Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Mentally ill people commit suicide due to loneliness and social isolation. Please bear that in mind. I hope your brother has support when you walk away. Lots of us don't.
I hope he has some support too, but frankly, this is not his sibling's responsibility, legally or morally. It is NO ONE'S JOB to try to keep an adult loved one from killing themselves. Please! Talk about an emotional quagmire! And one that can suck the very lifeblood out of relationships, jobs, health, etc.
My brother may commit suicide one day. I hope he doesn't, but he might. That being said, I am not sure that some mentally ill people realize the emotional drain their behaviors cause their loved ones. If I am going to have a balanced life, with healthy relationships and interesting pursuits and hobbies, I simply cannot get dragged down into his mood swings and his never ending, incessant emotional needs, exaggerations, manias, etc.
I am there for him to some extent but I can only do so much. Right after our Mom died, I knew he needed to talk (he lives out of state), but OH MY GOSH, he talked for hours - and hours - and hours - and hours. And frankly, all about himself. His feelings, his observations, his mental health, his therapy, etc etc etc. One phone conversation with him lasted SIX HOURS and he did about 90 percent of the talking. He would text me at all hours of the day or night - random questions, quotes, you name it. Finally I had to tell him that I have other things going on. See, he doesn't. He is totally fixated on himself and his health, emotionally, mentally and physically. He doesn't work. He doesn't volunteer anywhere. MY GOSH.
He actually told me that now that Mom and Dad are gone, he needed me to be his "executor." I think he is confusing legal terms but he doesn't want me to be his GUARDIAN - oh, no. He just wants me to be his enabler basically, and his sounding board, and his person to call when he needs money or emotional support or whatever. I will not do it. He even told me "I need adult supervision." HE IS AN ADULT. He has counselors, psychiatrists, medical professionals where he lives. He doesn't take my advice anyway, nor is he honest with me.
I am saying all that not to talk about me but to give some perspective of what the OP is facing. Our situations sound similar.
Interesting.. yeah. My brother does not get along with our parents. His friends are his arsenal. He keeps people around that pity him and report to him. I couldn't have a frank convo with his girlfriend without it being battleship down..
My goodness Kathryn! It seems we have the same brother! Except, my brother works. His work agreed to allow him to work 'remotely', in case anything happens.
He takes on new projects, that he texts me about. I found about three sets endless texts regarding a new 'invention' he is creating for people who have seizures.
My goodness Kathryn! It seems we have the same brother!
I KNOW!!!!! They're EVERYWHERE! lol
I hope they never meet each other!
We are having a family reunion, and we have an elderly aunt that is schizophrenic. She refuses to take her meds and she lives with her daughter, my cousin, and she's driving her batty. Anyway, my cousin called me and said, "Oh my gosh, is your brother going to be there? I hope he and my mom don't connect and go off on some sort of tangent!" I said, "Well, your mom is a radical leftist who sees orbs in everything and is an atheist, and my brother is a white supremacist and WW2 SS reenactor, who is probably going to become a Mormon, so yeah - probably need to keep those two apart, but I doubt they are going to be buddies."
I'm really hoping that my brother doesn't come. I looked back through our texts and found where I texted him the date (it's a family reunion but also our mom's memorial) and he and I had a discussion about getting there, him bringing a friend, etc. Also I KNOW we talked about it in our hundreds of hours of phone calls. It's next week, and I haven't spoken with him for a few weeks (he goes through these phases of calling and talking my ear off for weeks and then nothing for weeks). I am pretty sure he has forgotten about it - or doesn't want to come and doesn't want to be reminded. I feel sort of guilty - like I should text or call him again to remind him but no. Heck, I don't even really want him to come, but of course he CAN come.
I was talking with one of my adult kids and I told him about this and said, "I feel sort of guilty, but I have already told him about this - at some point it's his responsibility to be an adult, right?" My son said, "Mom, don't feel guilty about not contacting him again." Hmm.
Sad that people can just can relatives who are mentally ILL. I hope you never experience that kind of mental illness is all I can say. I give up with humanity
Yes, so many parallels.
My brother is very left though.
He does have periods where he does not text me, then it's just all at once - non-stop! Seems manic.
I get what you are saying about social isolation. Sounds like the brother has support from his parents and girlfriend.
OP's own mental health requires peace of mind. If this was his child, OP would have much more responsibility. As his brother, it's their parents who have responsibility to cope, not the OP.
My bipolar sister-in-law was difficult. We left her care to my in-laws. We could not risk her near my children when she was having hallucinations. Not a great situation, but sometimes you have to do what is necessary.
Let's hope he keeps that support. Without support many mentally ill people commit suicide then you have a bunch of their relatives carelessly wondering why they could do such a thing.
Sad that people can just can relatives who are mentally ILL. I hope you never experience that kind of mental illness is all I can say. I give up with humanity
But what can I do?? Is it fair that I have to drop everything at work and give him a report on all his latest projects, and then worry that he is going to tell me off because I showed 'apathy' towards him?
I worry now as well, that I am going to be another person that he rants about to everyone and anyone who will hear him! It's like trying to avoid landmines, being lambasted by all his perceptions.
Sad that people can just can relatives who are mentally ILL. I hope you never experience that kind of mental illness is all I can say. I give up with humanity
Alright. Maybe you can give me some insight.
On my first post, I pasted his reaction to me in a text message.. the "How dare you!" text.
How would you handle that? Keep in mind, there were 30 of those..
Sad that people can just can relatives who are mentally ILL. I hope you never experience that kind of mental illness is all I can say. I give up with humanity
I hope you don't think I have "canned" my mentally ill brother or that the OP has "canned" hers. I think it's very clear though that some mentally ill people really truly have no idea the effect that their behaviors have on other people. OTHER PEOPLE MATTER TOO.
This may be hard for you accept or understand, but my brother is occasionally violent. He has been violent toward me.
I want and maintain a relationship with him but it has to include very distinct, firm boundaries. He knows this and frankly he doesn't like boundaries.
I could tell you all sorts of stories about him regarding obsession, stalking, breaking and entering, drunken or high rages, etc. I've had to call the police on him - FOR THE SAFETY OF MY OWN KIDS or myself, or both - a couple of times over the years. Plus he has racked up a criminal record completely on his own with no input from me at all. After our dad died, OH MY GOSH he was so difficult to deal with and very accusatory of me from a distance and very squirrelly, not to mention that he got off his therapy and was doing all sorts of illegal things I won't document here, and yet when my husband was talking to him and said, "Well, I know you and Kathryn haven't had the best relationship all the time over the years," my brother was genuinely confused by that statement. He said, "What do you mean? I love Kathryn. I always thought we got along great." WHAT??????????
And you know what - I think he believes that. I honestly do. I really think that many seriously mentally ill people absolutely have no idea what grief and angst and worry they cause their loved ones and how much upheaval they bring to the lives of others.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
