What do you do when you find yourself in a bizarre love triangle? (psychologist, boyfriend)

[Gohangr]

Hi people, I'm totally new here and I wanted to share a kind of long story.

So a year ago I met my current roommate, Arti. we clicked instantly and became friends and after a month of me hosting him cause he was new in town, we decided to move in together since I was also looking for a place.

At the same month he met a guy named Barni.(forgive the stupid names)
They fell in love and got into a relationship.
All of us would meet together and just have so much fun and things were going great.

After some months my roommate Arti started being weird. He would be passive aggressive with his boyfriend Barni and me and when I confronted him he would understand he was acting weird and return to normal.
Everything was supposedly fine for 9 months(except for some random outbursts of my roommate), until finally Arti started being very sad and wouldn't tell either of us what was wrong.

He had suddenly decided that he wanted to leave the country to follow his dreamjob.

They broke up peacefully and got back together to give it a try but this time my Arti was totally alienated from Barni. Instead of meeting all together, my roommate would stay inside and avoid meeting me and his boyfriend together.
One day I met with Barni(who had become a really good friend of mine) and he told me he couldnt stop crying and he didnt know what to do.
We had a long conversation and I told him at the end that the decision is up to him and that I know Arti loves him.
And then he said something I didn't understand. He said "why isn't it THIS easy with Arti?"
I told him "what do you mean? Arti is like me, but he's Arti."
He smiled and said he knew what to do.

They broke up. Badly. After avoiding me for 2 weeks my Barni sent me a text saying he was really confused and couldn't meet me yet.
He told me he couldn't see me objectively because I was Arti's friend and roommate.
I was confused even more. This guy who had literally in 9 months opened up to me about his deepest fears and secrets without me even asking, suddenly referred to me as if we weren't friends.

The next three months were difficult. I decided to follow Barni's method and try to look at things objectively.
I was slowly discovering emotions I didn't know or maybe allow myself to have for Barni because I always saw him as a friend and my roommate's boyfriend.
Eventually after countless honest and emotional conversations with Arti, he told me he was jealous. He always saw us so happy together and he felt paralyzed. He told me that he had told Barni that I was in love with him when they were together.

He asked me if I was in love with Barni.
I said no. I told him that he didn't quite understand what I was feeling. I said it didn't matter to me how Barni saw me, because I love him and I want to be part of his life however that is.
He told me that I did something and broke them up.
I was so disappointed.
He had confessed he had "tested" me a lot of times and I had passed all the tests.
Now there were no more tests. He just had to believe me. And he didn't.

We don't speak anymore. next month we're moving out and going our separate ways.

This is the most confusing thing ever. I guess I'll just have to focus on things and get over this slowly.
Life is bittersweet, but I don't wanna stay bitter.

I wish Arti finds his way and finds love.

I wish I meet Barni someday without all this emotional baggage. It's rare to find people who truly love unconditionally.

Anyway, goodnight people. Feel free to write your thoughts or maybe similar experiences.

And as a very wise man once said:
Remember, hate is always foolish and love is always wise.
Laugh hard.
Run fast.
Be kind.

[Sassybluesy]

There's a saying about how some people are meant to be in your life for a short time, and they are placed in your life to teach you something.


It sounds like it was a lovely relationship, all the way around, while it lasted. Be happy for the good times. It's too bad that Arti couldn't have been honest at the beginning and talked about his insecurities. Maybe all of you could've worked things out to a different conclusion. But hopefully, everyone is a little wiser for the experience.

[Gohangr]

thanks for the kind words.

It was a big learning experience for me and Barni for sure. I'm sure someday Arti will also get there, but he is much younger and has difficulty accepting and forgiving his own mistakes.

In a way I found it really beautiful to see us all mature so much in just one year.
It was the thing that made me discover and follow my dream and try and become a psychologist.

[BobCaldwell]

I get down on my knees and pray.