Has your life generally gone well, or not (due to your own mistakes, or other reasons)? (men, woman)

[PuppiesandKittens]

What's your own view of your own life:

1. Has it generally gone well?

Or

2. Has it generally been a wreck? If it's generally been a wreck, is that because of (a) your own mistakes or (b) things outside of your control?

Thanks.

[Spuggy]

My early life was an utter shambles and disaster due to circumstances beyond my control. It took many years of hard work to crawl out of it and I'm glad I ignored the naysayers and people claiming what I should do. It has generally gone well.

[greatblueheron]

Generally gone well...in spite of myself...

[blink6]

Curious why you ask.

1. Has it generally gone well?

Or

2. Has it generally been a wreck? If it's generally been a wreck, is that because of (a) your own mistakes or (b) things outside of your control?

I'd say I'm well-wrecked.

I don't even know how to tease that apart how my actions and things outside my control shaped my life - picking one over the other.

(WARNING: Philosophical rabbit-hole story time with blink6)

I lived in a homeless shelter when I was a teenager. I was there because of my mother's decisions, not mine. I was to remain in school and get good grades, despite having no home, and I tried to hide my life from my schoolmates as much as I could.

At the shelter, there was a 7PM curfew. If you weren't waiting to be buzzed in at the pee-soaked alley door, they'd kick you out. The curfew and shame of my situation meant I never spent time with peers outside of school. I was very lonely, and felt trapped.

One evening, the night was beautiful and warm. I wanted to go outside. There was a balcony about four feet deep on one side of the second story building, blocked by a railing. It was recessed, and I couldn't see the sky very well from behind the railing, so I climbed over it and sat in the dirt to stargaze. Pretty soon, some woman shrieked behind me and told me to get back inside. I told her I just wanted to see the sky, and she said that didn't matter, that I needed to get back over the railing. So I did.

The next day, I was picked up from school in a van in the middle of the day and taken to a mental health clinic to be evaluated for a "suicide attempt". If that happened to me now, I'd be indignant, but at the time, I was simply amazed that my actions were interpreted that way, and mortified to be pulled from class so mysteriously for something I definitely was not going to explain to anyone.

In the waiting room, I saw a sullen young man with his arms crossed, slumped in a chair, glaring into the floor. A woman I presume was his mother had her arms wrapped around him, offering him whatever he wanted: Do you want guitar lessons? Do you want to go to L.A. for your birthday? Please, tell me what will make you happy... She kept pleading, her expression ragged and distraught, but he remained cold. The scene was upsetting; a painful disconnection between a mother and son. It was so intimate it made me feel as if I were a voyeur to some critical moment in their lives, a broken world. I couldn't separate myself from it. I knew him and and I her. I'll never forget it.

The doctor chatted with me for about 10 minutes. He asked me what happened. After I told him, he said, "You should not be here." I said, "I agree." He said, "I'm very sorry," and he sent me away with a piece of candy. I was given a "warning" at the shelter and not allowed to leave our designated bedroom after curfew for two weeks.

How much was my mistake, and how much was circumstance? Was I wrong to go over the railing? Would I not have another reason to believe I lived in a wrecked up world if I didn't step over that rail, if I followed the unspoken rules I didn't know, if I didn't dare to seek the sky on a moonlit night?

This is why I can't tease it apart. My circumstances and my actions spill into each other and pool as experience that I can never take back. I wish to find something fertile and real even in misery, and as long as I can do that, it is a life "gone well."

[TamaraSavannah]

Things are relative.


I can look at my life as poor because I am alone, no significant other, I am all the cheerleader at work, but alone and questioning at home.


ON THE OTHER HAND, people could think I am living the dream with the ranch where I can engage my own fantasies, that I live well on the salary I get, I have that place without debt, I am still youthful, and so forth.


As my Mom use to tell me........"You think you have problems? Think about those that just got their house carpet bombed.".

[Chowhound]

Mine has gone reasonably well. I really can't complain too much.

I haven't made too many bad decisions, been lucky in a lot of ways. No one is perfect but mine has been pretty drama free. I've hit all of the basic "markers" we tend to compare our lives against. Went to college got into a decent stable career/industry. Done ok money wise, bought a home, give to charities try to live a decent life.

I could probably do more for others would be a apt judgment I suppose, but we're going to see what we can do in that area.

