Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a relative that I tend to worry about. There have been many concerns. Now, there is a possible medical issue and I find that I want to "inform" my relative of possible ways to rectify the medical problem before it might become more serious.
This is basically a problem such as the problem many women have complained about when their husbands will not follow doctor's orders.
You can see what might be helpful, but the person is resistant.
I am trying to back off and tell myself that the destiny of this person's fate is theirs and theirs alone.
But it's hard and I want to keep giving advice, etc.
There comes a point when we just have to back off and "let go". I know when to back off, but do try at any rate. If the person is resistant then that is their choice and whatever happens happens. We can't try to save everyone. I put out a lot of info here in a few forums and only speak MOSTLY from my own experience and if the members want to go where I go, they will.
I lost a couple of pretty nice friends last year to cancers and did along the years attempted to get them to take the antioxidant I preach so much about that has a lot of info about preventing cancers and neither one listened to me. They went the toxic drug route and both are gone. I have wondered IF they had tried my "medicine". Same path I tried with my SIL and sister and both are gone too. I had to let go but I think about this often.
With these 4 people it's not like I told them about the antioxidant at the end, but years before but they ignored me. I didn't mention anything at their ends as it was too late. Who knows if an MD had told them about it years earlier, they might be alive.
Last edited by jaminhealth; 10-08-2018 at 07:42 PM..
I have a relative that I tend to worry about. There have been many concerns. Now, there is a possible medical issue and I find that I want to "inform" my relative of possible ways to rectify the medical problem before it might become more serious.
This is basically a problem such as the problem many women have complained about when their husbands will not follow doctor's orders.
You can see what might be helpful, but the person is resistant.
I am trying to back off and tell myself that the destiny of this person's fate is theirs and theirs alone.
But it's hard and I want to keep giving advice, etc.
You know the old saying about horses and water right? It's an old saying because it's true. If the person is truly resistant you have to accept that. Be ready as a source of information in case they change their views, but don't force them. Otherwise you could lose the relationship entirely and that won't help anyone.
I understand you can't force people to do anything. I posted this in this forum, because the problem is also on my side - I have a hard time accepting it because the person could die as a result of not following my advice (or advice of others). That is the part I need help with.
And I just thought of another person who could also benefit from my advice on a psychological and health matter. In the latter case, the person is stewing in resentment and will not forgive someone for something. And of course, that is the person's "right" - the problem is that it is damaging to health to be "unforgiving." I live a lot of literature backing that up (written in journals - the effects on the heart and also incidence of cancer).
I would bet $1,000 this person has never heard of the relationship between unforgiveness and these serious illnesses. I want to inform the person, but in this case, it is none of my business, so I probably won't. But I am aware of how this person's unwillingness to forgive can impact their health, and so I worry. If they get sick, I will know the reason why and they won't. This is the psychology of me that I don't know how to deal with.
I understand you can't force people to do anything. I posted this in this forum, because the problem is also on my side - I have a hard time accepting it because the person could die as a result of not following my advice (or advice of others). That is the part I need help with.
And I just thought of another person who could also benefit from my advice on a psychological and health matter. In the latter case, the person is stewing in resentment and will not forgive someone for something. And of course, that is the person's "right" - the problem is that it is damaging to health to be "unforgiving." I live a lot of literature backing that up (written in journals - the effects on the heart and also incidence of cancer).
I would bet $1,000 this person has never heard of the relationship between unforgiveness and these serious illnesses. I want to inform the person, but in this case, it is none of my business, so I probably won't. But I am aware of how this person's unwillingness to forgive can impact their health, and so I worry. If they get sick, I will know the reason why and they won't. This is the psychology of me that I don't know how to deal with.
To carry that burden of why people die and if they only listened to you. You do/did your share and it's up to them and to carry that burden, no way.
I often think how my former son in law misses seeing his children going to college, etc but he chose his way and not mine.
Right, but my question is how to deal with it because I love these people and am attached to them. I realize it is "my problem." I just find it hard to cope with. What is the point of having information that could help someone if the someones don't want the information/help?
Right, but my question is how to deal with it because I love these people and am attached to them. I realize it is "my problem." I just find it hard to cope with. What is the point of having information that could help someone if the someones don't want the information/help?
It all seems so futile.
No one can tell you how to deal with it. You come across like a pretty "smart" person but this issue, I scratch my head. What can you do, shove your stuff down their throats and hope. I don't think so.
If you are having such a hard time "dealing with it", go talk to a therapist and talk it thru.
I guess I have been stupid. I should go pay ONE PERSON to "tell me what to do" instead of getting opinions from people who are interested in psychology.
I guess I have been stupid. I should go pay ONE PERSON to "tell me what to do" instead of getting opinions from people who are interested in psychology.
Thanks! So helpful!
I gave you a lot of info I believe and now reading the above. No one can tell you how to deal with your attachment to this person(s). Long ago I read a lot about attachments to everything including people. Maybe that's what helps me make things easier. It's not easy, but it's the only way...we have to deal with our own issues...
Years ago when I had some stuck issues, I went to talk with a M.F.C. and came away with a better handle on the issue.
And no one can tell you what to do. Give suggestions but that's it.
My brother and his wife lost a 5 yr old to a horrible accident and talk about going on with life. It was pure H*** but they lived on, marriage split up but both in their later 70's and have their memories of this angel they lost.
Last edited by jaminhealth; 10-09-2018 at 02:31 PM..
You just have to accept that you cannot control anyone else, and repeat it to yourself. I'm guessing they are not following the doctors instruction either. No one can make someone else do something if they refuse.
Soooo. I'm guessing you are worried they will die sooner, and depending on the situation, that well may be true.
Soooo, make an effort to enjoy the time you DO have with them.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
