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I have a question or two that I know the people on here could help with! I live in New Jersey, and the pace of life here in much of the Northeast is pretty fast (sometimes frantic). Of course this translates into there being a lot of aggressive driving on our roads.
I've always been a considerate driver, I make sure I am aware of others, will let people in, etc. Lately it seems that one or two things have happened: either people have become even more aggressive to the point of being combative on the road -or- for some reason my patience is waning. Either way, I am in a frequent state of irritation when driving here in New Jersey. Despite staying to the right on 2 or 3 lane roads, and driving typically 5+ mi/hr over the speed limit on one-lane roads, I frequently have people up my backside, and often have people roaring around me at breakneck speeds. I could go on with examples but here are my questions:
First: are a person's poor driving habits truly reflective of the worst of their personality traits? When people pull nutty stunts, my go-to is to assume that they have an outrageous sense of entitlement or self-importance (or something along those lines).
Second: any advice for me? My priority is my own safety and the safety of my passengers and others on the road, but I don't.enjoy.driving. It's actually to the point where I hate driving in the Northeast and am looking for any advice on taking off the edge while staying safe.
First: are a person's poor driving habits truly reflective of the worst of their personality traits? When people pull nutty stunts, my go-to is to assume that they have an outrageous sense of entitlement or self-importance (or something along those lines).
I don't think it means you are a jerk overall.
I do know otherwise reasonable people who turn into jerks behind the wheel, or at least get VERY impatient. I do know that studies have shown that the relative anonymity of being behind the wheel is similar to the anonymous nature of posting here makes some people feel more aggressive.
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Originally Posted by NJmmadude
Second: any advice for me? My priority is my own safety and the safety of my passengers and others on the road, but I don't.enjoy.driving. It's actually to the point where I hate driving in the Northeast and am looking for any advice on taking off the edge while staying safe.
You MUST be a defensive driver, as you already are, and you cannot take anything personally.
The people who are jerks will still be jerks when they pass you. Be sure YOU are abiding by the traffic laws, then let them pass you.
One idea that might help is to ask yourself whether you are now taking the dumb things other drivers are doing too personally. That they are targeting YOU for some unknown reason. That makes their actions more important and harder to pass off as unimportant. For some reason you have become sensitized to their behavior, maybe expect it more often, and so you are a bit more primed to take it personally than you were before. Maybe the thing you need to do is find ways to detach the personal from the environmental once again.
I think we forget that our tolerances to everyday life changes as we go along. As we age we may start feeling a little more vulnerable because we may not feel as well, maybe our vision and hearing have started to fade, maybe we have more minor aches, pains, distracting thoughts about other aspects of our lives at the moment, all things that sort of push us closer to the annoyance threshold than they did before.
But then, it could also be that there are in fact more obnoxious drivers on the road than before, all with their own little life complaints affecting their behavior too!
I don't know if this is really helpful...but I pretend I have a passenger (in the situations where I'm driving back and forth to work) and when someone is being a jerk, or careless, I talk to my invisible passenger about what a jerk this driver is being, and whatever angry ignorant thing pops in my head. And of course, my invisible passenger commisserates with me...
I do know otherwise reasonable people who turn into jerks behind the wheel, or at least get VERY impatient. I do know that studies have shown that the relative anonymity of being behind the wheel is similar to the anonymous nature of posting here makes some people feel more aggressive.
So true! I used to be a terrible road-rager (have mellowed with age thankfully), and I'm REALLY not aggressive otherwise... in fact most people would describe me as mellow, considerate, and quite friendly in general. Perhaps it was my inner frustrations/stress coming out, but I think we become different people on the road. Ever encountered someone on foot after road-raging on them, like in a parking lot? Talk about awkward.
I also know a man who's the nicest person face to face, but a couple of times I've ended up driving ahead of him (we're in a weekly thing together), and he is SUCH A JERK behind the wheel - literally kissing my bumper through a 5ish mph parking lot with speed bumps, back when I had a low car that couldn't take them any faster. I don't think he knew it was me, but if I didn't know him off the road I'd assume he was a first-class ahole. He legitimately isn't, though.
Quote:
You MUST be a defensive driver, as you already are, and you cannot take anything personally.
The people who are jerks will still be jerks when they pass you. Be sure YOU are abiding by the traffic laws, then let them pass you.
That's what I finally realized as a mature adult (in my 40's now), whereas I used to take it as a personal challenge when someone passed or tailgated me. Now I just shrug it off, and do my best to stay out of their way. Californians are notoriously fast and aggressive drivers, so it's not worth fighting anyone for "first place" - I go pretty fast already, and don't need to match their unsafe speeds. My ego will survive.
Can't claim I "abide by the traffic laws," though, since I typically go at least 10-15mph over the speed limit; but I swear that's BARELY the flow of traffic here, so we have a different concept of what = speeding. And thankfully the cops seem to agree, lol.
P.S. I often like to share something I heard in a meditation-type class: "If you encounter one or two bad drivers on the road, you're just in the Bay Area (or wherever you happen to live). But if everyone seems like a jerk on the road, you might want to look at yourself instead." I think my road raging officially ended the day I learned that philosophy.
