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I'm so sorry to hear this. I can empathize as I just passed the 6th anniversary of my husband and youngest daughter. The people on the grief forum here can be very helpful, but I do hope you have a good friend or family member to spend that day with and reminisce about the good times. I have a good friend that always spends that anniversary with me and helps me reminisce about the good times rather than the deaths themselves. It really helps.
Yes it's difficult to rate happiness. I think I run somewhere in the middle, 5 or 6, most days. But it can go very low on difficult occasions and higher on good occasions.
Your husband and daughter? That's a lot to deal with. I've only had to deal with death one person at a time. I don't know what I'd do with two.
The 21st is a on a Tuesday this year, so it will be a business-as-usual day, but I told my son that we should do something together that evening. I'm sure that he'd rather have a few drinks and play Counter-Strike. Maybe we'll go to wherever on the 20th.
I've hit 9 once in a while. Most of my days are a 3 or 4, but only because of health problems. I've recently spoken with my sister and a few old friends. I'll be just fine.
That is awesome! happy for you! I think my biggest issue is feeling like when I die, nobody would know for a while because I don't have that many people in my life. I hate that. I also had a lonely childhood, which carried into adulthood, though its been worse the last decade.
Aw, thank Atl. I think this is a harder issue for guys, but honestly I don't know why.
I will say though that I think your situation growing up with someone like your mom may have affected the kind of people you gravitate to when it comes to disappointing friends that leave you feeling like you're the one putting in all the effort. I got into some emotionally abusive relationships because of what my mother had taught me was normal, and I didn't always treat those close to me the best because of it too.
I mean my dad's an obvious clinical narcissist (now that he has dementia, and the filters are off... hoooo boy!) and my mother has something that looks an awful lot like borderline personality disorder. It affected how I viewed myself and the people I allowed into my life. TBH, I don't know how I got my head straight given that serious therapy didn't happen until I was 40.
I guess I had some really great aunts and uncles, and my mother, being a mental health professional, SAID all the right things, even if she didn't act on them. And maybe I'm just gullible and I took her at her word with a lot of it. Filtering out the good and the bad into the correct categories took a while. Also, growing up in Jersey in a family that straddled middle class and working class while going to an academically challenging school filled with rich kids, I was just exposed to a lot. I think that really made a difference.
So I dunno exactly what the secret to quality friendships is. I think "keep an open mind" and "lead with kindness" are the things I mostly rely on, along with a strong sense of boundaries.
You clearly are researching this kind of stuff with the Eckhart Tolle and the Dan Harris (love his podcast!). I was wondering if you've read any Brene Brown - she might have some good insights for you.
I have been able to accomplished many things in my life to bring happiness into my life with the exception of wealth. If I can attain wealth, my life would be perfect.
Aw, thank Atl. I think this is a harder issue for guys, but honestly I don't know why.
I will say though that I think your situation growing up with someone like your mom may have affected the kind of people you gravitate to when it comes to disappointing friends that leave you feeling like you're the one putting in all the effort. I got into some emotionally abusive relationships because of what my mother had taught me was normal, and I didn't always treat those close to me the best because of it too.
I mean my dad's an obvious clinical narcissist (now that he has dementia, and the filters are off... hoooo boy!) and my mother has something that looks an awful lot like borderline personality disorder. It affected how I viewed myself and the people I allowed into my life. TBH, I don't know how I got my head straight given that serious therapy didn't happen until I was 40.
I guess I had some really great aunts and uncles, and my mother, being a mental health professional, SAID all the right things, even if she didn't act on them. And maybe I'm just gullible and I took her at her word with a lot of it. Filtering out the good and the bad into the correct categories took a while. Also, growing up in Jersey in a family that straddled middle class and working class while going to an academically challenging school filled with rich kids, I was just exposed to a lot. I think that really made a difference.
So I dunno exactly what the secret to quality friendships is. I think "keep an open mind" and "lead with kindness" are the things I mostly rely on, along with a strong sense of boundaries.
You clearly are researching this kind of stuff with the Eckhart Tolle and the Dan Harris (love his podcast!). I was wondering if you've read any Brene Brown - she might have some good insights for you.
It is harder for guys and I don't know why either. It seems I read a lot on here from women who are so thrilled to be divorced and single again and don't want a man in their life. My mother was like that after my Dad died, but even she remarried 10 years later.
