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You know...you get to a point in life where...you pick and choose what to get in an uproar about. I actually think that maybe your dad is behaving in an emotionally and psychologically healthy way. Why spend your whole life tipping at windmills?
I'm guessing that your dad has enough real life stuff...stuff that effects his every day life, to be concerned about, that he's just not going to get up in arms over say...whether Trump paid off a porn star, or if Michael Jackson diddled little kids. (I'm just using those people as examples.) He also might feel like arguing with you over these things is not worth getting everyone mad about. Your dad has his opinions...opinions that have probably been many years in the making. How is arguing going to change that? Arguing rarely changes anyone's minds anyway.
I brought up Michael Jackson kind of on purpose, because lately, some celebrities have come out defending him. Barbara Streisand, Whoopie Goldberg are the 2 I can think of. I can understand wanting to defend someone you thought you knew, and you thought that person was incapable of horrid things they're accused of doing. I get it.
But Barbara Streisand actually had to open her flap and do a fair amount of victim blaming...victim blaming 7 yr old kids...and then tried to make the case that the kids were where they wanted to be, and besides, their lives seem just fine now...so no big deal.
She would've been better off keeping her mouth shut. Maybe that's how your dad looks at it too.
Perhaps there is some truth to this. Although knowing my father the way that I do, I think this assessment may give him too much credit. He's never come across as a "deep thinker". I don't mean that with any disrespect towards him. I've just never known my father to discuss with any of us any profound ideas or be thoughtful or introspective. He's a truck driver by trade, and I'd describe him as a fairly simple man. After work, he always likes to come home, watch his sitcom re-runs, maybe walk a couple miles on the treadmill, eat dinner, and go to bed. On the other hand, he has been helpful with some of the technical home improvement inquiries I've posed to him.
I'm 33 years old now, and I've had plenty of discussions with him. And while he's always provided the utmost support and compassion, he's never been one to drop knowledge or wisdom on us. I have no fond memories of "that moment when dad explained XYZ to me that changed my perspective". While my parents raised us to be good people, most of the things I've learned in life have been of my own accord. Heck, they never even had those awkward conversations with us about intercourse. Maybe I should be thankful to him for saving us from some of that cringe.
I don't want to give the impression that I'm belittling him or don't respect him. I'm just trying to explain that we've never had those "Dr. Seaver / Growing Pains" coming of age discussions growing up that illustrated my father's intellectual thoughtfulness.
Last edited by Sir Quotes A Lot; 03-25-2019 at 03:21 PM..
Perhaps there is some truth to this. Although knowing my father the way that I do, I think this assessment may give him too much credit. He's never come across as a "deep thinker". I don't mean that with any disrespect towards him. I've just never known my father to discuss with any of us any profound ideas or be thoughtful or introspective. He's a truck driver by trade, and I'd describe him as a fairly simple man. After work, he always likes to come home, watch his sitcom re-runs, maybe walk a couple miles on the treadmill, eat dinner, and go to bed. On the other hand, he has been helpful with some of the technical home improvement inquiries I've posed to him.
I'm 33 years old now, and I've had plenty of discussions with him. And while he's always provided the utmost support and compassion, he's never been one to drop knowledge or wisdom on us. I have no fond memories of "that moment when dad explained XYZ to me that changed my perspective". While my parents raised us to be good people, most of the things I've learned in life have been of my own accord. Heck, they never even had those awkward conversations with us about intercourse. Maybe I should be thankful to him for saving us from some of that cringe.
I don't want to give the impression that I'm belittling him or don't respect him. I'm just trying to explain that we've never had those "Dr. Seaver / Growing Pains" coming of age discussions growing up that illustrated my father's intellectual thoughtfulness.
Maybe your dad figured out a long time ago, that you are smarter than him. And I mean absolutely no disrespect toward you or your dad.
Maybe he's self aware enough, that he knows that YOU know more about the world than he does, so there is no point (for him) to have long in depth, deep conversations...you know?
And if your dad is a truck driver...maybe he's alone with his thoughts more than he likes...and doesn't want anymore deep thoughts when he's home.
For example, my son works in politics. No, you likely wouldn't know his name. :-) But I mention that, because he knows WAY more about politics than I do. PLUS he usually knows the background players, and sometimes has an idea of what's coming down the pike before the news sources do, etc. I'd be nuts to argue with him. Sometimes we have discussions, and I'll pick his brain...but it would be foolish of me to try and argue some kind of die-hard opinion with him.
That is the primary purpose of parenting: to raise moral individuals who are productive members of society. Parents are imperfect people. Your parents seem to be hypocritical, but give them credit for teaching you what is important. You know "Do as I say and not as I do." Obviously, it is best to lead by example, but some people are either unwilling and/or incapable.
