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I'm in my mid-20s and have no desire at all for a relationship or kids. I'm a little concerned - I don't want to wake up one day and realize I do want that but be too old, and see that everyone else is paired off already.
I'm in my mid-20s and have no desire at all for a relationship or kids. I'm a little concerned - I don't want to wake up one day and realize I do want that but be too old, and see that everyone else is paired off already.
Exactly. You don't want to wake up one day in my position. That said, you've got a good 10 years and a lot of growth will happen during that time. You'll either change your mind or just be ok with not wanting kids. I was always sort of on the fence, that is until my divorce at 40. Then, as I see now, it was too late.
I don't so much feel like he is missing out, I mean, he's free to choose otherwise right?
It's the painfully narrow minded insistence of judging everyone's relationships... I've pushed back at it so many times, he's probably got me blocked now, and that's fine but just...damn.
I didn't block you. I actually find your posts a pleasant read, and appreciate your patience with me.
That said, you have a better chance of seeing a pink elephant riding a unicycle, than persuading me that marriage or cohabitation isn't like prison with a correctional officer as your cellmate. So new topic: how 'bout them Cubs?
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheTimidBlueBars
I'm in my mid-20s and have no desire at all for a relationship or kids. I'm a little concerned - I don't want to wake up one day and realize I do want that but be too old, and see that everyone else is paired off already.
Your mid-20's are your last chance to play the field, before everybody around you goes into a spouse hunt, and later possibly stops going out altogether. So do what you can---from reading Red Pill blogs to traveling to locales with a friendly social climate---to make the most of your remaining young years. It might also help to think about why you might want a relationship in the future. Do you expect to meet someone you love? Or are your main concerns compliance with societal norms and/or having a guaranteed date for couple-centric events? Especially after you hit the Big Three-Oh, when being single becomes increasingly socially unacceptable (generally speaking).
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 05-10-2019 at 06:26 PM..
I don't so much feel like he is missing out, I mean, he's free to choose otherwise right?
It's the painfully narrow minded insistence of judging everyone's relationships... I've pushed back at it so many times, he's probably got me blocked now, and that's fine but just...damn.
To me it would be like, having a father who was somewhat abusive, and seeing abusive men on a few TV shows or movies, and knowing a few friends who had abusive husbands, insisting that literally every man will become an abuser given the chance. It is just not true.
Because that's all the "proof" he's got. His own upbringing, some sitcoms, and a few friends who may or may not be telling him the truth about why they don't want to hang with him anymore. That's the basis for all of this.
Personally I think that with all of his unresolved issues that he projects all over the place, he's probably making the right choice not endeavoring to life-bond with another person. Obviously he has zero concept of how a couple might work together in a healthy way to overcome conflict. And while not everyone has those skills, plenty of people do, or at least make a good faith effort at it.
What is sad is that he hasn't seen enough examples of happy, healthy relationships, to even believe that they are possible. And he seems pretty bitter about it, despite what he says about being so happy and free.
Honestly this is another face of a similar thing that has me feeling kinda about the whole "stigma against people with no kids" situation. I don't associate willingly with people who are narrow minded and insist that there's only one way to live life, who stigmatize and judge those who choose other than how they do. No matter what that looks like, whether it's a self-righteous woman whose identity revolves around her motherhood getting judgy about other women not wanting that life for themselves, or it's a man who tells other men that married life is nothing but a prison sentence. FREEDOM is really about being able to choose your path as you please. If you aren't hurting anybody or violating anyone else's freedom, then it's none of your business what other people are doing.
And most of the folks I know (in real life at least, the internet being its own wacky can of worms) believe this, and live by this kind of philosophy. So much of the supposed "stigma"...either you're surrounded by the wrong people, people who judge you when they ought not to...or you're deeply unhappy with where you're at, and just assuming that you're being judged for it because you're judging yourself negatively for it. And there's only one person who can do anything about any of that...
This is what I believe too. I haven't witnessed anyone judging a single childless person. Quite the contrary in fact...Many people with children actually envy the freedom and extra money those single childless people enjoy!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
It's more like seeing other foxes eat the grapes throughout your lifetime, and learning from their reactions that the grapes are indeed sour. So you want to warn foxes naively going for the grapes that they'll be sourly (ha!) disappointed.
Translation: cohabitation/marriage is like being in prison with a correctional officer as your cellmate. And all relationships end up there sooner or later, if they don't end in a breakup. No amount of sex is worth it. So might as well not bother.
As someone who could easily have gone up the road a few times in his younger years, this is hilarious.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
So the answer is "no." None of your friends have confessed to you of their desperate misery, this is just a story you tell yourself to make yourself feel better. Got it.
Even if his friends were, they are probably to smart to not articulate it and risk creating a mess if the spouse finds out that will make the US and North Korea relationship look like a day at the beach.
I can see why he believes that and I don’t blame him one bit.
Relationships can bring a lot of BS too. Of course, the sunshine and puppies types never realize that.
I don’t think anyone here is a sunshine and puppies type. Anything can bring a lot of BS. It doesn’t mean it’s not worth having. Like I said I’ve had both I was single the vast majority of my life. Many people pick the wrong person which is a large part of the problem. I don’t really care what that poster does, but I do find it sad for him.
Translation: cohabitation/marriage is like being in prison with a correctional officer as your cellmate. And all relationships end up there sooner or later, if they don't end in a breakup. No amount of sex is worth it. So might as well not bother.
OK, you've now crossed the bridge into truly bizarre beliefs.
You're not cut out for marriage, or partnership, without some major rewiring of your brain. So, don't bother.
But your "public", such as it is on this forum, is curious; why are you here?
I can see why he believes that and I don’t blame him one bit.
Relationships can bring a lot of BS too. Of course, the sunshine and puppies types never realize that.
Personally, I'm torn between envy but also realising that I tend to end up in bad or even abusive relationships that I struggle to get out of. I do want to meet someone, but not because I'm lonely or because the few friends I had /have are mostly in relationships or have kids.
To say there isn't a stigma is false. Perhaps people who are perfectly content being single / childless / childfree don't notice it or maybe they live in big cities where its probably a non issue. In small towns like this one I feel like a leper. It seems that to make friends here you need to be a parent
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about the whole "stigma against people with no kids" situation. I don't associate willingly with people who are narrow minded and insist that there's only one way to live life, who stigmatize and judge those who choose other than how they do. No matter what that looks like, whether it's a self-righteous woman whose identity revolves around her motherhood getting judgy about other women not wanting that life for themselves, or it's a man who tells other men that married life is nothing but a prison sentence. FREEDOM is really about being able to choose your path as you please. If you aren't hurting anybody or violating anyone else's freedom, then it's none of your business what other people are doing.
