Be honest as heck: Does cussing show a lack of self-control? Why or why not?

[movingvanmorrison]

Originally Posted by Roselvr

I started working at my dads gas station when I was 11 in 1976. I grew up around it and knew where to use it. I mostly curse when I'm pissed

Forward to my daughters generation, born in the early 90's, her whole generation curses in normal conversation which is pretty disgusting to me. I don't know if this is a New Jersey thing or if it's all over. I give her credit, she's trying to slow it down now that her 2 year old daughter is starting to talk.

LOL. For some reason I cussed as a child and my parents would wash my mouth out with soap etc. Not sure where I picked it up or why but that was me as a child. (Obviously the soap in the mouth treatment didn't work, if anything it made me cuss more...)

So my sister told my Dad (she was older than me) "When I have a kid, he's not going to cuss like my brother!"


Well, guess what? She did have a kid and he does cuss like her brother! More people cuss than not, nowadays, I'd say. I was just ahead of my time! LOL.

[gouligann]

It makes me laugh when someone excuses themself around me for saying a cuss word. I tell them I've probably got more of a potty mouth than they do.

There is a time and a place and a certain crowd for letting loose. I have a complete handle on what comes out of my mouth.

[movingvanmorrison]

Originally Posted by bondaroo

Exactly!

Or perhaps your friend group wanted to get rid of you but were too chicken to do it directly, or didn't like your language themselves. So they were using the new girlfriend as an excuse to do it. Just like how parents tell teenagers to say "my parents won't let me" to get out of an uncomfortable situation.

In my case I don't think my friends were trying to get rid of me. I just think they valued the woman and her boyfriend (their old friend) more than they valued my being there, so I lost out. But I don't think they "wanted to get rid of me" per se, I think they just thought this woman's wishes were worth respecting even though she was a very new member of the group. I disagreed.



I felt her opinion shouldn't be given so much weight, I didn't like the idea my friends were in effect siding with her over me as opposed to telling her she didn't have to come if she didn't like cursing (which we all did before her presence, with no problems).


So I just felt they weren't as good of friends to me as they were to her and her boyfriend, so I decided not to go any more. I thought it was a very non-"bro-code" move on their part, and like I told one of them, "With friends like this, who needs enemies?" They should have taken my side, not hers. So I just bowed out of the whole group.


I'm still friends with 2 of them including the one who told me. I just don't see them as "great" friends any more; more like "fair weather friends". Que sera' sera'.

[Gohangr]

Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork

Not sure I agree, because I have been through a whole lot of hardship but I don't use that as an excuse to treat other people badly.

In fact I think some of the shaping and contributing factors are very different than what you're saying here. My ex would agree and say his time in the military made him this hard, insensitive, abrasive person, because hey that makes it noble. In reality it's more like as a child, good behavior didn't get him any love but if he misbehaved he'd get his parents full undivided attention. Being punished was better than being invisible, so that set the pattern of things for life...better to behave badly and throw tantrums, than to try and work out what others think or feel, or care about that or be kind or loving, which will only get you ignored. When abuse looks like love, it tends to be how you behave.

I can understand that everyone had a history and that ultimately fault and blame for one's choices isn't the point, but that doesn't mean that I've got to put up with it. It took some doing, some growth, some choices about self respect and personal boundaries, to realize that it doesn't really matter why someone is being a jerk, I just don't have to deal with it. I don't have to sit there and take it because if I choose not to, they might think I am "too sensitive." I won't choose to allow a schoolyard bully to have his way because if I walk away he'll shout "neener neener I hurt your feewings" at my back. Nope. I'm 40 years old, I'm over that game. So whether that means using the ignore or block features as they are intended on the internet, or divorcing an abuser, I will close the door on that and I don't care if anyone thinks I'm being delicate when in fact I'm just having a little self respect.

So yeah, that's where intent counts. It's not the language, necessarily, it's the spirit.

There is a lot of difference between people who use profanity for humor or expression in a group where a spirit of fellowship and adult friendship is prevalent...and those who use word choices with bullying intent and then holler about their victims being "sensitive" when they choose to not listen to it.

Now we had one post upthread somewhere about those lines getting blurred or crossed and who should "win" if there's conflict...a new wife or girlfriend of one of his buddies caused rifts in his social group. All I can say is that if everyone else were really happy with how it had been, and really wanted him to stay, then the woman would have lost that argument. Either she, or her partner, had more social clout in the group. Personally if I don't like some of my boyfriend's buddies (it's happened with one) I just encourage him to go hang and I opt out of it. We are not connected at the hip.