It is better they taught you to be moral than to be a liar, cheater, fraud, criminal, etc.
Agree. If we look at our parents or other "authority figures" we were supposed to look up to we'll find faults, biases, blind spots, ignorance. My dad could be bigoted. He didn't deny his personal opinions about some groups of people but he never taught or expected his kids to hold the same views. He might make a derogatory comment about someone but he wouldn't deliberately harm or mistreat them. I suspect he was more concerned that he taught us to think for ourselves...even if it meant arriving at less than perfect conclusions.
I understand completely. My family members were always religious but something has changed in the past several years. Their hypocrisy is almost unbearable. They are so hateful toward anyone who disagrees with them politically. They are even hateful toward people whose beliefs they do not really know, simply because those people look a certain way or live in a certain place. I used to enjoy talking to my mother but I can hardly tolerate it now. She is so mean-spirited! Yet, she is more religious than ever.
Perhaps there is some truth to this. Although knowing my father the way that I do, I think this assessment may give him too much credit. He's never come across as a "deep thinker". I don't mean that with any disrespect towards him. I've just never known my father to discuss with any of us any profound ideas or be thoughtful or introspective. He's a truck driver by trade, and I'd describe him as a fairly simple man. After work, he always likes to come home, watch his sitcom re-runs, maybe walk a couple miles on the treadmill, eat dinner, and go to bed. On the other hand, he has been helpful with some of the technical home improvement inquiries I've posed to him.
I'm 33 years old now, and I've had plenty of discussions with him. And while he's always provided the utmost support and compassion, he's never been one to drop knowledge or wisdom on us. I have no fond memories of "that moment when dad explained XYZ to me that changed my perspective". While my parents raised us to be good people, most of the things I've learned in life have been of my own accord. Heck, they never even had those awkward conversations with us about intercourse. Maybe I should be thankful to him for saving us from some of that cringe.
I don't want to give the impression that I'm belittling him or don't respect him. I'm just trying to explain that we've never had those "Dr. Seaver / Growing Pains" coming of age discussions growing up that illustrated my father's intellectual thoughtfulness.
He sounds like he might just be a bit of a deeper thinker than you realize. There are no Dr Seaver/Growing Pains discussions that lead to "A-HA!" moments. Instead little by little he's steered your course to be what you are. He didn't need the Dr Seaver moments because he's been dropping wisdom on you one tiny drop at a time.
"A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves." -- lao tzu
He sounds like he might just be a bit of a deeper thinker than you realize. There are no Dr Seaver/Growing Pains discussions that lead to "A-HA!" moments. Instead little by little he's steered your course to be what you are. He didn't need the Dr Seaver moments because he's been dropping wisdom on you one tiny drop at a time.
"A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves." -- lao tzu
It can be argued they steered me away from being a bad person, knowing right from wrong...that sort of thing. But intellectually, they've never steered us in any such direction. I was the first to attend college in my family, and most of my extended family for that matter. Most of what I learned about the world that I know now came from that experience. My parents sheltered us, they made us afraid of the world around us. I remember being afraid about driving around town, because I thought someone was following us and going to rob us. That fear was instilled by them, and how they described the world to us. Whether for better or for worse, it hampered a lot of early life experiences. They didn't push me towards college, they didn't provide much insight at all about my future. They took me to functions to learn about my options, but that was the extent of their guidance.
I'm not trying to discredit them where credit is due. They did a good job in terms of showing us right from wrong. They pushed us to strive to do well in school, whether they could help or not with the actual school work. But intellectually, I do not credit them for much at all outside of middle school and parts of high school. Most of what I learned about the world that I know now came from going to college, living alone for the first time on campus, and ultimately moving across country away from them altogether. I even paid for college completely by myself (still paying, in fact). I still call my father for moral support, but I never expect that he's going to know the right answer. He encourages me, and I'm okay with that being the extent of our father/son bond. It's his hypocrisy that bothers me. It's when everything he instilled in us goes out the window when it comes to someone he likes or is a fan of. I feel like that's a slap in the face of the values he told us to live by.
You know...you get to a point in life where...you pick and choose what to get in an uproar about. I actually think that maybe your dad is behaving in an emotionally and psychologically healthy way. Why spend your whole life tipping at windmills?
I'm guessing that your dad has enough real life stuff...stuff that effects his every day life, to be concerned about, that he's just not going to get up in arms over say...whether Trump paid off a porn star, or if Michael Jackson diddled little kids. (I'm just using those people as examples.) He also might feel like arguing with you over these things is not worth getting everyone mad about. Your dad has his opinions...opinions that have probably been many years in the making. How is arguing going to change that? Arguing rarely changes anyone's minds anyway.
