those behaviors for that reason, and they are deeply ingrained in the person by the time he or she reaches adulthood. This is one of the reasons that they are difficult to treat.
DBT is one of the most effective therapies for Borderline Personality Disorder.
BTW, schizophrenia is the most severe mental illness there is. It has nothing to do with a child's reslilence or lack of it.
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but then I'll revert back to reclusiveness and/or sarcasm....however, I've been able to moderate some responses over the years.
