11-12 year olds struggling with self-confidence (parent, adult, people)
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I am a swim coach and I coach kids age 11 and 12. I have about 25 swimmers in my group. Most of my swimmers aren't bothered if they aren't the fastest swimmer in the group, but a few swimmers repeatedly put themselves down, saying "I suck" and "I'm not good at swimming."
In reality, the swimmers putting themselves down actually aren't that bad. I tell them that they are doing a great job. The problem is they have told themselves over and over again "I suck" and therefore they believe that they are bad swimmers and in some worse cases, bad people in general, simply because they aren't the fastest swimmer in the group.
I would like to know some tips to help my swimmers build self confidence. Please let me know what you think! Thank you.
Why do these kids feel like it's a competition, vs. learning a skill for enjoyment? Do you set up races frequently? What's the goal of the coaching, and what are the kids, or their parents, expecting to get out of it? Do you know much about other skill areas or school achievement in the low-self-esteem kids' lives? Are they doing poorly elsewhere, or is it just in the swimming arena? (Your post sounds as though the kids are beating themselves up, and deciding their bad people, just because they don't excel in swimming, vs. other areas of life.)
I am a swim coach and I coach kids age 11 and 12. I have about 25 swimmers in my group. Most of my swimmers aren't bothered if they aren't the fastest swimmer in the group, but a few swimmers repeatedly put themselves down, saying "I suck" and "I'm not good at swimming."
In reality, the swimmers putting themselves down actually aren't that bad. I tell them that they are doing a great job. The problem is they have told themselves over and over again "I suck" and therefore they believe that they are bad swimmers and in some worse cases, bad people in general, simply because they aren't the fastest swimmer in the group.
I would like to know some tips to help my swimmers build self confidence. Please let me know what you think! Thank you.
Instead of telling them they are doing a great job, try being more specific. If an aspect of their strokes is good, tell them that. If they need to work on something, tell them that with practice, they can excel. Kids hear from parents and teachers all the time that they are doing great. They know when they aren’t really doing that great. So they discount it when you say the same thing.
Some kids want perfection to come quickly and easily. It is hard for them to want something so badly they are willing to work hard to master it. I think giving them steps to work on with encouraging words from you, at least some of them might be able to feel that glow of accomplishment with every small imorovement.
But some kids just won’t want to excel that badly.
Why do these kids feel like it's a competition, vs. learning a skill for enjoyment? Do you set up races frequently? What's the goal of the coaching, and what are the kids, or their parents, expecting to get out of it? Do you know much about other skill areas or school achievement in the low-self-esteem kids' lives? Are they doing poorly elsewhere, or is it just in the swimming arena? (Your post sounds as though the kids are beating themselves up, and deciding their bad people, just because they don't excel in swimming, vs. other areas of life.)
Since he used the word coach and not teacher I would think it is competitive.
I am a swim coach and I coach kids age 11 and 12. I have about 25 swimmers in my group. Most of my swimmers aren't bothered if they aren't the fastest swimmer in the group, but a few swimmers repeatedly put themselves down, saying "I suck" and "I'm not good at swimming."
In reality, the swimmers putting themselves down actually aren't that bad. I tell them that they are doing a great job. The problem is they have told themselves over and over again "I suck" and therefore they believe that they are bad swimmers and in some worse cases, bad people in general, simply because they aren't the fastest swimmer in the group.
I would like to know some tips to help my swimmers build self confidence. Please let me know what you think! Thank you.
Just keep telling them "they're doing a good job".
I don't understand why you have to have them compete though....most kids feel bad when they're continually losing in races with others...why pit them against each other like that?
Why should they even have to deal with not being "the fastest swimmer in the group"....unless there's definite [perks] to being the fastest.
Since he used the word coach and not teacher I would think it is competitive.
The word "coach" doesn't necessarily imply competitive training. It's synonymous with "tutor" or "instructor".
: a private tutor
"hired a coach to help her daughter prepare for the test"
b : one who instructs or trains
an acting coach
a birth coach
especially : one who instructs players in the fundamentals of a sport and directs team strategy a football coach
a pitching coach
a gymnastics coach
My question was about why the coach couldn't set up some of the lessons in way that the kids could individually work on form, rather than as a competition. Or maybe he's already doing that. We need more info from the OP.
I like the idea of finding something specific that each does well that you can praise them for. They aren't going to take it to heart with a generic, "You're doing a great job." Also, explain to them that just by trying to do their best and to improve their swimming is of value, and that they will get better with more practice.
Just paying attention and letting them know you think they are OK can make an impact. It's obvious to me that these kids don't get any positive reinforcement at home. Some kids never get any praise, just criticism. I had a mother who thought that criticism and put-down and comparison to other people's kids was the right way to raise a child because that's how she had been raised. Having another adult tell me that I was OK or that comparison to others as opposed to focusing on doing MY best is a wrong way of thinking would have gone a long way.
I like the idea of finding something specific that each does well that you can praise them for. They aren't going to take it to heart with a generic, "You're doing a great job." Also, explain to them that just by trying to do their best and to improve their swimming is of value, and that they will get better with more practice.
Just paying attention and letting them know you think they are OK can make an impact. It's obvious to me that these kids don't get any positive reinforcement at home. Some kids never get any praise, just criticism. I had a mother who thought that criticism and put-down and comparison to other people's kids was the right way to raise a child because that's how she had been raised. Having another adult tell me that I was OK or that comparison to others as opposed to focusing on doing MY best is a wrong way of thinking would have gone a long way.
You have the chance to make a difference.
I don't know...I think at that age, a child is going through so many changes, and they're always comparing themselves to their peers...that they seek/need a lot of reassurance from people OTHER than their parents.
You know how a bat uses echo-location to navigate? I think a kid that age kind of does the same thing. Throw out the self insults so they can get the reassurances that they're OK, or good at something.
I know I felt that way at that age. I KNEW my parents loved me, and they told me I was good at this or that, or beautiful, or whatever...but they were my parents, they HAD to say that. lol
I don't know...I think at that age, a child is going through so many changes, and they're always comparing themselves to their peers...that they seek/need a lot of reassurance from people OTHER than their parents.
You know how a bat uses echo-location to navigate? I think a kid that age kind of does the same thing. Throw out the self insults so they can get the reassurances that they're OK, or good at something.
I know I felt that way at that age. I KNEW my parents loved me, and they told me I was good at this or that, or beautiful, or whatever...but they were my parents, they HAD to say that. lol
True, good observation. But OTOH, some kids actually don't get positive reinforcement at home. There's that, too.
Agreed... comment on things they do well or "catch them being good." Comment on aspects that have really improved since the first day, or their attitude when they support and cheer on teammates, and praise them for showing up and putting in the effort and trying.
The goal should be nurturing the "growth mindset" and acknowledging that effort and even small gains are really meaningful.
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