Glad you had some other great family members. My Dad was the closest thing to normal I had, but he was a bad communicator with my mother and that's where I got those issues from. Still, he was the nurturing one and the one who encouraged me. Issue was my mother really controlled the household and was overbearing, which minimized his positive influence I think.
Yes! I have read Brene Brown and even did a vulnerability workshop based off her Daring Greatly book. I try, I really do. Dan Harris is my brother from another mother (a well adjusted, sane mother I guess). Love Dan Harris.
It is harder for guys and I don't know why either. It seems I read a lot on here from women who are so thrilled to be divorced and single again and don't want a man in their life. My mother was like that after my Dad died, but even she remarried 10 years later.
Glad you had some other great family members. My Dad was the closest thing to normal I had, but he was a bad communicator with my mother and that's where I got those issues from. Still, he was the nurturing one and the one who encouraged me. Issue was my mother really controlled the household and was overbearing, which minimized his positive influence I think.
Yes! I have read Brene Brown and even did a vulnerability workshop based off her Daring Greatly book. I try, I really do. Dan Harris is my brother from another mother (a well adjusted, sane mother I guess). Love Dan Harris.
Oh wow! That's really cool about the workshop. I should look into that. I blow hot and cold when it comes to vulnerability. Most of my friends would say I'm very comfortable with it, but if you scratch a little too far beneath the surface I have put up walls of steel (or anxiety - definitely probably "walls of anxiety").
Um, since you're looking into meditation, have you thought about visiting a Buddhist temple? My buddy who is an atheist like me went through a major life change - stopped drinking and smoking, became vegetarian and started meditating at a local temple. He now leads some of their meditation groups. He used to be the wild man of our group and now he's mellowed out and much happier. Another of my buddy's with severe anxiety has joined in the group meditations. There is a community there, and I don't know that it's particularly "religious" so it would probably not conflict with your Christianity. I don't know - might be something to think about. Of course, my buddy the meditation instructor's wife confides to us that "I always thought he would join a cult one day. I'm just glad it's a positive one." LOL
How goes the search for a dog? If you go into dog sports you will be mobbed by women and the men there will want to be your buddy out of solidarity to help them stay afloat amongst the tide of estrogen that dominates.
6/10. (I know you said not to rate it on that scale, but can you blame me for taking the easy route?)
I'm in good physical health, work is going okay, I have friends that I hang out with often, I'm learning a lot and improving myself, I get to travel all the time. And yet... there's something missing. I feel like I'm just... existing. I don't really have a lot to look forward to, and the long-term goals I've had in my head are looking more and more unrealistic every day.
I honestly can’t remember the last time I was truly happy. Stuff just started happening, and as soon as I started to gain equilibrium, something new would happen. At first I told myself, “Once I get over X, then I’ll be OK and able to move on”, then I just stopped caring. I chose this user name b/c I thought it would help my attitude, and sometimes it does. My latest mantra is, “It could be worse”, and it could be, in a heartbeat.
One minute, I'm eagerly looking to the future. Imagining the possibilities, the possible adventures, all the things to look forward to.
The next (as I am at this instant), I am ruminating on the past. Things I missed and will never see, how far behind I am socially compared to most of my peers, how my friend is dying, how alone I am.
BUT, my brain is usually quite reliable at kicking me back into balance. I can already feel better having typed this. There is much to be done! I always have a chance to improve my life! There are places I want to go and things I want to do! My friend is not dead... yet... I think!
Extremely happy! Though I've been happy throughout the majority of my life, things have been hugely trending in a positive direction for the past few years in particular.
At the moment, I'm 23 (I'll be 24 in August). Last year, I graduated from a top 50 business school with my BBA in Finance. As someone who grew up poor, raised by a single mom who was 18 when she had me, and attended college as a first-generation student, holding that degree was a pivotal achievement for me. Before graduation, I had a post-college gig as a Financial Analyst at a healthcare-related firm lined up. I started that about two weeks after graduating; however, I eventually grew to hate the position about six months in--mainly due to its location in the suburbs, among other things--and applied to my current position as a Financial Analyst for a major media company. I absolutely LOVE this position, the office, my coworkers, the way the company treats its employees, and the potential for upward mobility! The pay is also excellent, I have full benefits, and the PTO is unlimited.
