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You know, that “level 2” in the dating phase when a woman asks questions like “do you say pretty to every girl?” or when she ignores your texts the whole day just to test you in a way I don’t know about. And then if you react the wrong way, you come off as desperate and then game over. Back to being a 24 year old with Asperger’s who never been in a relationship.
If the chase more common today than it was in the past? I’m sure that couples who married young in the 1950s didn’t have time for senseless mind games.
You know, that “level 2” in the dating phase when a woman asks questions like “do you say pretty to every girl?” or when she ignores your texts the whole day just to test you in a way I don’t know about. And then if you react the wrong way, you come off as desperate and then game over. Back to being a 24 year old with Asperger’s who never been in a relationship.
If the chase more common today than it was in the past? I’m sure that couples who married young in the 1950s didn’t have time for senseless mind games.
What you've described doesn't sound like part of "the dating phase." It sounds like girls telling you they're not interested in you.
There were plenty of rules to "the game" back in the day: proper times to "go calling" at a girl's house, appropriate places to take her, filling up the dance card, etc.
What you've described doesn't sound like part of "the dating phase." It sounds like girls telling you they're not interested in you.
There were plenty of rules to "the game" back in the day: proper times to "go calling" at a girl's house, appropriate places to take her, filling up the dance card, etc.
I agree with all of this.
When I first started dating in the late 80s, the one thing that never crossed my mind is how much simpler dating must have been before I was born. Seriously, what is this hang up with 60+ years ago. We live now, in 2019, and pining for a time you weren't alive is counter-productive.
Some people play games and some don't. Stick with looking for those who don't and you will be better off.
If you post ads put that in the ad "I am not a game player", maybe it will attract a girl who wants to date with the same philosophy. I understand your idealism of the past, but it is gone and it was not that great anyways.
When I met my husband I had experienced the games some play, had a 1st love who had a cruel side with too much info on slutty women he had been around. It left me crying a lot of times. by the time I met my 3rd love and future and current husband I realized I was open, honest and if I liked someone I was going to smile like a fool at them and that was ok. I found a man that smiled back at me the same way and we had so much fun on our date in the 1st hour he asked me to go out with him the next day and we grinned at each other and I said yes! So we spent the next 6 hours together and then met up the next day to hang out for 6 more hours.
The trick is finding someone that matches you and is ready and open to a real, honest relationship, the same time frame you are.
I think it best to sort of pretend in a way that is is the 1950's in your case and date as friends first. That way you can take your time to get used to girls and have more realistic expectations.
So a sample date would be you and a girl going out and talking and just trying to have a good time. Then you leave with no expectation of a kiss or anything. You sort of protect yourself by hanging back but not by playing a head game, see how it is different? Go someplace that takes only about 2 hours max at 1st.
It took me many years to get to the point of meeting my husband, I was 28 year old and had dated from 12 years. i learned so much about myself in those years. I learned so much about different types of men in those years.
My brother was a totally different type dater. He was unhappy with himself and so he was not honest with his dating and lied on Fb about his career since he felt he was a loser. He did find long lasting love and had some great sex I heard but never found a love he could marry and he had many tumultuous relationships.
Is there a chance for finding love if I cannot learn “the chase”?
Maybe not. Question is what are you doing to prepare yourself if it turns out to be true (while still hoping for the best)?
I’m unable to learn about mind games due to my condition of Asperger’s syndrome which messed up my brain. And yes, I pin for a time like the 1950s when dating was easier because almost everyone got married back then.
I hope this is still a thing in conservative parts of the U.S.
When I first started dating in the late 80s, the one thing that never crossed my mind is how much simpler dating must have been before I was born. Seriously, what is this hang up with 60+ years ago. We live now, in 2019, and pining for a time you weren't alive is counter-productive.
I can’t say it crossed my mind either in the 70’s. Never had time to ponder the “chase” rules, was too busy being chased lol! Seriously though the true love happened when I was not looking for it and least expected it. The advice I followed during my dating years was just be yourself and you’ll attract the right person .
I’m unable to learn about mind games due to my condition of Asperger’s syndrome which messed up my brain. And yes, I pin for a time like the 1950s when dating was easier because almost everyone got married back then.
I hope this is still a thing in conservative parts of the U.S.
Anyone can learn. it is not easy, and we may not be very skilled at it. You may need to experience the same type of thing repeatedly until you finally realize what is happening to you. We are here to help you as much as we can. Consider a counselor and trusted friends too if you have those applicable to you. Try not to use your trusted friends too much, and offer back what you can.
You know, that “level 2” in the dating phase when a woman asks questions like “do you say pretty to every girl?” or when she ignores your texts the whole day just to test you in a way I don’t know about. And then if you react the wrong way, you come off as desperate and then game over. Back to being a 24 year old with Asperger’s who never been in a relationship.
If the chase more common today than it was in the past? I’m sure that couples who married young in the 1950s didn’t have time for senseless mind games.
If you think there wasn’t mind games back then then you are sorely mistaken. Also the comment “ do you say you’re pretty to every girl” was said back in the day as well as ignoring phone calls , asking your parent to tell a suitor you weren’t home, ignoring notes and letters were just as common then. So please stop wasting your time on this utopian nonsense.
If you think there wasn’t mind games back then then you are sorely mistaken. Also the comment “ do you say you’re pretty to every girl” was said back in the day as well as ignoring phone calls , asking your parent to tell a suitor you weren’t home, ignoring notes and letters were just as common then. So please stop wasting your time on this utopian nonsense.
I don’t believe so. Statistics show that 90% of people were married by age 30. Today in cities like San Francisco and Philadelphia, almost half of men in their 40s are unmarried!! I think liberalism has a lot to do with it; the disgusting culture of experimenting with different people and living together for years until you break up. Those things you mentioned back in the days like ignoring letters and brushing off compliments weren’t as common because if that were true, the statistics I put out wouldn’t be true.
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