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I get called out at least once a week for being quiet but the quiet guy in the cubicle opposite mine doesn't. Women get called stuck-up, standoffish and everything else when we're quiet but nobody pays attention to the quiet guys. They just let them be. It's annoying AF.
I think it's the equivalent of drinking/drunk people giving sober teetotalers a hard time. Your being quiet ("sober") makes them uncomfortable because you're not joining in. So they call you out as though you're being aloof when you really ARE just being innocently quiet. Extroverts can be insensitive that way.
What you said is 100% right, and I know it from firsthand experience because I don't drink.
I get called out at least once a week for being quiet but the quiet guy in the cubicle opposite mine doesn't. Women get called stuck-up, standoffish and everything else when we're quiet but nobody pays attention to the quiet guys. They just let them be. It's annoying AF.
Interesting how I've experience the total opposite. Maybe it also depends on one's line of work. Being quiet may sit better with people in IT than in marketing or sales.
It's as if some people think quiet individuals are hiding something, or they can't understand how some people can remain so composed.
Well, if you are not someone who tends to think out loud, shares a lot, bounces ideas off everyone else, or wears their "heart" on their sleeve it is harder to know what that you are actually thinking. It can come across as evasive, being judgmental, or even arrogant when it actually is none of those things. Unfortunately, if someone's behavior makes someone else a little uncomfortable it is easy to assume the reason is negative, not positive.
In a way it is like looking into a black hole instead of a mirror...light thrown at it gets absorbed and disappears. Nothing gets immediately reflected back to reassure the person looking at it. Sorry for the awkward analogy.
I also think that people can be less caring and compassionate, and more prone to judgmental attitudes or even hostility, in some places than others. Even different regions of the country. I can't say if actual criticism is intended, OP, based on what you've said. It could be that they're merely reaching for something to comment on to make you feel included. It might not be mean spirited in intent, and they might not know that it's annoying to you.
It's funny, to me at least...I have had a reputation for being "the quiet one" at work, but in fact I'm a highly gregarious extrovert. I just don't DO that at work. I get on here, sure, but I don't sit around flapping my gums in the cubicle farm where I work. For one thing, there are a number of elements of my life that just are not appropriate to talk about at work, and would make some people very uncomfortable if I did. I keep shush about that stuff. Some of my coworkers are in the know about me, but it's because we've spent breaks outside together talking one-on-one, and I know enough about them to know that it's cool to share with them.
I mean, even, I've been such a fan and friend of this one band for a really long time, I have a patch on my purse. And this lovely older woman started working on my team, and she wanted to connect with me, so she remarked on it and said she'd "have to look them up on Youtube." Well the band is GWAR, and my response to that was, "I don't think that's a very good idea" while laughing. She asked, "Why not?" because she fancies herself pretty cool and eclectic with music, likes a lot of old rock bands and such, and I simply replied, "You...seem like a nice lady."
That was all I could say about that. If she ever did look them up, she never mentioned it again.
Do men get singled out for being quiet more than women do? I don't think so. People just single out the quiet ones in general.
Don't worry about what people think or say. The important thing is you know yourself - your strength and weakness. Improve your weakness and establish your strength.
Nowadays, more and more people want to criticize and judge others. And when they hear criticism and judgement about them from others, they don't take that very well; they get upset.
The extroverts always criticize about the introverts. And vice versa. Who cares?
Have you read the books "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in the World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain and "The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World" by Sophia Dembling"? There are so many books written about power, strength and wisdom in the introverts.
Introverts are not talkers; they are thinkers. They're smart and wise silently, they don't want to show off (are not arrogant) and don't want so much attention. They feel drained in big crowds.
Now, people have more respect for introverts because the history and research show that there were/are lots of famous people who were/are the world changers in good/positive ways.
So, know that you are nice and smart, and people cannot run over you easily, it's all good. You don't have to change yourself for anyone.
Do men get singled out for being quiet more than women do? I don't think so. People just single out the quiet ones in general.
Don't worry about what people think or say. The important thing is you know yourself - your strength and weakness. Improve your weakness and establish your strength.
Nowadays, more and more people want to criticize and judge others. And when they hear criticism and judgement about them from others, they don't take that very well; they get upset.
The extroverts always criticize about the introverts. And vice versa. Who cares?
Have you read the books "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in the World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain and "The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World" by Sophia Dembling"? There are so many books written about power, strength and wisdom in the introverts.
Introverts are not talkers; they are thinkers. They're smart and wise silently, they don't want to show off (are not arrogant) and don't want so much attention. They feel drained in big crowds.
Now, people have more respect for introverts because the history and research show that there were/are lots of famous people who were/are the world changers in good/positive ways.
So, know that you are nice and smart, and people cannot run over you easily, it's all good. You don't have to change yourself for anyone.
I've noticed in the US it occurs more often with extroverts criticizing introverts than vice versa. As if something is wrong with the introvert, and that extroversion is the default "normal" setting.
Anyways, I've thankfully reached the point of no longer caring. Just happy to be me.
As to OP: I do think historically in the US men generally were, and perhaps in some cases are still, more penalized for being more quiet and introverted than women, especially in situations which require "leadership skills". Perhaps that is slowly changing, since we seem to be in the midst of great social and cultural flux.
I've noticed in the US it occurs more often with extroverts criticizing introverts than vice versa. As if something is wrong with the introvert, and that extroversion is the default "normal" setting.
Anyways, I've thankfully reached the point of no longer caring. Just happy to be me.
As to OP: I do think historically in the US men generally were, and perhaps in some cases are still, more penalized for being more quiet and introverted than women, especially in situations which require "leadership skills". Perhaps that is slowly changing, since we seem to be in the midst of great social and cultural flux.
I don't necessarily agree with that. (Extroverts criticizing introverts) But then I'm an extrovert who LOVES introverts. Most of the introverts I have known, just don't want to do small talk or socialize in a big gregarious flock. But if you get them one on one, they're happy to open up, and when they do, fascinating stuff comes out. My boyfriend is an introvert and that dynamic works really well for us. He often gets to enjoy the benefits of my network, without the aggravation and stress of having to maintain it (a task which is neither aggravating nor stressful, to me.)
I think that the trouble I have in talking to introverts (online generally) is when they are upset because they are unpartnered, lonely, etc but I can only give them the kind of advice that would work for me, or someone like me, the whole "get out there and try" thing...because I don't know how else one gets a need met that is centered around other people, besides interacting with other people. I'm not so much criticizing their introversion then, I'm just pointing out the circularity of their problem. Absolute isolation is usually not good for a human's mental health either, even if one is an introvert.
I guess that I'd ask introverts to just try not to assume that extroverts think poorly of them or are trying to be irritating or worse, judgmental or mean. It's entirely possible that the intention behind a comment or behavior, are good intentions, it's just that the extrovert sees the world through their own lens, not yours. In other words, perhaps they mean well, they just don't understand you.
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