[Sonic_Spork]

I think that my life has gone really well. I mean, I could tell you things, that would make most people feel sorry for me that I've been through some really hard times. I've been (briefly) homeless, I've been poor. I was in an abusive relationship. I'm somewhat estranged from most of my family. I've struggled to have even one friend I could truly count on. I can pull up these things and use them to color my world dark and miserable if I really want to.

But over the years I've grabbed at what happiness and joy I could find, and no one could stop me from doing so. Sure I've made mistakes, and some of them I paid a pretty high price for, but at the same time, I was getting the gifts of learning and personal growth. Life has its challenges, but how would I ever grow without them?

I may not have my dream job, but it's a decent job and it pays well especially since I never finished my degree, can't complain. The benefits are great. I can dress however I like. My coworkers are all really nice.

I have a wonderful, loving partner. He is a perfect fit for me in so many ways. The only part that really sucks is that because of our age difference, we'll have only too few years to enjoy this. But that just means we have to treasure every moment, so we do. I am so grateful for him, every single day, though.

My sons...well, they are teenagers right now, and they are challenging me more than any other aspect of life at the moment, but they're decent kids. They both do love and respect me (more or less...they ARE teenagers...) They are not drug addicts, they are not violent, they are not criminals. Just two young men trying to navigate youthful relationships, and the confusion of learning how to "adult" is all. So it's tough at times but it could be worse and I know it.

I love my home. It's my haven. I even enjoy cleaning, I love it so much.

My social life is fantastic. While I might not feel as deeply invested in my friends like some people do (this is a "me" thing, no reflection on my friends, who are awesome) I am blessed and lucky to have incredible people in my life. And I am part of a community where I am liked enough that I've been lifted up, given status and prestige, a place and a role and the chance to help others and touch lives. And we have fun, god so MUCH fun. I can get free massage, free photography, free life coaching, a host of things people pay for, are benefits of my social group. Hell, I got 2 nights with friends free in a mountain lodge that usually rents for $2300/night. Before this group, I was friends with these incredible performance artists (and kinda famous musicians, if in a very fringe way) and I had amazing times with them, too. I love people, and they seem to like me too, and I've gotta be grateful for that.

If all this were not enough, I have this adorable cat who curls up on my feet to sleep every night and makes me laugh every day. And I live in Colorado and it's beautiful here. And I don't have any major health problems that I have to live my life around. I am ~not~ in pain, more than I'm in pain, and compared to the lives of some people I have known, if you can say that you really should appreciate it. I'm genetically lucky, have not gained weight even after 2 kids and at 40 years old.

Really I think I've got it pretty good.

[sas318]

1. Personally-wise, my life has gone well. I have children and life is so much better with them because they give me purpose. Before them, life was so boring and depressing because I found it absolutely pointless and had zero motivation to live for myself.

2. Career-wise, was bad, now okay. I've always been indecisive and could never pick and stick with a career direction because there was no job description or industry I wanted to be in. Not even one. It was depressing how much I did NOT want to work and how I didn't want to do anything.

I now work at my in-laws' family business and am very lucky and thankful to have it. As long as the company is here, I will be here. Sometimes I wonder what job I'll be in if the family business never existed.

[Atlguy39]

To follow the format of sas318:

1. Personally - Not great. High School years and childhood in general sucked for me. Had an overbearing mother, a brother I never got along with, and bullied at school. Didn't even have my first real date until I was 18. 20's-early 30's were much better, personally. Dated a lot, had some good relationships, and had a good social life. Last decade has been absolutely beyond awful. I have few friends and living in a city that isn't home that I don't like. I've been divorced. I wanted a family of my own and that's not going to happen now. So many regrets.

2. Professionally - I was a big underachiever career-wise all the way into my early 40's. Long bouts of working for abusive bosses followed by unemployment. Nightmare. I really thought I'd be homeless in 2012. I finally got a great job, but had to move 1000 miles from home for it. I've been here ever since. Making great money but unfulfilled and feel like I could/should be making a much greater impact. Can't do it at my current company. I never stop looking for a better opportunity, which can be exhausting.

I'd give my career a C and my personal life a D if I was grading them.

I think the worst thing is not having hope you can turn things around and nothing to look forward to. Thats how I feel at this point. I look back on my earlier years and think if only I'd had the confidence, I could have been exceptional. Instead, I'm barely average.

[HappyFarm34]

Being close to 40, it's definitely better than being close to 30. Amazing how time flies and how things can change when working on myself to try function in society as an adult. lol I was still quite stupid at 30 but have smartened up since then. Mistakes can help us grow stronger when we choose to learn from them and not repeat it.