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And they seek virgins. They would probably say it's about purity. I'd suggest it's more about not wanting to be compared to other guys in terms of performance and size.
Quote:
Originally Posted by picardlx
You really seem size obsessed. Probably time to buy a diary.
Why do I get the feeling that I struck a nerve with you?
... compared to other guys in terms of performance and size.
Fitbit should make a product that auto-logs sexual performance parameters, etc. You could tap your Sexbit twice to see how good your experience was. Then open the Sexbit app and rate your partner. Their website would automatically upload your performance data to be shared at FB or other social media sites.
I'm also sure that a lot of incels are not virgins, or even men who have been without a partner for a very long time. I am pretty sure my ex is on those sites in fact. So men who are bitter at women after failed relationships, and who struggle to immediately monkey branch into another serious relationship or have dating struggles of some kind, who take their hurt and transform it into anger (which is what my ex claims, that he no longer feels any emotion other than anger, he's done away with the rest of them in order to keep himself safe)... Pretty sure that anyone who is mad at women is welcome there.
Got to clarify since I have not been here over the weekend, what I was saying before about having compassion, I meant in some instances of struggling, hurting men who have not gone all the way to the place of far crazy, the fantasies of violence, rape, etc. I do not engage with that, nor (of course) extend compassion to those who are that far gone. Those guys, and also the trolls (and often enough I think it's one and the same) are beyond my ability to reach or help anyhow. In fact it's mostly guys who are at a place of struggle where they are confused and about ready to "give up" and are just wondering if the pillers have the right of it...that's where I feel it does some good to try and engage them. Or at least I am willing to try.
Fact is, I would very much prefer if everyone healed their wounds, cleansed themselves of toxicity, and found their happily ever after. But I do have enough experience to know that with some, I am wasting my time. (Yeah, learned plenty about that with the ex.)
And they seek virgins. They would probably say it's about purity. I'd suggest it's more about not wanting to be compared to other guys in terms of performance and size.
They don't care about that because they don't think women should have orgasms and they will not do certain things to please women. Women are dumpsters and breeders to them, nothing more.
I'm just guessing, but what if these incels completed college about the same time as the most recent recession? Googling I find the depression 2007-2009. How would anybody feel graduating around then and having to continue living with mommy and daddy because there are no jobs for them except for menial wages?
I would think that having that kind of experience would turn a lot of people bitter, and the social isolation worsens the situation.
I'm far from an incel (in a relationship now, have had plenty of flings until the last year or so), but I can understand where a lot of the bitterness comes from for these folks.
Our dating market and social systems are totally screwed up. Go into any bar today and you rarely see people interacting. Not just men and women in a pickup bar either - but it's difficult to walk into a Buffalo Wild Wings and even talk about the game that's on with another man.
Online dating is awful. You have hordes of men approaching even relatively below average women. These women can get a very exaggerated sense of their own desirability from these interactions. It's not uncommon at all to have a 3/10 woman with a poor job and a lot of personal baggage rejecting a 6-7/10 man with some success under his belt. If the 6/7's in looks and top 10%-15% earners or so aren't having much luck, where does that leave the rest of the men?
A lot of incels are guys who lack companionship and aren’t desired. Some of them have gone years or even their whole lives without any sort of intimacy with another human being. Couple that with the shaming that partner-less or virgin men receive and it’s not hard to see why some of them turn that way. I can’t help but feel that the fact that “incels” are primarily men is the reason for the lack of empathy and understanding that these guys get. People treat them as if they’re all murderous psychopaths but that just isn’t the case. Maybe I can empathize with them because I’ve actually been through some of the same things that a lot of the incels have.
Last edited by Randomguy18; 10-23-2018 at 01:30 PM..
I'm far from an incel (in a relationship now, have had plenty of flings until the last year or so), but I can understand where a lot of the bitterness comes from for these folks.
Our dating market and social systems are totally screwed up. Go into any bar today and you rarely see people interacting. Not just men and women in a pickup bar either - but it's difficult to walk into a Buffalo Wild Wings and even talk about the game that's on with another man.
