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It's a meaningless term that can be interpreted as "Stop talking to me about this issue, I'm bored with it and it doesn't hurt me personally."
It's like the term "forgive and forget." What exactly is meant by the word "forgive," since you obviously never forget? Even if you never mention the event again, it is still in your memory with all the implications of the psychological harm it caused. Any resentment subconsciously harbored by the offense still exists (unless & until you work through the process of healing).
Americans use many terms that seem to be insightful, but are meaningless (with the exception of those that are shorthand for well thought-out philosophical or psychological theories).
It's a meaningless term that can be interpreted as "Stop talking to me about this issue, I'm bored with it and it doesn't hurt me personally."
It's like the term "forgive and forget." What exactly is meant by the word "forgive," since you obviously never forget? Even if you never mention the event again, it is still in your memory with all the implications of the psychological harm it caused. Any resentment subconsciously harbored by the offense still exists (unless & until you work through the process of healing).
Americans use many terms that seem to be insightful, but are meaningless (with the exception of those that are shorthand for well thought-out philosophical or psychological theories).
Every culture has such trite phrases that aren't absolutely sound and true for all circumstances. Not just Americans. Geez. lol
One of the aspects of some bad thing that happened to us that is hard to let go of is that little inner victim's desire for sympathy, compassion, to be soothed and comforted. It casts a sort of glow around the whole thing and its easy to soak ourselves in it.
However, the event happened to us...no one else. Assuming we've shared it, other people can commiserate of course but the event is "over" for them a lot sooner than it is for us. When the worst of the crisis is over it is understandable that we don't want that level of attention to end. By reminding others of our horrible event we are trying to resurrect that feeling over and over again.
Other people are not necessarily being unkind if they stop rising to the occasion, they really have "let it go" in a different way than we need to. There are only so many times they can say they are sorry for us, that they wish it had never happened to us, that some evil or bad luck shouldn't happen to anyone. To get the imaginary hugs, get well wishes, etc. I think we need to remind ourselves it can exhaust and frustrate THEM to be endlessly dragged back into OUR past. Hearing the phrase "you need to let it go." is partly coming from this place we've put others into.
I think too that there's something in the human psyche that almost makes us think of we keep hashing it out, some time it will turn out differently. It may be so deeply buried that we don't realize we're doing it (hence why logic doesn't get in the way). Or maybe we hope that if we keep thinking about it, finally we'll understand it/it will make sense.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NHartphotog
It's a meaningless term that can be interpreted as "Stop talking to me about this issue, I'm bored with it and it doesn't hurt me personally."
It's like the term "forgive and forget." What exactly is meant by the word "forgive," since you obviously never forget? Even if you never mention the event again, it is still in your memory with all the implications of the psychological harm it caused. Any resentment subconsciously harbored by the offense still exists (unless & until you work through the process of healing).
Americans use many terms that seem to be insightful, but are meaningless (with the exception of those that are shorthand for well thought-out philosophical or psychological theories).
I feel like there might've been a thread here a while ago about forgiveness and what the point of it was...
It's a meaningless term that can be interpreted as "Stop talking to me about this issue, I'm bored with it and it doesn't hurt me personally."
It's like the term "forgive and forget." What exactly is meant by the word "forgive," since you obviously never forget? Even if you never mention the event again, it is still in your memory with all the implications of the psychological harm it caused. Any resentment subconsciously harbored by the offense still exists (unless & until you work through the process of healing).
Americans use many terms that seem to be insightful, but are meaningless (with the exception of those that are shorthand for well thought-out philosophical or psychological theories).
Oh wow, I totally disagree. But then, I don't go around telling other people to "let it go." I just basically practice that myself. And it does take practice - and the term "let it go" works visually for me, because if I think in that terminology, I can envision actually letting go of the problem or issue - taking my hands off of it, disentangling myself, moving away from it and away from it's weight.
Oh wow, I totally disagree. But then, I don't go around telling other people to "let it go." I just basically practice that myself. And it does take practice - and the term "let it go" works visually for me, because if I think in that terminology, I can envision actually letting go of the problem or issue - taking my hands off of it, disentangling myself, moving away from it and away from it's weight.
I like how you visualize the process! I tend to just ‘reason it out’ - but I can see how this could be effective!
Simply accept the reality, and don’t set any expectation as how the world should be or could be because most of the time we are not the one in control.
Simply accept the reality, and don’t set any expectation as how the world should be or could be because most of the time we are not the one in control.
We may not always be in control of what happens to us - but we are absolutely in control of our thoughts and behavior to ‘let it go’.
We may not always be in control of what happens to us - but we are absolutely in control of our thoughts and behavior to ‘let it go’.
I think that's the key. And related to what KathrynAragon wrote, we may need to use that visual more than once. I sometimes imagine placing a problem I won't ever change or solve in a boat floating past me on a stream, and watching it float away.
I've placed that same issue in that same boat dozens of times, but doing so works because in so doing I avoid perseverating on it.
Simply accept the reality, and don’t set any expectation as how the world should be or could be because most of the time we are not the one in control.
I agree with this. Our control is limited to our perspective. We cannot control the perspective of other people, which is why it is advisable to "let it go." Should and could are words I actively avoid in order to "let it go."
Just let it go doesnt sound like advice at all to me.
It is aknowledging the situation and not finding any real solution because there is nothing that you can actually do to make the problem go away.
I guess it's advice in the sense that in order to let go of it, you have to focus on yourself and accept you can't change some things and it is ok, and try to focus on the positive aspects of your life and work on other things you want.
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