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They start off giving you attention, but some of them just suddenly stop texting you or asking you out.
I know that one of the reasons for this is giving them a lot of privileges too quickly which makes you seem easy and uninteresting. Another reason is not giving them enough attention/affection.
It's just something I kinda understand but at the same time don't understand about men and I was hoping someone could clear it up for me. Like, what kind of thought process makes them forget a girl entirely?
The latest example in my life was this one boy I met in October. I took the initiative to add him on Facebook, but the rest of the initiative came from him. He asked me to hang out about 4-5 times since and we did, but nothing romantic ever really happened. I definitely felt some flirty undertones every single time we went out, but he felt too shy to let it go any further than a few simple compliments like "you're so cute" and such (he's texted these compliments to me as well). He was clearly having a lot of fun with me. He kept commenting on how weird and crazy I am (and clarifying he means it in a good way every single time) and it left me with the impression that he's not used to someone as energetic and active as me, which makes me seem very interesting in his eyes. He also thinks I'm intelligent. As for the conversations we have, I try to keep both online and irl convos funny and interesting. I think the only serious conversation we've had was when we were texting and he shifted the theme to talking about exes, told me about his, asked for my opinion on it, asked me about mine, etc.
Last time he texted me, he asked me out again, but he cancelled the day before we went out, told me he's sick and can't go out, this was in early December. Since then, he congratulated me in mid December about some Orthodox Christian holiday and that's about it. Haven't heard from him after that.
PS, no I have never texted him first. Not that I think it's wrong for a girl to text first, but it's just how I am with everyone, only exclusion is my fam.
Could be so many reasons. A few years ago, I met a very nice lady and we started to socialize and go out. After a few weeks, I realized there was nothing there, we were simply two very different people, and I drifted away from seeing or calling her.
A person you get interested in seeing has to have a certain spark or something that excites you. You could be the most perfect person in the world, but if you do not have that chemistry, then it usually goes nowhere. I know a lot of very wonderful women, but very few that I could see myself ending up with.
They start off giving you attention, but some of them just suddenly stop texting you or asking you out.
I know that one of the reasons for this is giving them a lot of privileges too quickly which makes you seem easy and uninteresting. Another reason is not giving them enough attention/affection.
It's just something I kinda understand but at the same time don't understand about men and I was hoping someone could clear it up for me. Like, what kind of thought process makes them forget a girl entirely?
The latest example in my life was this one boy I met in October. I took the initiative to add him on Facebook, but the rest of the initiative came from him. He asked me to hang out about 4-5 times since and we did, but nothing romantic ever really happened. I definitely felt some flirty undertones every single time we went out, but he felt too shy to let it go any further than a few simple compliments like "you're so cute" and such (he's texted these compliments to me as well). He was clearly having a lot of fun with me. He kept commenting on how weird and crazy I am (and clarifying he means it in a good way every single time) and it left me with the impression that he's not used to someone as energetic and active as me, which makes me seem very interesting in his eyes. He also thinks I'm intelligent. As for the conversations we have, I try to keep both online and irl convos funny and interesting. I think the only serious conversation we've had was when we were texting and he shifted the theme to talking about exes, told me about his, asked for my opinion on it, asked me about mine, etc.
Last time he texted me, he asked me out again, but he cancelled the day before we went out, told me he's sick and can't go out, this was in early December. Since then, he congratulated me in mid December about some Orthodox Christian holiday and that's about it. Haven't heard from him after that.
PS, no I have never texted him first. Not that I think it's wrong for a girl to text first, but it's just how I am with everyone, only exclusion is my fam.
Well, there's your answer - you went on 4-5 dates and nothing romantic ever happened, it never progressed beyond some mild flirting. You talk a lot about what he was saying about you, how he felt and thought about you, but you never once (in this first post) mention what you felt for him, or whether you complimented him the same way. It sounds like you did nothing to encourage things to progress, or at least show him you'd be open to him progressing things. He probably thought you just weren't that into him and he gave up. Sorry, but it sounds like you're playing it way too cool.
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I feel like I was putting in as much effort as he was, playing along and I kept myself interesting.
It's not about keeping yourself interesting, it's about showing him you're interested in him. You can be the most interesting person in the world - if he thinks you're not into him, he's not going to pursue you.
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Idk I was responding positively to everything he said or suggested. I just didn't want him to brave up enough to directly flirt with me just yet.
Why? So you put the brakes on him even "directly" flirting with you, and you wonder why he gave up?
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Yeah, I get that and it's exactly what I did. I just brought him up as an example, I don't care about HIM, just the situation intrigued me.
You don't care about him, and you wonder why he stopped pursuing you?
He's not stupid, clearly he figured out that you don't care about him, aren't interested in him, didn't want him flirting "directly" with you, etc and he rightly took all those signs as an indication that you weren't interested, so he stopped pursuing you. It's not exactly a shocker. It's like you think men should be falling at you feet while you ignore them. That's not how it works.
