How do you "let that go"? (husband, problems, everything)
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Just let it go doesnt sound like advice at all to me.
It is aknowledging the situation and not finding any real solution because there is nothing that you can actually do to make the problem go away.
I guess it's advice in the sense that in order to let go of it, you have to focus on yourself and accept you can't change some things and it is ok, and try to focus on the positive aspects of your life and work on other things you want.
You can’t control what other people do or say - but you can control your own thoughts and actions. You can offer ‘closure’ for yourself.
So, did anyone ever say what EFT stands for? It would be helpful if at least on first reference people stated what the acronym stands for. You can't presume people know what your talking about it you don't.
How anyone could use an acronym and not know what it stands for -- when they're the ones using the phrase -- has always puzzled me. (But I've run into that at work also. When I ask what does a give acronym stand for? Coworker said, "I don't know." To which I said, well if you don't know what it stands for, what's the basis on which you're using it? Colleague responded: the boss said so." Oh. OK...whatever. Why am I still surprised that so many people are sheep.)
Anyway, I had to look it up: emotional (or emotionally-) focused therapy.
Guess, I have to learn to "let it go" when people who use an acronym but they don't even know what it stands for, or they won't explain it.
Just let it go doesnt sound like advice at all to me.
It is aknowledging the situation and not finding any real solution because there is nothing that you can actually do to make the problem go away.
I guess it's advice in the sense that in order to let go of it, you have to focus on yourself and accept you can't change some things and it is ok, and try to focus on the positive aspects of your life and work on other things you want.
I think most of the time people are talking about letting go of emotional angst about an issue.
I think most of the time people are talking about letting go of emotional angst about an issue.
That's more what I had in mind. And for me there are often layers to this. For example, I'm trying to let go of my strong attachment, a lifelong hope really, that I'll let go of and then be free from any impact one or more of my significant struggles has on my life. It's kind of a matter of perfection being the enemy of good.
For example, I'm anxious in social situations and I always have been. If I can let go of being entirely free from that anxiety, I'm then free to cope with it, minimize its impact, especially in the form of ruminating about what's wrong with me and how to fix myself, and then I'm better able to focus on living with it.
That's more what I had in mind. And for me there are often layers to this. For example, I'm trying to let go of my strong attachment, a lifelong hope really, that I'll let go of and then be free from any impact one or more of my significant struggles has on my life. It's kind of a matter of perfection being the enemy of good.
For example, I'm anxious in social situations and I always have been. If I can let go of being entirely free from that anxiety, I'm then free to cope with it, minimize its impact, especially in the form of ruminating about what's wrong with me and how to fix myself, and then I'm better able to focus on living with it.
It sounds like basically accepting things about your own personality, your own natural bent, without hating on yourself. Sounds healthy to me.
Small example: I am naturally a restless, impatient sort of person. I JUST AM. That is how I'm wired together. After a series of career misteps/misfits I thought "People are assuming that because I am very logical, that I am also very patient and prefer sedentary jobs" or whatever - I mean, I was trying to do the "smart" thing and take the "smart" job without factoring in two very important elements of my personality.
So in my next interview wouldn't you know the guy asked me if I consider myself a patient person! And I answered honestly - No, I'm not a patient person. Later on he told me that THAT was the instant he decided to hire me! And it was a great career move.
Later on, after I moved, I went in for another job interview, and I just flat out told the people interviewing me that it sounded like a great job, but I wanted to clarify that I couldn't imagine sitting behind a desk all day so I had to have the ability to get up often, roam around, be up and down and out and about in between sitting at the desk - I just can't sit still at a desk for hours at a time. And come to find out, that's exactly whats required though I didn't know that at the time. And it was a great job and I loved it.
So you're an introvert - so go with it. Don't fight it. You can't fight it anyway, that's how you are. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's also nothing wrong with disliking various social situations. Look, I'm an extrovert and I don't like some social situations and would rather just stay the heck at home sometimes, BY MYSELF! So go with it. Build your life around your strengths. You have them.
