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A better question what’s the meaning or point of saying “the ego makes us unhappy.” A healthy ego is part of a well lived life. If you want to be second fiddle and not think anything you want is important, go for it. I think my goals and pursuits are extremely important because they’re mine and I obviously care more about anything related to me than I do random other people. I’m 100% sure I exist and I can’t be 100% sure anyone else really does. I can be 99.99% sure, yes, but I can’t know that this isn’t some bizarre simulation and I’m the only real “actor” in it. So to devalue my own “ego” for fear I may be “unhappy” also places an undue amount of importance on happiness. I’d rather be unhappy for a while but striving toward a great goal than some peaceable happiness that doesn’t go along with achievement.
Maybe a better way to put it is I’m happy when I’m swimming in the sun, I’m happy when my teams win, I’m happy when I spend quality time with my girlfriend. But NOTHING on this earth compares to the feeling of euphoria and intoxication of a substantial goal achieved, winning a contest, succeeding against all odds, those feelings are a power rush and that’s the greatest feeling on this planet, not happiness. Happiness is fleeting; glory is forever.
Great post! Yes, a healthy balanced ego...
There are those that might have a diff perspective that a battle won is the best ever.
Succeeding against all odds IS great indeed...no question.
If a person's ego does NOT make them unhappy...great.
I am aware of the joys of winning...of pride, of local fame, admiration, praise, awards, being known where I go...people introducing themselves to me complimenting me (in front of friends is the best!).
Sure. But, I also, know the flip side.
The ego for me is a slippery slope.
A healthy, balanced ego can take the pratfalls when we come in third.
Yes, the memory of glory is forever.
Maybe that, too?
Jealousy?....I know medium income people think the rich should be giving to others WAY more,
so they see them as so greedy and materialistic with so many underprivileged in need....and here
they are buying another house ....for what? They want another vacation home.
Added: I don't feel that way....
This perspective makes me think maybe they don’t know any wealthy people? My dad gave a million dollars to cancer research just last year alone, and more to other causes. One of his friends just died a few weeks ago and he supported 15 charities with million dollar donations to two each year! I don’t know any wealthy people who aren’t involved in giving back. But why don’t they deserve vacation homes and nice cars?! My dad started with nothing, he went to a state school, he had no inheritance, he deserves to enjoy his success and drive his Supercars and vacation to the best resorts - he earned it! He didn’t just make himself a lot of money, he made a lot of other people a living and a lot of money over the decades too. I’d like to know what some of these whiners have ever contributed to society or the world at large?! Besides their judgment, of course.
A better question what’s the meaning or point of saying “the ego makes us unhappy.” A healthy ego is part of a well lived life. If you want to be second fiddle and not think anything you want is important, go for it. I think my goals and pursuits are extremely important because they’re mine and I obviously care more about anything related to me than I do random other people. I’m 100% sure I exist and I can’t be 100% sure anyone else really does. I can be 99.99% sure, yes, but I can’t know that this isn’t some bizarre simulation and I’m the only real “actor” in it. So to devalue my own “ego” for fear I may be “unhappy” also places an undue amount of importance on happiness. I’d rather be unhappy for a while but striving toward a great goal than some peaceable happiness that doesn’t go along with achievement.
Maybe a better way to put it is I’m happy when I’m swimming in the sun, I’m happy when my teams win, I’m happy when I spend quality time with my girlfriend. But NOTHING on this earth compares to the feeling of euphoria and intoxication of a substantial goal achieved, winning a contest, succeeding against all odds, those feelings are a power rush and that’s the greatest feeling on this planet, not happiness. Happiness is fleeting; glory is forever.
True - but the key point (and condensed version) here is ‘healthy’ ego, one which reaches for personal goals, interacts socially in a positive way, is fulfilled in work, etc. and knows to handle disappointments and setbacks which inevitably appear for everyone. That said, I believe the answer to Miss Hepburn’s question is - yes, but only when we allow the ‘unhealthy parts’ of ego to take over (such as fear, escape, etc). So it’s not the ego itself - it’s the inability to maintain balance. That is the source of unhappiness.
Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 03-13-2019 at 08:49 PM..
Being able to handle adversity is a huge part of living a happy life, I think. The best minds can find a way to turn failures into key learning moments and move forward stronger than before.
Being able to handle adversity is a huge part of living a happy life, I think. The best minds can find a way to turn failures into key learning moments and move forward stronger than before.
Yeah - the ego maintaining balance between the id and super-ego.
My dad gave a million dollars to cancer research just last year alone, and more to other causes. One of his friends just died a few weeks ago and he supported 15 charities with million dollar donations to two each year! .
Curious as to what your motivation is in discussing this in a public forum (oddly enough, a forum related to a balanced, ‘healthy’ ego)? To bring it around to the thread title, do you think this is an example of a balanced ego (or the type of thinking process which can cause unhappiness)?
Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 03-13-2019 at 11:26 PM..
There is no single part of self that is responsible for unhappiness.
Just as the physical body is a constellation of systems so to our psychological self is made up of different systems and components, all of which are essential. I find it so odd that people talk about the death of our ego as though it's the ultimate form of enlightenment; to exist completely outside of our desires, detached from want and the pain that separation from them brings. It makes no more sense to exorcise a part of our psyche than it does to neglect a part of our body.
We need to balance the id, ego and superego
The ego is inextricably linked to the id just as a mother is to her child. Without the child the woman isn't a mother so her role, her identity as a mother is defined by the presence of the child. So too the father isn’t a father without the child and isn’t a provider without those for whom he provides. All aspects of the personality exist and have a singular and collective value. The ego is responsible for sourcing and acquiring what the id wants. She is less concerned with the needs of the outside world as we see in real life where mothers would kill, steal, and even act with incredible cruelty to provide for her child over another if the situation became desperate because her attachment to the child is so strong. The superego ensures this isn’t necessary by providing a framework within which the mother can meet the ids needs in an appropriate way. Without the superego the personality has the drive and the means to get what it wants but no comprehension of the cost to others (hello sociopath). Without the ego to negotiate for the id’s needs the superego becomes a cold and callous authoritarian figure where meeting the id's needs are less important than acquiring social perfection. There is no being without the id because the ego and superego only exist because of the id so dysfunction at the id level is one of extremes - needs met or not met. If the needs of the id are met too eagerly, too readily and without tempering then we have an adult who behaves like an infant - demands with entitlement, is aggressive/temper tantrums when their needs are not met (remembering of course that those needs change as the human grows, starting with physiological needs then safety then love/belonging then esteem through to self-actualization.)
Being able to handle adversity is a huge part of living a happy life, I think. The best minds can find a way to turn failures into key learning moments and move forward stronger than before.
EXACTLY! I'm thinking that is a major reason why we're here on
this psycho planet to begin with! Learn... grow...move fwd...
This perspective makes me think maybe they don’t know any wealthy people? My dad gave a million dollars to cancer research just last year alone, and more to other causes. One of his friends just died a few weeks ago and he supported 15 charities with million dollar donations to two each year! I don’t know any wealthy people who aren’t involved in giving back. But why don’t they deserve vacation homes and nice cars?! My dad started with nothing, he went to a state school, he had no inheritance, he deserves to enjoy his success and drive his Supercars and vacation to the best resorts - he earned it! He didn’t just make himself a lot of money, he made a lot of other people a living and a lot of money over the decades too. I’d like to know what some of these whiners have ever contributed to society or the world at large?! Besides their judgment, of course.
... yes, but only when we allow the ‘unhealthy parts’ of ego to take over (such as fear, escape, etc). So it’s not the ego itself - it’s the inability to maintain balance. That is the source of unhappiness.
Yes, recognizing those 'unhealthy' parts ...pride, laziness, grudges, fear, jeaousy ...yes...but, we have the necessary and healthy parts. Thanks.
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Yes, a healthy balanced ego...