I know that when I was younger, I gave girls attention and they don't seem too responsive so I moved on to some other girl then suddenly the girl before started getting worried or curious why I stopped giving them attention. Then I hated being bothered by the girl whom I wanted attention but didn't give me any and now she wanted me to be the same when another girl has given her competition.
This is why dating sucks in those days, it's either one girl that's playing games or trying to outsmart you with the phone tag.
As you get older, dating becomes less of a mystery game and more about connecting with the person and not waste time and emotions.
If you are a mature person, if a guy shows interest in you. Be approachable and see what he has to offer and if he's only a tease or something more.
Well, there's your answer - you went on 4-5 dates and nothing romantic ever happened, it never progressed beyond some mild flirting. You talk a lot about what he was saying about you, how he felt and thought about you, but you never once (in this first post) mention what you felt for him, or whether you complimented him the same way. It sounds like you did nothing to encourage things to progress, or at least show him you'd be open to him progressing things. He probably thought you just weren't that into him and he gave up. Sorry, but it sounds like you're playing it way too cool.
It's not about keeping yourself interesting, it's about showing him you're interested in him. You can be the most interesting person in the world - if he thinks you're not into him, he's not going to pursue you.
Why? So you put the brakes on him even "directly" flirting with you, and you wonder why he gave up?
You don't care about him, and you wonder why he stopped pursuing you?
He's not stupid, clearly he figured out that you don't care about him, aren't interested in him, didn't want him flirting "directly" with you, etc and he rightly took all those signs as an indication that you weren't interested, so he stopped pursuing you. It's not exactly a shocker. It's like you think men should be falling at you feet while you ignore them. That's not how it works.
Couldn't agree more.
If you're into someone, let them know. If not, move on. It sounds like he felt like he was getting no where and moved on. If you're not feeling strong romantic/sexual chemistry by the end of the third date then trying to make it work probably isn't worth the time and opportunity cost.
You probably should have initiated the occasional text. Not flood his phone, that's not good either. You probably didn't seem all that interested, especially not bothering to ask how he was feeling when he was sick.
On the other hand, you did a good job of getting rid of him if that was your goal. Four or five dates isn't any investment. As a side note he may not have pursued you because even though he said you were cute and funny and intelligent, it doesn't mean you are the cutest, funniest, most intelligent young woman he has ever met. Assuming you know what someone thinks or feels leaves a lot of room for error. People can act like they are having the time of their lives and be only doing it to make someone else comfortable or happy. That's why we need to communicate.
You don't sound like you particularly like the guy or I'd suggest you send him a how are you doing text.
Men disappear for the same reason women disappear. They aren't getting what they want, or they feel they are unwanted and they don't want to waste their time. Or, they don't feel any chemistry or intellectual stimulation.
I'm sure other people can think of some more reasons.
Men in my life never have a habit of disappearing, but i chase back enough to keep them interested. You enjoy being chased and they chased until they got bored of the one sided relationship. If you liked him you should take the initiative and text first.
When I have connected with guys, i generally lead the conversation, guys like talking about themselves which i have no problem with. I will ask them questions, the ones that make it all about them and never try to get to know a little about me are the ones i drop within the first few exchanges. All forms of relationships are a two way street.
I agree with this. My wife of 40 yrs. now -- chased me back. I liked it.
We also had in-depth conversations about intelluctual things beforehand. The whole "dance"
was wonderful. We fit. Maybe it just wasn't a fit, maybe you did not show enough interest?
You probably should have initiated the occasional text. Not flood his phone, that's not good either. You probably didn't seem all that interested, especially not bothering to ask how he was feeling when he was sick.
On the other hand, you did a good job of getting rid of him if that was your goal. Four or five dates isn't any investment. As a side note he may not have pursued you because even though he said you were cute and funny and intelligent, it doesn't mean you are the cutest, funniest, most intelligent young woman he has ever met. Assuming you know what someone thinks or feels leaves a lot of room for error. People can act like they are having the time of their lives and be only doing it to make someone else comfortable or happy. That's why we need to communicate.
You don't sound like you particularly like the guy or I'd suggest you send him a how are you doing text.
No you have me wrong. I did ask why he was feeling sick.
And as for how I said "I don't care about HIM" I should have specified that I don't care about him ANYMORE because he ghosted. There was no hint of him losing interest, he definitely REALLY wanted to see me, but got sick and couldn't. I feel like he thought he put in too much effort to just give up now.
And if he did actually give up, he's not really worth my attention or effort.
Also, I don't think I hinted that I wanted something more serious or not. I feel like I always left that as a blur for him, so if he actually wanted to find out, he'd have to risk and try something.
I prefer to have a man who takes initiative rather than me having to do all the work. After relationships advance a little, I obviously also put effort, but not before.
Hope that clears up where I stand on this matter to all of you.
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