I brought up Michael Jackson kind of on purpose, because lately, some celebrities have come out defending him. Barbara Streisand, Whoopie Goldberg are the 2 I can think of. I can understand wanting to defend someone you thought you knew, and you thought that person was incapable of horrid things they're accused of doing. I get it.
But Barbara Streisand actually had to open her flap and do a fair amount of victim blaming...victim blaming 7 yr old kids...and then tried to make the case that the kids were where they wanted to be, and besides, their lives seem just fine now...so no big deal.
She would've been better off keeping her mouth shut. Maybe that's how your dad looks at it too.
I agree with this and think that is part of it. Also, your father has lived long enough to realize not to believe everything you hear or read in the news. When the news reports incorrect information they rarely correct it. Looks what is happening now in the media.
Remember years back when there was the Duke lacrosse scandal? The news, media, district attorney, Nancy Grace, and just about everyone else insisted these guys were guilty of raping that girl. They insisted that the facts would prove it. Turns out - they were absolutely wrong but for two years these boys were crucified in the news and media. Luckily, the boys won a huge settlement but can you imagine what their lives (and the lives of their family) were like for those two years?
At least I learned that the media is all about ratings - not about truth or justice. Likely your Dad realizes that too.
I agree with this and think that is part of it. Also, your father has lived long enough to realize not to believe everything you hear or read in the news. When the news reports incorrect information they rarely correct it. Looks what is happening now in the media.
Remember years back when there was the Duke lacrosse scandal? The news, media, district attorney, Nancy Grace, and just about everyone else insisted these guys were guilty of raping that girl. They insisted that the facts would prove it. Turns out - they were absolutely wrong but for two years these boys were crucified in the news and media. Luckily, the boys won a huge settlement but can you imagine what their lives (and the lives of their family) were like for those two years?
At least I learned that the media is all about ratings - not about truth or justice. Likely your Dad realizes that too.
My dad doesn’t pay attention to the news. He has no idea about the facts of the Duke case, and has probably never heard of it. He has no idea about what is going on in most of the world. I know this, because I try to talk to him about these things. But that doesn’t prevent him from having an opinion. Just because you’re old does not make you inherently wise on all matters. My parents are ignorant of a lot of current events and how things work in the world, because they have not been exposed to such. They have gotten swindled quite a lot, as matter of fact, and as recently as a few months ago when a door to door sales person sold them a terrible cable tv package that they are locked into for two year. But not understanding what’s going on or how things work does not discourage them from having strong opinions pertaining to such matters, and they also vote, which is a much scarier thought.
It can be argued they steered me away from being a bad person, knowing right from wrong...that sort of thing. But intellectually, they've never steered us in any such direction. I was the first to attend college in my family, and most of my extended family for that matter. Most of what I learned about the world that I know now came from that experience. My parents sheltered us, they made us afraid of the world around us. I remember being afraid about driving around town, because I thought someone was following us and going to rob us. That fear was instilled by them, and how they described the world to us. Whether for better or for worse, it hampered a lot of early life experiences. They didn't push me towards college, they didn't provide much insight at all about my future. They took me to functions to learn about my options, but that was the extent of their guidance.
I'm not trying to discredit them where credit is due. They did a good job in terms of showing us right from wrong. They pushed us to strive to do well in school, whether they could help or not with the actual school work. But intellectually, I do not credit them for much at all outside of middle school and parts of high school. Most of what I learned about the world that I know now came from going to college, living alone for the first time on campus, and ultimately moving across country away from them altogether. I even paid for college completely by myself (still paying, in fact). I still call my father for moral support, but I never expect that he's going to know the right answer. He encourages me, and I'm okay with that being the extent of our father/son bond. It's his hypocrisy that bothers me. It's when everything he instilled in us goes out the window when it comes to someone he likes or is a fan of. I feel like that's a slap in the face of the values he told us to live by.
"Intellectual" sophisticated people aren't necessarily any more praiseworthy, morally or ethically superior, or even capable of providing a better example than those who are not. In fact, many times just the opposite. They can often be crueler, more devious, and manage to get away with wrongdoing a little more often.
I feel your pain, Sir Quotesalot. Your parents sound a lot like mine.
IMO, you've got to just let it go. Help them where you reasonably can, but ultimately they're gonna do what they're gonna do.
I just avoid discussing politics and religion with them, and do what I can to mitigate their rather frequent minor disasters and questionable decisions. They're retired these days... these things don't get better with age
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