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A key feature of BPD is emotional volatility. Not the stuff of which good friendships are made. I assume you have read the literature on BPD . . . I have a couple of relatives with this disorder (coupled with other disorders, perhaps), and there is no possibility of a truly adult, rational, reciprocal relationship.
Even many therapists won't deal with people diagnosed as BPD - too much drama - often threats of suicide, no self-awareness, or responsibility for actions or impact on others - not fun.
Yes, exactly!
She is far from threats of suicide but she does have an eating disorder.
It is so exhausting at times.
One day, she hugs me and tells me what an amazing friend I am and the next day she snaps at me, accusing me of this and that.
She's snapped at other friends as well.
She calls me a best friend but honestly, the friendship lasted this long because I've swallowed a lot of her jabs.
Without knowing all of the details, it's hard to answer. Are you sure this person has BPD? And how do you know this?
I don't think anyone who has had friends for a long time are actually able to hide any of their issues from their friends. I had a great counselor explain this to me once, telling me that my good friends know all of my faults and love me anyway. That I may think I'm hiding things, and if they really knew me they wouldn't be my friend - but that I was wrong to think that way. The old, if they really knew me they wouldn't love me - is incorrect thinking. I just bring this up because you said you think you hide your issues, but I doubt that you really can do this from good friends.
Anyway, labeling your friend, correctly or incorrectly, or her doing the same thing regarding you, doesn't change the real issue, at any rate, which is whether or not you are willing to put up with your friend's behavior. No matter what someone's diagnosis is, there is no guarantee that they will listen to what your complaint is and then agree with you and then change their behavior.
I'm sorry you are having a hard time with this friendship. I know how hard it is to have to let a good friend go when I wasn't getting my own simple needs met in our relationship and it really hurt. Some people just can't give you what you need in a friendship, even if you aren't asking for much at all.
I didn't word myself correctly. I meant, the faults that I do have, I try to not talk about them as much as possible to my friends. At least as I get older, that's what I've learned with time not to do.
Yes, I'm very sure of it. She has very strong traits, plus an eating disorder. She has repeatedly told me she doesn't believe in therapy, nor will consider it.
She flips from good to bad in a matter of seconds. No suicide threats. She has very volatile relationships with men. And family history. But when she's normal, she can be a very good supportive friend.
Sadly, I can't deal with her jabs and insults. I've ghosted her. She doesn't understand explanations, as much as I've tried.
The psychologist of tomorrow: "I only want to work with healthy people. People who have disorders are too much work and take away from my phone time."
If patients want to actually change, they must first admit they have a problem. If they see their side only, tunnel vision, then how can that psychiatrist help them?
I've been friends with her for 8 years. Not once did she acknowledge hurting me when I brought it up. Me. Me. Me.
It's sad that people with mental illnesses are just 'discarded' by people who don't/ won't try to understand that the behavior isn't an attack on them or a refusal to listen to what is often unsolicited advice. If this friend had cancer or a physical disability, no one would be encouraging abandonment. Support from friends and family is VITAL for any chance of recovery. Professional help is just part of the equation.
What if this person does not want help? Refuses to acknowledge she has a problem? Tells you outright she does not believe in therapy?
It's not sad at all. It's realistic. People can put up with only so much. That's why we have therapists who are paid to do this.
So I should put up with her insults, jabs, and snapping attacks for another 8 years? Become a door mat, basically. Ignore all of my needs for the sake of her mental illness which she adamantly refuses to acknowledge?
Would you continue keeping a dog that bit you everyday?
Firstly, OP does not have a concrete diagnosis for this person, apparently.
Now as to BPD and improvement....I have that diagnosis and through therapy and meds and years of both have come out on top with absolute acceptance of my issues and responsibility taken....
Currently considered in remission as I no longer exhibit the needed number of symptoms to qualify for diagnosis.
Watch what you comment on.....aka stick to what you know, people.
She refuses any type of help. She never acknowledges when she's made mistakes.
She's had very volatile relationships with men and her family.
You're different than her. She won't even acknowledge her eating disorder though her teeth are cracking from all the purges.
I'm 32 also, so are you saying we're too old to have hope? That's ridiculous. You can't even be sure it's BPD in the first place. It's dangerous to diagnose someone like that if you're not a trained mental health professional.
This is my personal insight from the medical stance I'm in. I won't disclose my profession.
What if this person does not want help? Refuses to acknowledge she has a problem? Tells you outright she does not believe in therapy?
It's not sad at all. It's realistic. People can put up with only so much. That's why we have therapists who are paid to do this.
So I should put up with her insults, jabs, and snapping attacks for another 8 years? Become a door mat, basically. Ignore all of my needs for the sake of her mental illness which she adamantly refuses to acknowledge?
Would you continue keeping a dog that bit you everyday?
Some of us can't afford therpist and the wait time to see one here on the NHS in the UK is o er a year, then they only offer a few sessions of CBT. And no, you shouldn't put up with abuse, but maybe put some distance between you both before deciding to sever ties. She needs help and support.
On "diagnoses" - no one can "practice 'medicine' without a license" (a control element - probably goes back to the inquisition and "witches" (midwives), but I digress . . .
But anyone can read the DSM and see the lists of criteria.
Psychologist and psychiatrists, et al - actually look up traits in the DSM and then make their diagnosis . . . they don't have magic superpowers that others do not have.
On "diagnoses" - no one can "practice 'medicine' without a license" (a control element - probably goes back to the inquisition and "witches" (midwives), but I digress . . .
But anyone can read the DSM and see the lists of criteria.
Psychologist and psychiatrists, et al - actually look up traits in the DSM and then make their diagnosis . . . they don't have magic superpowers that others do not have.
Having a medical license does not mean any medical doctor can give a diagnosis pertaining to mental illness.
Can a surgeon diagnose a schizophrenic? He's not qualified in that area.
Secondly, misdiagnoses happen all the time.
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