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I had a boss who would alternatively bully me in public meetings and then right after run to my office and praise me. It started out that I was the golden person and then it deteriorated. It was about my competence and his trying to cut me down in public. (He liked an audience.) He also preferred people who would sit in his office and BS with him which wasn't my style. You really can't hid your talents and sometimes there is jealousy beyond your control. It finally came to became an intolerable situation and I decided to leave. I was always civil, I never complained to co-workers (although they witnessed it first hand). When I saw him about a year later, I was cordial. It's not my nature to ignore people and I wanted him to think I was better off without him. So, if I were you I would be cordial but not spend any time with him that wasn't necessary and give him the impression that you are doing just fine. How he responds is up to him but do not get intimidated, just walk away.
When this boss announced I was leaving, one of my respected colleagues said how much he would miss me and appreciated all that I had done. Guess who was his next victim?
I had bad experiences with bosses also. From everything I read on that subject, the only option is to quit the job.
This is something I can't quit though. I don't feel like being civil to him at all. Last time we were in the same room, he ignored me. And that was before his email where he said he hates all my songs, and insulted me for being single (like that's a crime these days) and called me pathetic.
He might be very sexist. I got that idea from a lot of things he said to me. And the fact that he thinks there is something wrong with any woman who is single.
Anyway, I don't see how I could even say hello to someone who ignores me, and who has tried so hard to hurt my feelings. That email did NOT hurt my feelings by the way, because it was just ridiculous.
Music should bring joy, never anger or stress. The problem is his; don't make it yours. If he speaks to you, answer politely and briefly then remove yourself from his presence.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,577,093 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Good4Nothin
Do you think he would try to physically hurt me? That thought keeps entering my mind but then I think no that isn't possible, no one could be that crazy. I am scared though.
In the yrs you have known him, has he ever hit you, pushed you or put his hands on you? That is not something to mess around with....
No, I said I was already out of the relationship, and not going back in. He decided to end it.
The problem is seeing him places, and having mutual friends. I am hoping we will gravitate to different places, but there are some where I definitely will see him.
How should I handle that? He was so angry he would not even look at me when I saw him someplace recently. And a friend he was with didn't even look at me either. And I knew that friend for years before Mr. Madd became friends with him. So I wondered what Mr. Madd could have been telling him about me.
I have confided about this to two people so far. One is the guy who was in our aspiring band for about a year. He had always told me Mr. Madd is a control freak and maybe kind of nuts. But we still all liked playing together.
I also told a woman friend who knows everyone I am talking about. She just said I don't need him, he's an a-hole, and I will be better off. But she didn't tell me what to do if I keep seeing him everywhere.
In my opinion, you just be you. My guess is, he will "behave himself" around other people. If he doesn't behave himself, and lashes out at you in front of other people, well then, he kind of fixes your problem, right? Everyone will see him for the donkey that he is. Meanwhile, you remain polite and civil. Avoid him when you can, but if it's impossible to avoid him...be polite. If others seem to since a chill between the two of you, you can just explain that you and so and so have had a falling out, and leave it at that.
In my opinion, you just be you. My guess is, he will "behave himself" around other people. If he doesn't behave himself, and lashes out at you in front of other people, well then, he kind of fixes your problem, right? Everyone will see him for the donkey that he is. Meanwhile, you remain polite and civil. Avoid him when you can, but if it's impossible to avoid him...be polite. If others seem to since a chill between the two of you, you can just explain that you and so and so have had a falling out, and leave it at that.
Thank you. I just remembered (since my mind keeps dwelling on this all day) that I had decided to stop playing with him before his recent anger attack. A week or so ago we were practicing and he said he doesn't like the way I sing.
I felt he was trying to undermine my confidence. Maybe he wanted me to feel I need him because I can't sing well on my own. He had hinted at this several times before.
I would NEVER try to damage someone's confidence that way. After he said that, I decided I was better off playing alone.
If everyone told me I wasn't good at singing, then I would have to consider maybe he was just saying the truth. But I get compliments, on my singing and playing and on my songs. I'm not saying I'm great, just that there are people who appreciate what I do. And I have had compliments recently by some of the best singers I know.
So one possibility is that Mr. Madd noticed I have been getting better at singing and that bothered him. He also probably noticed that my songs are getting better and are more varied. His reaction to that was to tell me all my songs sound the same.
Thank you. I just remembered (since my mind keeps dwelling on this all day) that I had decided to stop playing with him before his recent anger attack. A week or so ago we were practicing and he said he doesn't like the way I sing.
I felt he was trying to undermine my confidence. Maybe he wanted me to feel I need him because I can't sing well on my own. He had hinted at this several times before.
I would NEVER try to damage someone's confidence that way. After he said that, I decided I was better off playing alone.
If everyone told me I wasn't good at singing, then I would have to consider maybe he was just saying the truth. But I get compliments, on my singing and playing and on my songs. I'm not saying I'm great, just that there are people who appreciate what I do. And I have had compliments recently by some of the best singers I know.
So one possibility is that Mr. Madd noticed I have been getting better at singing and that bothered him. He also probably noticed that my songs are getting better and are more varied. His reaction to that was to tell me all my songs sound the same.
If you're good and improving why don't you be a solo act? What exactly is he doing for you? And maybe even beyond him...is the music your passion or the people. People in general seem to stress you out.
If you're good and improving why don't you be a solo act? What exactly is he doing for you? And maybe even beyond him...is the music your passion or the people. People in general seem to stress you out.
I do a solo act. That's what made him so mad. Even though we agreed we both could. It was his idea in the first place, because he wanted to be free to do whatever he wants. While I have the restrictions. He probably thought I would never have the courage to play alone.
People in general do NOT stress me out! SOME people stress me out, and if no one stresses you out that is very unusual.
The people are not my passion. If they were, I wouldn't bother with the music.
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