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I dated someone like this. He wanted to accompany me to a party, I can't remember what the occasion was...I introduced him to everyone I knew and stayed with him for the most part. But every time I left to use the bathroom, get something to eat, stop and talk for a bit on the way, when I looked back at him he'd be by himself leaning against a wall the entire time looking very uncomfortable. I'm very grateful I can hold my own socially for a few minutes even with people I don't really know. I know he was very shy, and it seemed quite difficult for him to feel comfortable around people. I know he had a goal of starting his own business, which is that much harder if you feel insecure to talk to people you don't know.
He would also never make a decision, which is what actually bothered me most. Everything was "whatever you want to do", "wherever you want to go". It made feel responsible to plan every date.
I am not saying all quiet people are insecure (I will not out all introverts into one box just as I protest those here who do this to extroverts) but in THIS case they were related.
I used to be very much like this at parties. I hate small talk, and if I'm at a party where I don't know anyone (rare), I have a hard time branching out and meeting new people. But, I've never been so afraid to make small decisions, only major life changing ones. I question my own judgment, which is a different issue from being an introvert.
I used to be very much like this at parties. I hate small talk, and if I'm at a party where I don't know anyone (rare), I have a hard time branching out and meeting new people. But, I've never been so afraid to make small decisions, only major life changing ones. I question my own judgment, which is a different issue from being an introvert.
Yeah, that really bugged me. The worst was when we went camping with some friends. One night it rained. He woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me that we had a leak in the tent. I looked at him expectantly waiting for him to tell me what we are going to do (I’m not a camper but he was). So I’m looking at him, and he’s looking at me and not saying anything. All of a sudden I realize, he’s waiting for me to tell him what we’re going to do! I don’t want to feel like I have to take charge of every situation. I didn’t have any clue what we should do, and in that moment I felt very unsafe as opposed to looked after and protected.
Yeah, that really bugged me. The worst was when we went camping with some friends. One night it rained. He woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me that we had a leak in the tent. I looked at him expectantly waiting for him to tell me what we are going to do (I’m not a camper but he was). So I’m looking at him, and he’s looking at me and not saying anything. All of a sudden I realize, he’s waiting for me to tell him what we’re going to do! I don’t want to feel like I have to take charge of every situation. I didn’t have any clue what we should do, and in that moment I felt very unsafe as opposed to looked after and protected.
In my opinion, that's way worse than having some social anxiety at a party.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Ever since I got demoted at my job, I’ve been super quiet and antisocial on purpose just because I know it scares my manager and everyone when I went from a decently social person before my demotion to a super quiet person with a p$&#ed off look in his face. I’m out of this job by the end of April (either by moving out of the area or new job or being fired) and I may as well have a little cruel fun while I’m still there.
As a lifelong quiet person, people always think quiet people are up to something. That has been my experience forever.
A few weeks ago, you may have heard about a meeting Trump held with Pence, Pelosi, and Schumer in the Oval Office regarding the shutdown.
A lot was made of the fact that Pence was in the room, but didn't say a word. I saw people on Facebook cracking jokes along the lines of, "Pence had a lot to say in the meeting."
I was reminded of that meeting after sitting in one of my own this morning at work.
As an introvert, I like to listen to what's said, review my notes, and later voice any questions/comments. It's just my style. I don't ordinarily do it all on the fly.
The meeting was boring and rather pointless because the head honcho who has to make the ultimate decision is out on vacation.
Regardless, it was a lot of information to take in, and the meeting was headed by an upbeat, talkative guy who works in a different department.
Once we were done, my boss asked half-jokingly, "You got all of that?" And then the garrulous guy jumped in and exclaimed, "Quiet down, you! Try to keep a low profile."
Here are a few questions I wanted to run by you guys:
1. When someone is quiet, do you think it makes people around him or her feel insecure? Are they wondering "Is this guy hatching a plot to kill us all?"
2. Do you think being in a group setting makes people more disposed toward "picking on" quiet people? I find that when it's just you and that one person, there's no audience to entertain and thus no validation to get from the jokes (e.g., no one else is there to laugh), so people are not as likely to do it.
3. What are some witty comebacks to have in mind when people pull this stunt? Is it best to resort to self-deprecating humor? ("I know I talked your ear off. Wear headphones next time.")
I always thought that if you're quiet, people don't trust you and are a bit scared because they don't know what's going on in your head. If you're a person who can't stop talking then it's all pouring out of you and is on display. People seem to trust that more.
I've never felt this, however I have felt that when people say nothing they have contributed absolutely nothing. You might have good ideas, but if you say nothing who's going to know?
I thought the joke about peace was hilarious, and I also liked your self deprecating joke as well. ����
If you say something most likely they're still not going to know. A lot of reserved introverts get by by being pseudo extroverts. If you can't fake that then it means nothing to them.
On the rare occasions I actually speak up they don't understand and sometimes will even continue going back to what they thought.
People say they want you to talk more but there's no pleasing them because in this society people don't want to hear the truth. They say they do but a lot of them don't. I was even told by someone trying to help me get a job once that I was too honest.
There is a young woman at a local convenience store I stop all frequently. All I want is to pay for my snackage and go, but she engages in this empty banter. If I don't respond she says things like, "you don't talk much," or speaking to the people with me, "he doesn't like me."
Incredibly annoying. I just don't do small talk, especially with strangers.
A few weeks ago, you may have heard about a meeting Trump held with Pence, Pelosi, and Schumer in the Oval Office regarding the shutdown.
A lot was made of the fact that Pence was in the room, but didn't say a word. I saw people on Facebook cracking jokes along the lines of, "Pence had a lot to say in the meeting."
I was reminded of that meeting after sitting in one of my own this morning at work.
As an introvert, I like to listen to what's said, review my notes, and later voice any questions/comments. It's just my style. I don't ordinarily do it all on the fly.
The meeting was boring and rather pointless because the head honcho who has to make the ultimate decision is out on vacation.
Regardless, it was a lot of information to take in, and the meeting was headed by an upbeat, talkative guy who works in a different department.
Once we were done, my boss asked half-jokingly, "You got all of that?" And then the garrulous guy jumped in and exclaimed, "Quiet down, you! Try to keep a low profile."
Here are a few questions I wanted to run by you guys:
1. When someone is quiet, do you think it makes people around him or her feel insecure? Are they wondering "Is this guy hatching a plot to kill us all?"
2. Do you think being in a group setting makes people more disposed toward "picking on" quiet people? I find that when it's just you and that one person, there's no audience to entertain and thus no validation to get from the jokes (e.g., no one else is there to laugh), so people are not as likely to do it.
3. What are some witty comebacks to have in mind when people pull this stunt? Is it best to resort to self-deprecating humor? ("I know I talked your ear off. Wear headphones next time.")
Yes, yes, and no. I don't do anything to counteract the action or make people feel comfortable. That is their issue, not mine.
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