It sounds like basically accepting things about your own personality, your own natural bent, without hating on yourself. Sounds healthy to me.
Small example: I am naturally a restless, impatient sort of person. I JUST AM. That is how I'm wired together. After a series of career misteps/misfits I thought "People are assuming that because I am very logical, that I am also very patient and prefer sedentary jobs" or whatever - I mean, I was trying to do the "smart" thing and take the "smart" job without factoring in two very important elements of my personality.
So in my next interview wouldn't you know the guy asked me if I consider myself a patient person! And I answered honestly - No, I'm not a patient person. Later on he told me that THAT was the instant he decided to hire me! And it was a great career move.
Later on, after I moved, I went in for another job interview, and I just flat out told the people interviewing me that it sounded like a great job, but I wanted to clarify that I couldn't imagine sitting behind a desk all day so I had to have the ability to get up often, roam around, be up and down and out and about in between sitting at the desk - I just can't sit still at a desk for hours at a time. And come to find out, that's exactly whats required though I didn't know that at the time. And it was a great job and I loved it.
So you're an introvert - so go with it. Don't fight it. You can't fight it anyway, that's how you are. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's also nothing wrong with disliking various social situations. Look, I'm an extrovert and I don't like some social situations and would rather just stay the heck at home sometimes, BY MYSELF! So go with it. Build your life around your strengths. You have them.
This is all just... really great. Love it.
I was hired for my current job BECAUSE of my extremely-variable work experience and history. Turns out, that's exactly what they need. A jack of all trades with common sense and the ability to come on hard when it's busy and stay home when it's light. I hate being bored or limited in my hired role, so that I wouldn't be allowed to do what I can easily do or learn to do. I left those jobs. I don't foresee leaving this one and they don't want me to.
You hit the nail on the head - there is a job out there for just about anyone with a work ethic - no, not just a job but a career. And all careers do involve some self sacrifice and some compliance and working when we don't want to. But those things are a given. The job or career has to fit our personalities though.
Simply accept the reality, and don’t set any expectation as how the world should be or could be because most of the time we are not the one in control.
Thank you for writing that post. I'm going to print it out and tape it to my fridge: you said what I'm working towards succinctly and effectively. Thank you, internet friend!!
This seems to be common enough advice. It usually comes from someone who is either concerned with the intensity of someone's complaints or concerns, or maybe sick of hearing them. I have a couple of methods for letting go in mind, but I'm curious what other people think.
Well, it depends on what level of offense they're talking about. "Let it go" that you were molested by a step-parent as a child, and your mother didn't back you up? Just "let it go", with a snap of the fingers? It can't be done. It may take years of therapy.
"Just let it go" can be a thoughtless, cavalier way of dismissing other people's concerns, or it could be appropriate, depending on the severity of the issue. Or it could be simply an ignorant remark. A lot of people don't understand psychology, and the potentially deep origin of some people's issues. so they try to wave it away, because they don't know how to, or don't want to, deal with them.
Well, it depends on what level of offense they're talking about. "Let it go" that you were molested by a step-parent as a child, and your mother didn't back you up? Just "let it go", with a snap of the fingers? It can't be done. It may take years of therapy.
"Just let it go" can be a thoughtless, cavalier way of dismissing other people's concerns, or it could be appropriate, depending on the severity of the issue. Or it could be simply an ignorant remark. A lot of people don't understand psychology, and the potentially deep origin of some people's issues. so they try to wave it away, because they don't know how to, or don't want to, deal with them.
‘Let it go’ is simply a euphemism for ‘working through’ our issues. There’s no time limit - obviously, some things will take longer (or involve other things such as therapy or additional support) than others. The point is not to ‘wave it away’ - the point is to restore emotional balance for ourselves.
Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 05-19-2019 at 01:46 PM..
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