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I would at least take a long weekend trip beforehand. Pre-research neighborhoods and such that you're interested in, and focus on those when you hit the ground.
I'm planning on doing that in June. I'll decide 100% for sure on that trip if I'm going to do it or not. June is also the hottest month so its the best time to visit when evaluating it as a potential home.
It's a very well recognized phenomenon for gay and bi people to "mature" later in some ways than straight people, because they spent so much of their youth dealing with homophobia - not just overt homophobia from family and the community but the internalized self-concept of unworthiness that comes from that.
I'm gay and I didn't lose my virginity until after college - and that first time was really awkward and unpleasant. I didn't start drinking at all until recently. I still don't feel like I know how to "go to parties". I may be well-read and have a good job and a lot of interesting stories for someone in his mid-20s, but I still sometimes feel like a teenager in an adult's body.
It's a very well recognized phenomenon for gay and bi people to "mature" later in some ways than straight people, because they spent so much of their youth dealing with homophobia - not just overt homophobia from family and the community but the internalized self-concept of unworthiness that comes from that.
I'm gay and I didn't lose my virginity until after college - and that first time was really awkward and unpleasant. I didn't start drinking at all until recently. I still don't feel like I know how to "go to parties". I may be well-read and have a good job and a lot of interesting stories for someone in his mid-20s, but I still sometimes feel like a teenager in an adult's body.
I would agree with this.
I am 33 but I feel like a restless young adult, maybe late teens through mid twenties, trying to get out of his small, repressive town and start his own life. That's really where I'm at right now and I'm sick of it. I'm ready to move on. But I made so many poor decisions that I can't yet.
And like clockwork, my family has begun trying to guilt trip me into staying in OKC.
Just by reading your post I feel a lot of pressure! Life is about the journey and discovering what it takes to get you to where you want to be. By limiting yourself to a certain age, you're putting a lot of unnecessary stress on yourself. So your life is going to go downhill once you turn 40?! That's no way to live. You don't know what's going to happen. Think of these last eight years as a stepping stone to where you need to be. Whatever you've decided, it probably seemed like a good decision at the time, or even if it wasn't, that's what had happened. Maybe you needed to go through this to start making better decisions, so learn from it.
In fact I'm not sure my job will last the rest of my car loan. My boss is trying to get me moved into another position but I'm unsure that it will work out. There's a not insignificant chance I'll be unemployed come August or September of this year.
I'm currently 33M and have been in a deep rut for almost seven years now. It started when I moved back to my hometown of Oklahoma City in 2012 because of pressure from my fundamentalist Christian family. Then in 2013-14 I did ex-gay conversion therapy. Also in 2014, I was suckered into buying a car that I couldn't afford on a seven year loan. The sad thing is, the car was an impulse buy and wasn't something I really thought through. I've made a lot of dumb decisions over the course of my life but I think that one takes the cake.
However, once the dotted line was signed I either had to wait it out or default. There was a time when I legitimately considered letting it be repoed just to be rid of it. Instead, I did the responsible thing and have worked for years to get it paid off. It hasn't been without a cost though that is much bigger than financial. The car purchase has been a noose around my neck ever since 2014 and has basically trapped me in my current situation. It's now 2019 and I'm still burning through what I feel like should be the best years of my life, trapped in a small conservative town that I hate with a passion, trying to pay off a car I didn't even want. I have one more year to pay on the car before it's finally paid off and then I can move on. I've come to terms with my sexuality but I've realized that I can never be happy in a place like Oklahoma City. However, I MUST get the car paid off before I can move.
Bottom line is I made so many bad decisions that have led me to this point in my life and there's no easy way forward. This is all my own fault. Nobody forced me to move back to Oklahoma. Nobody forced me to sign the dotted line to buy this stupid car. Nobody forced me to conversion therapy at age 27...I could have stood up to my family and said I am who I am and that I'm not doing that. But, I didn't. I moved back to Oklahoma. I did conversion therapy. I bought the stupid car against my best judgment.
Now I'm 33 and feel like an 18 year old desperate to get away from his home town and start his own life. Yet, at my age, I should be well past this. I've lost almost a decade of my life. I look back at where I was in 2009 and I only wish that I could get back to where I was then. My current life that I'm living now, trapped in Oklahoma, depressed, single, lonely, and burning through life was my worst fear back then. It has become my reality.
I've got one more year to pay on the car and then I can finally be through of this. But seriously, these mistakes have cost me what should have been the best years of my life and this is a hard pill to swallow.
You are guilty of letting others dictate your life. Why?
Go be yourself. If your family is a hindrance, get space from them. If your car is too expensive, sell it. If you want to be a gay man, live truthfully.
I’m sorry it has taken you so long, but you still have many years left to live your best life.
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