I also have my own apartment in my favorite city, Philadelphia! When July rolls around, I will be moving to an even nicer luxury apartment closer to Center City.
After being overweight/obese for the majority of my life, I finally took initiative and lost a serious amount of weight. Between January 2016 and August 2017, I lost 104 pounds, dropping from 300 to 196 pounds. I have gained some weight back since then, but I'm still in the best physical shape of my life!
The relationships I maintain are probably the most important part of my life. I have a really strong relationship with my mother and little siblings (21-B, 19-S, 14-S, 7-S). Additionally, I have a group of friends who I could rely on at any point, though most of us live anywhere between 50 and 100 miles away from each other. Finally, I entered into the first relationship I've been in since 2017. My girlfriend is beautiful, funny, gentle, passionate, positive, loving, and an all-around great person. We've met each other's families and I can definitely see something long-term coming from this! I really do love her.
Finally, I get to enjoy all of the hobbies that I love. Having a salaried position that pays well (for a 23 year old dude who isn't married and doesn't have kids) allows me to use my weekends to do the things that genuinely make me happy, including traveling, hiking, trying new restaurants, exercising, cycling, hanging out with friends, spending time with my gf, taking walks throughout the city, special events, and so much more!
2018, 2016, and 2013 have each laid claim to the title of "best year of my life" this decade, but 2019 will blow each and every one of them out of the water if my life continues in the direction that it's heading! I can't believe that I'm experiencing this level of happiness at such a young age; nevertheless, after enduring some struggles in my younger years, I want to enjoy this streak for as long as possible!
Extremely happy! Though I've been happy throughout the majority of my life, things have been hugely trending in a positive direction for the past few years in particular.
At the moment, I'm 23 (I'll be 24 in August). Last year, I graduated from a top 50 business school with my BBA in Finance. As someone who grew up poor, raised by a single mom who was 18 when she had me, and attended college as a first-generation student, holding that degree was a pivotal achievement for me. Before graduation, I had a post-college gig as a Financial Analyst at a healthcare-related firm lined up. I started that about two weeks after graduating; however, I eventually grew to hate the position about six months in--mainly due to its location in the suburbs, among other things--and applied to my current position as a Financial Analyst for a major media company. I absolutely LOVE this position, the office, my coworkers, the way the company treats its employees, and the potential for upward mobility! The pay is also excellent, I have full benefits, and the PTO is unlimited.
I also have my own apartment in my favorite city, Philadelphia! When July rolls around, I will be moving to an even nicer luxury apartment closer to Center City.
After being overweight/obese for the majority of my life, I finally took initiative and lost a serious amount of weight. Between January 2016 and August 2017, I lost 104 pounds, dropping from 300 to 196 pounds. I have gained some weight back since then, but I'm still in the best physical shape of my life!
The relationships I maintain are probably the most important part of my life. I have a really strong relationship with my mother and little siblings (21-B, 19-S, 14-S, 7-S). Additionally, I have a group of friends who I could rely on at any point, though most of us live anywhere between 50 and 100 miles away from each other. Finally, I entered into the first relationship I've been in since 2017. My girlfriend is beautiful, funny, gentle, passionate, positive, loving, and an all-around great person. We've met each other's families and I can definitely see something long-term coming from this! I really do love her.
Finally, I get to enjoy all of the hobbies that I love. Having a salaried position that pays well (for a 23 year old dude who isn't married and doesn't have kids) allows me to use my weekends to do the things that genuinely make me happy, including traveling, hiking, trying new restaurants, exercising, cycling, hanging out with friends, spending time with my gf, taking walks throughout the city, special events, and so much more!
2018, 2016, and 2013 have each laid claim to the title of "best year of my life" this decade, but 2019 will blow each and every one of them out of the water if my life continues in the direction that it's heading! I can't believe that I'm experiencing this level of happiness at such a young age; nevertheless, after enduring some struggles in my younger years, I want to enjoy this streak for as long as possible!
Awesome to hear another Philadelphian my age is doing well (I'm from just outside the city, so technically I'm not Philadelphian, but w/e). I'm coming back to the city in a couple years, maybe we'll walk past each other on the street.
Where are some hiking places you've liked?
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