I have a question or two that I know the people on here could help with! I live in New Jersey, and the pace of life here in much of the Northeast is pretty fast (sometimes frantic). Of course this translates into there being a lot of aggressive driving on our roads.
I've always been a considerate driver, I make sure I am aware of others, will let people in, etc. Lately it seems that one or two things have happened: either people have become even more aggressive to the point of being combative on the road -or- for some reason my patience is waning. Either way, I am in a frequent state of irritation when driving here in New Jersey. Despite staying to the right on 2 or 3 lane roads, and driving typically 5+ mi/hr over the speed limit on one-lane roads, I frequently have people up my backside, and often have people roaring around me at breakneck speeds. I could go on with examples but here are my questions:
First: are a person's poor driving habits truly reflective of the worst of their personality traits? When people pull nutty stunts, my go-to is to assume that they have an outrageous sense of entitlement or self-importance (or something along those lines).
Second: any advice for me? My priority is my own safety and the safety of my passengers and others on the road, but I don't.enjoy.driving. It's actually to the point where I hate driving in the Northeast and am looking for any advice on taking off the edge while staying safe.
Thanks for any advice!
It's the day and age we live in. When I was first driving back in the late 1970s in the Midwest, drivers were very courteous. That was the 1930s-40s-50s generation. Big, stately cars driven by confident, well-mannered people.
That courtesy has faded and now we have entitled, selfish drivers on every road in every city in the country. I live in the Boston area where the drivers have always been crazy, but a recent visit to Oakland and SF in California convinced me that Boston is not the worst place anymore. OMG, those people are crazeeeee. California drivers used to be so courteous. It's sad.
My favorite is the Jersey Slide. Can you corroborate whether this is actually a New Jersey invention? On a multilane expressway, they start from an inner lane and swerve to the exit ramp, right in front of you, at high speed. I've seen this many times in the Boston area. Rather unnerving.
What can you do? You can get a dash cam. Get one that records both front and back, put in a nice large memory card, and learn how to replay the videos and move them onto your computer. Then, you can relax. Anyone who messes with you, you have the video evidence. "Officer, I got the whole thing on my dash cam; would you like to see the instant replay?"
And, like me, you can just keep driving the correct and legal way, and let them have all the bad karma.
I used to get so mad on the road. Now, I finally have grown a thick skin, and I just laugh it off. "Look, kids, it's a tailgater!" (everyone turns around, looks and laughs)
My way of dealing with crazy drivers (like in SoCal and TX) is just to get in the right lane and STAY there. I don't switch lanes unless it's imperative. It keeps my peace of mind. I don't need those few extra seconds that swerving around someone MIGHT get you.
Driving has gotten worse, like everything (movie theaters, etc.) as population increases and people are increasingly self-centered. I get angry, but don't take it personally. Just a new trend.
Thankful I don't drive anymore....it's super-crazy around here.
My way of dealing with crazy drivers (like in SoCal and TX) is just to get in the right lane and STAY there. I don't switch lanes unless it's imperative. It keeps my peace of mind. I don't need those few extra seconds that swerving around someone MIGHT get you.
Driving has gotten worse, like everything (movie theaters, etc.) as population increases and people are increasingly self-centered. I get angry, but don't take it personally. Just a new trend.
Thankful I don't drive anymore....it's super-crazy around here.
Exactly. Nonsensical/not an option for working people, for the most part.
Around here (metro Seattle), "affordable housing" is waaaay out of the core, meaning longer commutes for most. That's just the way it is.
Past fifteen months, I've been spoiled via working from home 3/4 weeks per month. My commute has been to the airport and back, usually on Sundays and Thursday afternoons. Hardly the same. Learned a lot about the current state of our great country, too, with maybe twelve cities visited. Not comprehensive, but informative.
If you believe the aggregation of traffic data by INRIX, my home of Seattle is now ninth worst in the US. I'd have guessed higher (= worse) on the list. LA area, twice as bad, and worst in the USA. Who knew? New York second, Bay Area third. Everyone loses this contest.
If I need to be mobile again, it's mass transit for me. That works okay if you have the time; that must be balanced against the hassle of driving solo or finding some sort of ride-share.
As for driving solo? In rush hour, I've seen crazy stuff over the decades and it was always a white-knuckler, so I agree with OP there. I had no choice, either, with mass transit between my home and usual place of business not so interesting. Motorcycles only solve it half the year, other half you'd have to be suicidal due to dark and rain and cold. Nuh uh, tried that. Nor can you legally split lanes here, a damn shame, as you can in CA. I split lanes in Bay Area for years, was never picked off, and got to where I was going through some of the worst traffic on the West Coast in a timely fashion.
I hope working from home becomes more prevalent for all professionals. It can be highly effective, with practice, and my whole client's organization was predicated around the idea so we totally made it work.
Left to my own devices, I seem to receive a ticket from the Plod about every 2-4 years, therefore I have some maniacal/speedy tendencies. Just a little, though. Mostly I too prefer to camp right and let people by, it's the easier play. When I am the guy assertively zooming by, well, sometimes it's a bit too fast and I'm busted. Fair enough, I usually figure, and that's what my attorney is for.
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