Living in the past after divorce?

[greglovesoldtrucks]

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[rftw]

Originally Posted by Bearsdad

Yes, i work. I am a fiber/network guy at one of the big three phone companies. I interact with people all day and work long hours. My day is never the same. I may be in the DC Metrorail system this morning working on their radio system and in Baltimore working on Google fiber or Comcast internet transport this afternooon. Work and people isn't a problem. I am an outdoorsy guy with plenty of activities and friends, so that is not the issue either.

Bottom line is I feel like I am working for nothing and I miss my old life. My new life could be much worse as someone mentioned, but you can't buy happiness. I don't consider myself bitter but I am not the happy person i once was. I would probably even talk to the ex if she tried even though she was at fault and drug me through the mud. I just consider myself lost. I keep telling myself it will get better.

This is a courageous thread you've started, and I commend you for that. Ten years is a long time, my friend. Divorce is truly tragic, and its human cost is immeasurable. I want to be sensitive to how you feel but at the same time give you advice you can use. Do you find your career meaningful and fulfilling? This is crucial for men. If you do, then you're not "working for nothing". You're doing something important, and working for your future and the people in your life who you care about.

I know you don't think of yourself as bitter, but I think you may very well be. Ask yourself honestly: If "Mr. Wonderful" disappeared and left your wife miserable, wouldn't that make you feel better? And why? Let her be happy, and understand there's plenty of room for you to be happy as well, and it has nothing to do with her. What if you had every single thing in life that you want? Would you care about her and her life? I don't think you would. Don't predicate your happiness on her misery. Figure out what YOU want, and do what it takes to get it.

[jaminhealth]

OP: If your before life was so great, why did it end? Couldn't have been that good, huh?

I thought I had a good marriage and then I got a surprise...Took some time but I started a new life and NEVER wanted marriage again but a lot of bf's and fun and at 81 soon, I have great memories of life after divorce. Life does not wait for us, get on with yours friend.

Divorce doesn't have to be tragic, one door closes and many more open...if you open them.