The stigma against single, childless people (generation, parent, emotion, marriage)
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Why do you all want to deny that the stigma exists when there's so much evidence to the contrary, not just my personal experiences? If a childfree or childless person had attacked parents in this manner, it wouldn't have gone vital and there would be total outrage.
Spend some time in England outside of London and the other cities and you'll see it. Loads of trashy people who hate anyone whose different or will just plain ignore you if you're not conformist like them. It's just what I've experienced. And don't even get me started on English seaside towns that are about as unwelcoming as it gets for the childless, with the exception of Brighton due to its large gay community.
I have not been to England, and my post related my own experience, which is in the US. Most of the C-D posters live in the US.
If Engiand treats childfree adults so poorly, your thread title or first paragraph should have made it clear you are complaining about England.
I have not been to England, and my post related my own experience, which is in the US. Most of the C-D posters live in the US.
If Engiand treats childfree adults so poorly, your thread title or first paragraph should have made it clear you are complaining about England.
Tbis is just a very family / kid friendly society that is becoming increasingly intolerant or even downright hateful of anyone perceived as different, with the exception of some of the larger cities. It'd no coincidence that we have the worst behaved children in the world. Not a nice place to be at the moment.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady
It doesn't work like that for everyone; that's a very simplistic view of a complex situation. FYI, I didn't "choose" to be childless or alone either.
BUT...it does work that way for *everyone*. None of us get what we want all the time.........all of us have to go through stuff we didn't want or didn't pull out of a basket because we wanted it.........
Some people who *do* have kids can suffer more.....their child has health problems or dies young or the abused teen that's pregnant....you just don't know what life is going to dish out. I was hurt from caring for & loving a little boy...that wasn't mine. I didn't "choose" to be hurt like that.....or lied to.......but I did put my mind to leaving & not playing a victim.....eventually.......& you can decide for yourself that you are going to be Ok without kids ....if it comes to that...dunno how old you are.
Lots of other women get pregnant or adopt or foster children without a man to support them. What was stopping her from creating and supporting her own family by herself if having babies was all that important to her?
What's stopping some of them is wisdom and common sense. Single parents and their kids generally don't do as well on a variety of life metrics. Even liberal researchers admit this:
a wealth of research strongly suggests that marriage is good for children. Those who live with their biological parents do better in school and are less likely to get pregnant or arrested. They have lower rates of suicide, achieve higher levels of education and earn more as adults. Meanwhile, children who spend time in single-parent families are more likely to misbehave, get sick, drop out of high school and be unemployed.
BUT...it does work that way for *everyone*. None of us get what we want all the time.........all of us have to go through stuff we didn't want or didn't pull out of a basket because we wanted it.........
Some people who *do* have kids can suffer more.....their child has health problems or dies young or the abused teen that's pregnant....you just don't know what life is going to dish out. I was hurt from caring for & loving a little boy...that wasn't mine. I didn't "choose" to be hurt like that.....or lied to.......but I did put my mind to leaving & not playing a victim.....eventually.......& you can decide for yourself that you are going to be Ok without kids ....if it comes to that...dunno how old you are.
True, but it is worse for some people, which is why I relate to the OP. I mean, there are people in this country who have never lost their jobs, married their college sweethearts, and have that family, are happy, etc. Well, the opposite has been true for me. I got a divorce I didn't want, was unemployed for years during the recession, had to move to an awful part of America to re-establish my career, and never had a family. My brother, meanwhile, who should have never been a father, has an adorable daughter and heading for his third divorce. He has no self awareness or desire to improve his life, and meanwhile, thats all I'm focused on, yet here I sit alone (like the OP). Life makes no sense.
BTW, OP is in her early 30's I think, so I get that the clock is ticking on the kids thing. I'm way older and its too late. I somehow have to accept that.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,569,175 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
True, but it is worse for some people, which is why I relate to the OP. I mean, there are people in this country who have never lost their jobs, married their college sweethearts, and have that family, are happy, etc. Well, the opposite has been true for me. I got a divorce I didn't want, was unemployed for years during the recession, had to move to an awful part of America to re-establish my career, and never had a family. My brother, meanwhile, who should have never been a father, has an adorable daughter and heading for his third divorce. He has no self awareness or desire to improve his life, and meanwhile, thats all I'm focused on, yet here I sit alone (like the OP). Life makes no sense.
BTW, OP is in her early 30's I think, so I get that the clock is ticking on the kids thing. I'm way older and its too late. I somehow have to accept that.
Life isn't fair ....but everyone has to deal with stuff.
A man who betrayed me from the day he met me ...& a surprise stepson...didn't make me happy & it was all I could focus on too at first! You gotta step outside the pain & work to heal it.... find other things to focus on if a baby is not happening for you.....& live your life outside of 1 "want"......
Life isn't fair ....but everyone has to deal with stuff.
A man who betrayed me from the day he met me ...& a surprise stepson...didn't make me happy & it was all I could focus on too at first! You gotta step outside the pain & work to heal it.... find other things to focus on if a baby is not happening for you.....& live your life outside of 1 "want"......
"life isn't fair" is a rather cruel and callous thing to say to someone who just opened up about their life and their struggles. Some of us want to share our stories and find people going through the same without being judged or told "life isn't fair". You've obviously never felt the pain of being marginalised, alone and left out. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,569,175 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady
"life isn't fair" is a rather cruel and callous thing to say to someone who just opened up about their life and their struggles. Some of us want to share our stories and find people going through the same without being judged or told "life isn't fair". You've obviously never felt the pain of being marginalised, alone and left out. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
I have had my own struggles & stuff happen to me too....plus I used to work with victims of abuse...& see their faces & bodies bruised up & many would be pregnant. Life isn't fair is not a judgement of you......it's a judgement of life.........
Why do you all want to deny that the stigma exists when there's so much evidence to the contrary, not just my personal experiences? If a childfree or childless person had attacked parents in this manner, it wouldn't have gone vital and there would be total outrage.
Spend some time in England outside of London and the other cities and you'll see it. Loads of trashy people who hate anyone whose different or will just plain ignore you if you're not conformist like them. It's just what I've experienced. And don't even get me started on English seaside towns that are about as unwelcoming as it gets for the childless, with the exception of Brighton due to its large gay community.
Most of us who say it isn't as bad as you say hold our opinions because we too are childless. I'm 57, and outside of a few well-meaning but annoying comments when I was younger, I don't feel the stigma.
Most of us who say it isn't as bad as you say hold our opinions because we too are childless. I'm 57, and outside of a few well-meaning but annoying comments when I was younger, I don't feel the stigma.
While there's definitely a stigma, I have some mitigating factors. I'm male, and I live in a major city area. Plus, most of my friends and acquaintances are childfree too. So all I get in real life is mostly-benign questions like "When are you going to have kids?" For which, I have a jocular comeback: Grabbing at my heart, gasping like I saw a ghost, and saying "[Name of person], don't scare me like that!") After watching them get surprised, I politely explain that the answer is "never". Or if I know they'll rag me over it, I whisper in pretend discomfort that I'm infertile (this is false).
If anything, I get childfree-shamed a lot more here on City-Data, like when posting in threads having to do with kids or schools.
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