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You know, that “level 2” in the dating phase when a woman asks questions like “do you say pretty to every girl?” or when she ignores your texts the whole day just to test you in a way I don’t know about. And then if you react the wrong way, you come off as desperate and then game over. Back to being a 24 year old with Asperger’s who never been in a relationship.
If the chase more common today than it was in the past? I’m sure that couples who married young in the 1950s didn’t have time for senseless mind games.
Avoid the ones that like to play games. They might be intriguing now, but it gets old fast and usually a forewarning of things to come. Look for social outlets for things that interest you that would provide a good opportunity to meet new people with mutual interests......
I don’t believe so. Statistics show that 90% of people were married by age 30. Today in cities like San Francisco and Philadelphia, almost half of men in their 40s are unmarried!! I think liberalism has a lot to do with it; the disgusting culture of experimenting with different people and living together for years until you break up. Those things you mentioned back in the days like ignoring letters and brushing off compliments weren’t as common because if that were true, the statistics I put out wouldn’t be true.
Err I was there so please spare me the lecture on a culture you were not part of. With an attitude like yours it’s hardly surprising you are having trouble dating Aspergers or not. Your statistics ignore that back in the 50’s women had few career choices and faced a lot of sexism in the work place. There was pressure to marry and find someone to support them. Also women were chained to the home with one pregnancy after the other and getting a divorce , even if your husband was beating the bejeebers out of you, was almost impossible.
Perhaps you really should read some cultural history books and also research resources for dating advice for aspergers. And as another poster mentioned divorce rates in red states are much higher. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/divorce-study_n_4639430
I don’t believe anyone can be happy and fulfilled without having someone who loves them. Imagine coming home after a long and bullying day of work. Nobody to welcome you and talk about your day? Nobody to have a loving conversation with? Nobody to have a great dinner date? Just you and the remote. I can’t live like this for life.
I think its the other way around. You need to love someone to be fulfilled. Receiving love is very important when you are a child, but giving love is much more important as an adult.
I’m not one of those people. Call me old-fashioned, but I think the loony left is contributing to this trend of destroying marriage. It’s partly why depression and suicide rates are higher than it used to be.
You’re right, I can’t dictate, but I can find my niche of people who believe in marriage and conservative values. I can’t fathom a world where it is legal to kill an infant after birth (what Governor Northam allows) and where a transgender person can enter the bathroom “he” or “she” desires with bad intentions. The election and primaries will tell us what parts of the country are still sane.
Coming across as dictatorial, angry and judgmental.
Women love that.
I’ve been trying this for almost 5 years and still never been on a date. My Asperger’s always gets in the way and I don’t mean that I tell people my diagnosis. I never do that. What I mean is that my brain can’t comprehend the social games people play.
That’s one of the reasons I pin about politics a lot. Marriage rates are lower in liberal cities because many women there think that men are toys because they been toyed by dating the same guys at this bar or that club. I don’t think women ever get abused from dating a guy from church, but church dating is “boring” to lefties, so they like to live “life on the edge”. The men in such places also contribute to this trend because they encourage good girls there to lose hope on marrying someone family oriented when “bro-culture” like drugs and blackouts is all you believe in.
When I read election results in places like Coweta county, GA, where Brian Kemp (R) won 70% of the vote, it’s comforting because those are places where dating is old fashioned and simple like it was back in the days. Divorce rates are lower among conservatives as well.
Try to focus on getting along with the person and each others' company. Don't focus on if someone does or doesn't fit some statistic including yourself.
If you focus too much on trying to be something to impress, people can tend to feel that and may not like that experience. Sure, it's always good to try to work on yourself, but focus on things like exercise and just having more knowledge rather than trying to meet a specific culture such as a conservative culture because they seem to have "better chances" at getting married, etc. Also, just because a group of people are more likely to be married doesn't mean that they are necessarily actually happier either.
If you focus on your diagnosis too much, your own mind, I think, it will come off that way to other people even if they don't quite know what they are looking at. Focus on keeping your health up, being as intelligent as you can be, and finding a good balance between your interests and anothers' interest as well as communication levels. Usually, don't make a big deal about many things as much as possible and keep your options open until you and your partner say you are actually committed to each other. Also, be as independent as you can be if you aren't already there. These will help you become very eligible and wanted, and then you will be more in the driver's seat to make choices too. You don't necessarily need to say no to everyone you meet either, but don't leave them hanging either. If you're not sure, just tell them at some point you're not sure and if you get any other answer that is not "Yes" I am interested in dating more/continuing this relationship, etc., assume it's a "no" and make sure the other person understands you are not/no longer committed and that both of you can look around again etc.
A lot is based on communication and trust on both ends too.
Err I was there so please spare me the lecture on a culture you were not part of. With an attitude like yours it’s hardly surprising you are having trouble dating Aspergers or not. Your statistics ignore that back in the 50’s women had few career choices and faced a lot of sexism in the work place. There was pressure to marry and find someone to support them. Also women were chained to the home with one pregnancy after the other and getting a divorce , even if your husband was beating the bejeebers out of you, was almost impossible.
Perhaps you really should read some cultural history books and also research resources for dating advice for aspergers. And as another poster mentioned divorce rates in red states are much higher. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/divorce-study_n_4639430
I’ll point out that divorce rates can be gauged differently. The South region of the country may have more divorces, but that don’t equate to more divorces per marriages because more people marry there.
Divorce is still seen as a shameful act today, maybe not to the degree as before. But there are factors like having kids out of wedlock that increase the risk of a marriage failing nowadays. I know, a lot of what I’m saying is coming from evangelical podcasts. But it’s generally true.
In case I didn’t tell you, I live in the Southernmost region of Texas and this is where you see my judgmental tone kicking in. Living in Hidalgo and Cameron counties, I’ve seen people at work and other arenas joke about threatening the POTUS. I also regularly hear conversations about a girl wanting a “sancho” (male lover) in their relationship or how “I want to have kids but don’t want to spend my life with one person”.
I hear you, girl. But if the country adopts such “Las Vegas” thinking, children will not grow up loved and healthy. My guy friends post memes on social media on how being 21+ and single in “The Valley” means you can either be a stepdad or be alone for life. It depresses you when it comes up on your news feed. Going to college in Houston and living in Katy the last 2 years was a great refresher on how different people are when you cross cultural and political boundaries. Again, part of the reason why I’ve never dated can be attributed to the Asperger’s, but like I said, girls play more mind games where I’m at because of all the crazy relationships that go down here. If you don’t drink and go to clubs, most people will leave you alone.
I remember asking my Christian friends in Houston if women wanted a social Alpha male and they looked at me weirdly and said “not at all”. More like “start as friends” and “be a stable guy she can count on”. Maybe once I move for work in such a place I’ll adopt that healthier mindset. Where I currently live could be “Aspie hell”.
But there are factors like having kids out of wedlock that increase the risk of a marriage failing nowadays.
Wha?
In general your view is extremely limited, negative, and apparently self-imposed. No one can change that but you.
For the rest of us? Life is much better.
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You admit your experience is restricted by geography. And yet you claim to know how people from more diverse parts of this huge country live, think and feel?
I grew up in Texas and now live in the DC Metro area. I'm intimately familiar with both cultures. Like Mikaela said, your perspective is LIMITED. And not just by your Asperger's.
Do yourself a favor.
Travel.
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