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Yeah, I did all of that too, and then I got grabbed in a public parking structure...No time to run, or scream. He
Sucker punched me knocking me to the ground and proceeded to kick and stomp me into submission before dragging me into a dark secluded spot where he continued to beat me while he raped and tried to strangle me.
I was 5’2” and weighed a whopping 110 pounds. He was over 6’, weighed around 180 and a career criminaMy knowledge of basic “ self defense” was no match for his size and experience. He overpowered me in a heartbeat and my only recourse was to try and cover up in an effort to fend off the blows. I always shake my head when someone says what they’d do to some guy that was assaulting them. I’d kick him, in the private’s!
I’d shoot, pepper spray or throat punch him.
“Don’t be perceived as a victim and you won’t be one? “This advice is likely to get some poor woman assaulted or even killed.
Well, I beg to differ with you as my advice has served me very well in all my years, and it has served many women I know very well. Taking any and all precautions and knowing at least some basic defensive moves can only help during an encounter or assault. I believe strongly that if you can't run or escape, the more you do to fight back, when you can, the greater chance you have of surviving an attack.
I am so saddened that you had to go through your ordeal, but I will not speak further to it because it sounds like you do not believe there would have been anything to do to prevent it. It's clear you were traumatized by the assault. And I imagine that there will be situations where the perpetrator gets the upper hand right away preventing the victim from doing anything to help her/himself. My observation, based on the facts you've relayed, is that this was a true predator, probably looking for someone small that he could overpower in an area where you would not be observed. The thread seemed to be about cat-calls and other such undesirable behavior and habits of the male of the species.
Well, I beg to differ with you as my advice has served me very well in all my years, and it has served many women I know very well. Taking any and all precautions and knowing at least some basic defensive moves can only help during an encounter or assault. I believe strongly that if you can't run or escape, the more you do to fight back, when you can, the greater chance you have of surviving an attack.
I am so saddened that you had to go through your ordeal, but I will not speak further to it because it sounds like you do not believe there would have been anything to do to prevent it. It's clear you were traumatized by the assault. And I imagine that there will be situations where the perpetrator gets the upper hand right away preventing the victim from doing anything to help her/himself. My observation, based on the facts you've relayed, is that this was a true predator, probably looking for someone small that he could overpower in an area where you would not be observed. The thread seemed to be about cat-calls and other such undesirable behavior and habits of the male of the species.
IDK... A rape and a beating pretty much qualifies as “undesirable behavior” by “some” of the males of the species in my book, but that’s just me. Lol
I am not saying that knowing some moves wouldn’t help, but I am saying that telling someone that may give them a false sense of security. I do kick boxing, and enjoy watching MMA and boxing.... A lot of the men ( and women) can take quite a beating and still hang in there. I don’t know if you’ve ever been a party to an assault on your own person, but I can tell you that once you’re in the thick of it, it’s hard to mount a good offense when you’re trying to defend yourself..... as my dad would say, when you’re up to your a$$ in alligators it’s hard to remember that your intention was to drain the swamp. Things go wonky really fast ( seconds). I got punched and was sitting on the ground and before my brain even registered what just happened there was a boot coming down on my face. The odds are not in your favor... just sayin.
Did the police get the guy? Wow, parking structures! Note to self.....
A pretty well lit structure too, and usually pretty crowded. I’d been there a ton.
They caught him within a couple of days. He was found guilty and sentenced to 10-25 years , but some almost 8 years later.... the saga continues, but I won’t go into that here as it’s off topic.
Atlanta. A city where there is an increasing amount of transit usage --- but where it's also not unusual to be alone in or outside of a station at non-peak hours. It's not like NYC or Boston where there are always tons of people around to provide a sense of not being vulnerable. And of course there are some women that feel more worried about safety than others. I mean if transit is your only or best option you just do what you have to do.
Chicago's L (el/subway) system is more widely used than Atlanta's but less so than New York's, and only two lines run 24 hours. (Most stop around 1:00 AM.) One time, I rode a train at 3:30 AM, when coming home from a party. There were about 20 people onboard. That line runs through mostly good areas to O'Hare (the only sketchy neighborhood it passed gentrified since then), so the people seemed decent. Even so, it was nearly all men. The only woman I saw was with her boyfriend, and she was keeping him safe, since he was drunk beyond drunk.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 01-30-2019 at 04:43 PM..
