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Unless some unusual circumstance has prompted me to (for example, helping a shorter person reach something on a high shelf in a store), I don't initiate conversations with strangers in most public situations, such as standing in line, riding the bus, or sitting in a waiting room. But I will smile if the situation calls for it, or playfully wave at a small child, or make a comment about a dog. Whether and how I reply to someone else's opening conversational bid depends on a number of things, including the "creep" factor that has been the subject of another thread, but my own mood and what I'm doing at the time are at least as important. (I often might seem to be doing nothing when I am in fact trying to think through complicated work-related matters.) I try to discourage people's interest by wearing sunglasses or headphones, or by reading.
I might, however, initiate a conversation at a more organized gathering, such as an exhibition opening, lecture, or conference.
Props are helpful. Without even thinking about it, I've asked people about their dogs and one became a friend through that. Asked a surfer about the surfboard holder on his bike, same thing. I usually make eye-contact and smile. Asked a guy about his airplane and got a ride. Stopped to talk to a very handsome guy alone in a diner and started a long relationship.
But in groups, I'm quiet. Always someone louder and more "A"-type taking center stage.
Planes, I'm friendly but won't initiate a conversation.
One thing I dread most about flying is getting a talkative seatmate on a transcontinental or transatlantic flight! It is exceptionally difficult for someone to engage me in those circumstances because I don't know if, once they start talking, they will ever shut up.
I will often initiate a conversation with someone in a market about an item we are purchasing etc. Or if I see someone with a cane or walker as I use one and often wonder why they use one. If they are receptive it's nice, it not, I move on.
Years ago I read that a shy person is really a selfish person.
...why is it looked down upon to be an introvert and a person who focuses on themselves and doesn't share their life with anyone else?
Most people are weak and insecure. They require constant signs of approval from others. They hate and fear those who are naturally strong and secure, those who are capable of independent thought and action.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
No one likes a misanthropic narcissist. Do you?
I like people capable of independent thought. I don't care about the approval of others.
Being focused on oneself (i.e., "selfish") is not integral to being an introvert, and some extroverts are blatantly focused on themselves--for example, the ones who hog the spotlight: "Look at me, everybody! Look at me!"
I will often initiate a conversation with someone in a market about an item we are purchasing etc. Or if I see someone with a cane or walker as I use one and often wonder why they use one. If they are receptive it's nice, it not, I move on.
Years ago I read that a shy person is really a selfish person.
I was locked away in a reform school and when I got out and went to college I was really shy and never made eye contact. Gradually over the years I became especially outgoing and will make smart-assed remarks to strangers. I can stay in my house 2-3 days in a row but go and give speeches to other lawyer groups. I had to force myself at first but as I age I get less shy. I talk to strange dogs too.
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