Online dating is awful. You have hordes of men approaching even relatively below average women. These women can get a very exaggerated sense of their own desirability from these interactions. It's not uncommon at all to have a 3/10 woman with a poor job and a lot of personal baggage rejecting a 6-7/10 man with some success under his belt. If the 6/7's in looks and top 10%-15% earners or so aren't having much luck, where does that leave the rest of the men?
Maybe you should take it up with the male 8s who fuel the egos of 3s online. What's up with that anyway?
The women did not cause this. It was men who started online dating sites and Instagram and Tinder and men who respond to women on them. Let's stop blaming women when it is men who created this screwed up social scene. Look at your techie overlords, they aren't doing so badly are they? At the expense of average men - incels should be screaming about them, not the women who use their sites.
I'm far from an incel (in a relationship now, have had plenty of flings until the last year or so), but I can understand where a lot of the bitterness comes from for these folks.
Our dating market and social systems are totally screwed up. Go into any bar today and you rarely see people interacting. Not just men and women in a pickup bar either - but it's difficult to walk into a Buffalo Wild Wings and even talk about the game that's on with another man.
Online dating is awful. You have hordes of men approaching even relatively below average women. These women can get a very exaggerated sense of their own desirability from these interactions. It's not uncommon at all to have a 3/10 woman with a poor job and a lot of personal baggage rejecting a 6-7/10 man with some success under his belt. If the 6/7's in looks and top 10%-15% earners or so aren't having much luck, where does that leave the rest of the men?
OK, but what becomes of that woman, though? The one who rejects perfectly good men? Do you think she eventually lands a relationship with Mr. Alpha Chad? Nope. She either ends up alone, or she finds someone appropriate to be with. And here's the other thing, guys are assuming that average or below women are just being super picky, waiting for what THEY think is the "perfect" man. What, he looks like Val Kilmer in his prime, and makes seven figures? What if that isn't her idea of perfect?
The problem with these assessments of people's worth, is that it utterly disregards the right of anyone, or at least any woman, to make choices for their own lives. Who is better qualified than me, to decide what sort of man I want to be with? The base of the argument seems to be simple anger about women making these choices. No reason of hers matters if it's not the answer a given man wishes to hear. Which is yes--but yes specifically to whatever HE wants of her, whether that is a one night stand or a lifelong bond.
I had a bunch of factors I did NOT want in a partner. That doesn't mean those factors make the men who have them unsuitable for others--just for me. I rejected men for being too young, for having completely different sets of interests than I had, hell for being "vanilla." I don't give a rat's backside where they rated on someone's imaginary 1-10 scale, nor where I did. I wanted someone I could be happy with as a companion in my life. And I didn't know exactly what that looked like, until I found it.
If some woman is happy enough being alone for the duration of her youth, or her life, rather than accepting someone she did not find appealing, regardless of why, then so be it, it is her life. She doesn't need to feel guilty for denying some guy out there her life, body, or company. Fact is, an incel could probably find a woman if he'd settle for ANY woman. But he wants one he finds appealing to look at, and somehow THAT is perfectly valid, but a woman wanting someone she could actually be happy with isn't? The anger seems to be in the idea that women don't always choose based on a strict ranking of appearances with no other factors allowed into her consideration. Oh, well.
The only thing any of us can control is ourselves. Who we are, what we say and do, the choices we make. Choosing to be angry at others for your own outcomes...it will only lead to more of same. And the last thing any woman sets out to find in a partner, is a man who is angry and hateful toward women. Continuing down that road only guarantees them the company of other angry men. Self fulfilling prophecy, anyone?
I don't think it's about the size of the rise (how much could any one woman need, anyway?) but I do think it's fairly common for people to find "reasons" (or excuses) not to date if they have some insecurity or other going on. (Remember the Jason Alexander's tail in Shallow Hal? That was funny but it made a point.)
That's fine, but...own it. Turning it on the other people *you're* actually managing to avoid is just twisted and takes things too far. At that point, it's time to stop pretending and tap-dancing, and to start seeking some sort of help for your issues.
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