At the end of the day, precautions don't stop rapists from raping. They might cause a rapist to delay or choose a softer target, but that's not the same thing. And it's not as though if everyone steps up their precautions, rapists are gonna be like, "Well, never mind, guess I'll give up raping altogether and focus my energies on learning to make souffles." They'll just up their game, too. The key to actually stopping rape isn't a locked door or pepper spray - it's for rapists to be caught, prosecuted, and locked up. It's for precursor behaviors to be nipped in the bud. It's for more kids to be raised in more healthy ways - there will always be some psychos among us, but many victimizers are made, not born, and we as a society can do better.
Don't get me wrong, I take precautions, and if taking precautions makes an individual feel safer - or makes them actually safer - that's all to the good. But I think sometimes the advice women and girls are given about how to avoid danger crosses the line into making it sound like if something does happen to them, it's because they weren't careful enough. And that's just not fair or right or healthy. The blame for rape rests squarely on the shoulders of rapists. I think you could also argue that those who (purposely or not) give rapists cover have some culpability (e.g. people who make it difficult for survivors to come forward, parents who give their kid a fake alibi because "he'd never do something like that," etc.).
At the end of the day, precautions don't stop rapists from raping. They might cause a rapist to delay or choose a softer target, but that's not the same thing. And it's not as though if everyone steps up their precautions, rapists are gonna be like, "Well, never mind, guess I'll give up raping altogether and focus my energies on learning to make souffles." They'll just up their game, too. The key to actually stopping rape isn't a locked door or pepper spray - it's for rapists to be caught, prosecuted, and locked up. It's for precursor behaviors to be nipped in the bud. It's for more kids to be raised in more healthy ways - there will always be some psychos among us, but many victimizers are made, not born, and we as a society can do better.
Don't get me wrong, I take precautions, and if taking precautions makes an individual feel safer - or makes them actually safer - that's all to the good. But I think sometimes the advice women and girls are given about how to avoid danger crosses the line into making it sound like if something does happen to them, it's because they weren't careful enough. And that's just not fair or right or healthy. The blame for rape rests squarely on the shoulders of rapists. I think you could also argue that those who (purposely or not) give rapists cover have some culpability (e.g. people who make it difficult for survivors to come forward, parents who give their kid a fake alibi because "he'd never do something like that," etc.).
Well there is a thing, a drum I've beaten, over and over in conversations about this. But to be honest it could be far more broadly applied. It is the notion that there's a difference, a huge one, between RESPONSIBILITY and BLAME.
It makes good sense for each of us to behave in as responsible a manner as possible. Be situationally aware, maybe know a bit of self defense technique, the keys in fingers or pepper spray, all of the things that make one a less appealing target (by which I do not mean whether a woman looks sexy and tempting for instance, but rather whether one looks like an easy mark.) Just there are many responsible things that people do, to try and reduce our odds of being the victims of crime in many ways.
And yet there is still a point where, crime can happen to even the most responsible person who takes excellent precautions. And when it does, the victim is never to blame. But sexual assault is one of the few kinds of crime where, due to the onus to prove lack of consent, which can be incredibly difficult to prove in many cases, it is a very common defense to essentially blame the victim.
Of course it is a common American "bootstraps" approach to deny any factor of randomness or luck, and to say that each person is not only responsible, but to blame, for their circumstances. We assume that a poor person deserves to be poor, that it was always their own choices that put them there. That a rich person deserves to be rich as though our billionaires were once plucky entrepreneurs, making their fortunes on a bold idea and the grand spirit of the American Dream, rather than being simply lucky enough to be born to a very rich family. We act as though whatever happens to any of us, it's only what we deserve, and that extends and covers the concept of rape as well.
It's a big steaming pile of Just World Fallacy but there ya have it.
I think women need to always be aware of their surroundings. I try to use common sense but not go into the realm of paranoia and hyper-vigilance.
Regardless of what precautions you take, you can never be 100% sure you're safe or even with training or weapons, you will be able to fight off a determined attacker. To think so is not logical. However you can't go around living in fear all the time either.
One book I think every woman should read is the Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gift_of_Fear If I had daughters I would definitely give them this book when they were in their late teens.
It talks about behaviors that are warning signs that you may be in danger and uses some real life cases to illustrate. Of course sometimes it's just a random sicko that attacks but often it's someone the victim knows or has had contact with.
A pretty well lit structure too, and usually pretty crowded. I’d been there a ton.
They caught him within a couple of days. He was found guilty and sentenced to 10-25 years , but some almost 8 years later.... the saga continues, but I won’t go into that here as it’s off topic.
Sorry to hear you experienced this. It truly angers me to read about some lowlife feeling he has the right to even touch another human being.
I admire you for not letting it defeat you permanently.
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