That's basically what I am saying. Maybe I'm expressing it poorly.

I'm not saying that it's a duty to understand and change them.
As you said, if as a child you learned that love is shown by being mean, you get a warped sense of love. you are more negative as a person. And all your experiences after that, will keep having the same motive until(if youre lucky) you find a person to help you understand.

I just feel that there is rarely bad intent behind actions even if they seem bad. If these persons learn that there is no point in behaving or seeing things negatively, it's easy to keep a healthy behavior after the realization.
If they can't understand, then of course there's no point in trying more, because it's not the right time for it.

When you are positive, good things happen. And when bad things happen, they aren't so bad.
That's just my personal experience.

[Dwatted Wabbit]

Originally Posted by Luciano700

We all know how trigger happy some people can get when you cuss


So that is why I would like to ask, does cussing show a lack of self-control? Does cussing even just once means the person lacks self control and willpower? Is cussing in your opinion an appropriate way of expressing feelings?



And how will this change over time?

Not saying cussing should be romanctized or glorified either, but shouldn't we be able to cut some slack too, don't you think? Remember the principle of suppressing, the stronger you surpress something the more violent or strong it is to comeback.

Cursing properly and creatively is an art. Ask Mark Twain.

[silibran]

Originally Posted by gizmo980

An angry person in general can be scary, regardless of the exact words they're using... I'm just as scared by someone turning red and screaming "YOU GOSH-DARN IDIOT!" than I would be if they used a "curse word" in place of gosh-darn. It's about tone, volume, and intention more so than the words themselves.



Numerous studies have actually shown the opposite; that people who curse a lot tend to have LARGER vocabularies and higher IQs. This is generally speaking, of course, so there will always be exceptions. I know my vocabulary is pretty extensive, and I'm obviously well-educated, but I still use the f-word like a conjunction sometimes.

I should have been clearer. I was trying to describe people who use obscenities instead of adjectives, and whose everyday speech is littered with them. Instead of describing something, they throw an obscene word into the mix, and this has become a habitual part of everyday speech.

Sometimes a curse word used for emphasis is apt. It probably describes a person’s feeling well.

On someone cursing intemperately, I have witnessed this. You are probably right that the extreme anger was scary on its own. But the out of control guy cursing like a sailor did scare the library patrons I witnessed, and had an effect on me, as well. I’ve remembered it for 25 years. By the way, the guy apologized shortly afterwards.

[Jezku]

i used to get made fun of for not swearing. it seemed kind of silly to me, as if it 'proved' anything but just another "outlet". i'm more likely to take a pause to think clearly and not just 'act out' frustration. that said, i don't care if others swear or not. if i don't like it, i remove myself from it /focus on something else.

[Sonic_Spork]

Honestly I love it when certain people in certain situations use extreme profanity. The more dignified, uptight looking, or even elderly, the better. I mean Betty White, how she curses like in that movie with the giant crocodile or whatever...man it's been so long since I saw that...Lake Placid! Yes. She is pretty much the only reason to watch that ridiculous film. And it's pretty much because she's an adorable little old lady, one of the Golden Girls for crying out loud, with a pottymouth like none other.

And I don't care what anybody thinks, the notion of Julie Andrews as Mary Poppins using razor-sharp cutting profanity in that crisp British accent just tickles me. If I ever find a woman who does a convincing imitation, I might see if she'll indulge my fancy.

[silibran]

Originally Posted by Jezku

i used to get made fun of for not swearing. it seemed kind of silly to me, as if it 'proved' anything but just another "outlet". i'm more likely to take a pause to think clearly and not just 'act out' frustration. that said, i don't care if others swear or not. if i don't like it, i remove myself from it /focus on something else.

I don’t swear either. I did not tolerate swearing from my kids, either.

But I am a realist. Some people do, and I have no desire to live a hermetic life.

[katharsis]

My opinion:

Sometimes it does indicate a lack of control, sometimes it indicates a lack of respect or consideration (if cussing occurs around "little old ladies" or small children), and sometimes it indicates a lack of vocabulary and possibly intelligence.

Frequent cussing is a big turn-off for me, but I admit that I do cuss very rarely and then very sparingly. I don't think I ever cussed in front of my kids when they were young -- they were about nine years old or so before they stopped thinking that "jerk" was the ultimate bad word to call someone, lol -- and the first time I said "God damn it" in front of my husband, he was absolutely astounded. The point being that if a person only very rarely cusses, it has a much bigger effect when s/he does!